How long to wait until sending another message to a romantic interest?

nathangeorge99
nathangeorge99 Community member Posts: 7 Listener
in Autism and neurodiversity
I am autistic have been speaking to someone online that I fancy romantically, and we are both open about liking each other (we’ve called each other cute). I was going to message him about arranging a video call as when I explained to him I’d like to keep talking online then progress to a video call he agreed it sounded good. However, I last messaged him on Wednesday just generally asking him what he'd done at the gym (he says he'd just been). He saw it at some point yesterday or this morning but hasn't replied yet. It's the first time that this has happened, it has pretty much been the typical back and forth volleyball up until this point. Do you think I can send him another message asking him if he still wants to do a video call (and if so when he's free), and if so, how long should I wait until sending it?

Also, how do I deal with the uncertainty of him not replying in the meantime? It's quite common for me to get anxious when this happens as I worry it will all end.

Comments

  • Puja
    Puja Scope Member Posts: 99 Contributor
    edited December 2022
    Hi @nathangeorge99 I can relate to anxiety and RSD having ADHD & autism myself too. He is probably just busy with things but perhaps wait til this evening and see how he is snd would he like to video call at some  point when free perhaps? 
    I know its hard but the more messages we send it can be too intense or overwhelming especially for neurotypicals. From my experience they are a lot less chatty and more casual about online dating than we can be.
     Hope that helps good luck. 

    Also I am not the best at this myself but just realise if he doesn’t reply its his loss and if its meant to be he will? Look up rejection sensitivity dysphoria maybe? 
    i found a couple of good videos on youtube about it. 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,451 Championing
    It's quite common to feel this sort of anxiety @nathangeorge99. I understand that you don't want to pester him, but also don't want to leave it too long before you get back in touch. It can be a tricky one!

    Personally, I'd maybe consider checking in with him over the weekend to make sure he's okay. It could be that something's happened, or that he's been really busy or stressed. So asking the question and opening up that kind of conversation can be a good way to go. And then give him time and space to reply :) 

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