Hello everyone

Hi I'm LJW1966 and new to this community. I live alone and have no support network or anyone who understands or believes my conditions because I forced myself to keep going for years regardless of how much physical pain and/or mental distress I was in. I was always told as a child if you can get out of bed you go to work, if you don't work you can pack your bags and leave.

I never had a sense of safety as as child and was gaslit and emotionally abused which contributed to my mental health problems. Back then there was no-one to turn to as it was believed you didn't interfere with other people's kids, there was no mental health help, no recognition of autism or neurodiversity.

I got my first few jobs starting aged 11, paper rounds (3 of them) baby sitting, dog walking so I could afford to buy clothes and shoes other than my school uniform and food which were the only things I didn't have to beg for. I even had to beg on my knees to do a years college course to get qualifications whilst having to work late nights at a restaurant for food and bus fares. I've worked my entire life sometimes 2 and 3 jobs at a time and volunteering at weekends with ME/CFS after contracting glandular fever at 16.

I finally had to give up in 2020 just before lockdown (I was actively looking for a job after being made redundant for the 4th time) when I collapsed in a massive fibromyalgia attack.

I have historical ME/CFS (which my doctor said didn't exist) clinical depression, mental trauma, PTSD, suicidal attempts in the past and I believe undiagnosed autism - and that's just my mental health! Physically my hands are knackered with RSI from my work, carpal tunnel and onset arthritis, I broke my back in an accident and it never healed properly so my mobility is compromised with possible cauda equina. I have severe fibromyalgia which affects my balance, severe pain, brain fog and many other symptoms - only someone who has it can understand the level of debilitation it causes.

All these threats of benefit cuts has completely tanked my mental health and left me in fear of being forced into work or having my PIP or LCWRA being taken off me when I'm only just keeping afloat. I know there are many many others who are in the same boat who can't survive without these payments. I can only hope these changes are declared illegal and discrimination against our most vulnerable sick and disabled.

I've joined because everyone needs a safe space and others who actually understand because they are going through it themselves and I'm hoping I've found it. After being gaslit and ignored all my life by the doctors who are supposed to look after me and/or just want to throw big pharma medicines at me to "go away" this is the very first time I've opened up to anyone.

Sorry for the long post but I've only just scratched the surface!