Relationships

I wish you luck in your search, Pooleemily29. I was going to give you some advice, but everything I thought of was so clichéd.

I met several woman through 'Dating Direct', although none of the relationships came to anything. This was between 2009 and 2012, things may be different now; we hear stories of how alot of the profiles are fake to reel us in etc. Anyway, I have little faith in them tbh.

My ex wife, I met her in a pub in London, we only got talking because she recognised my Scottish accent! Her mum was from my town.

This might be typical to me, others may disagree with my opinion, but I found I couldn't get any interest at all, once I was out of my job and living on benefits. That was quite hard to take really.

Oh all right then, have a clichéd bit of advice - You are more likely to find someone, when you aren't looking!

Hi,

There is no need to feel unsure about whether to join another online community forum, I would suggest that many of us on scope likely dip in and out of various forums or specific health condition sites. You are allowed to get involved and communicate with anyone you choose too and I doubt anyone would have an issue with that. If someone did take offence then you would need to question their attitude, not your own…..you can join and get involved and see how it goes, if it’s not for you then delete your account, but limiting yourself by worrying about how others might perceive you only disadvantages you.

As a way of getting out and about, can I ask whether you have joined a local cerebral Palsy support group. Often these groups offer far more than just getting together and chatting. They often organise outings or trips, social get togethers, theatre trips etc. Getting involved can often open up whole new avenues to meeting people, and of course being in a specific Cerebral Palsy group it is likely that others will be able to share with you their stories and experiences whilst being able to point you in the right direction if you ever bring a question up to the group.

Hoping that you find that special person you are looking for, I am sure that you will

Scott

Hi Emily

I can totally get the feelings involved with others having to help you. I don’t have Cerebral Palsy but as my own illness ( idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis) has progressed it has meant that others have had to take up some of the slack and help me out. I think it’s important though to remind ourselves sometimes that the people we rely on help because they love us and want to support us having as normal a life as possible, it is important to thank them though from time to time.

If these shoe was on the other foot I am sure we would help out too.

Finding friends whether you are able bodied or disabled can be challenging in this day and age. I am sure that you have had all the advice such as get involved in a hobby, join a club etc etc but the truth is they are all great ideas, although maybe a little daunting at first…..online groups are great and can lead to friendships forming but if these friendships are ever only through media it restricts the physical side of meeting that special someone.

Honestly, I would give the support group route a try, it might surprise you.

Take it easy

Scott

Hi @pooleemily29 ,

Please, i would like to write to you and to wish you a nice day today and evening, and im sending you warm thoughts and warm hugs, please take care of yourself. ♥️

Kind regards and best wishes.

In my 41 years on this spinning blue, brown and green marble I’ve had two relationships. Both of which were online and and then led to marriage.

My first was to a mum of two who was emotionally abusive, controlling, had a temper, liked a drink and once threatened me with a knife! I got pressured into getting engaged, we got married after 18 months, after 8 months of marriage I had to walk away for the goodness of my health, like an idiot I tried going back twice, only to finally separate after 27 months - her parting lines where - Your better off on your own or with someone without kids, you don’t know what love is and I’d got a swinging brick for a heart! She pressured me for two years for a divorce and she put on the papers “I’m only agreeing to this as he Neil is paying for it”

My second relationship I rushed into a month after leaving the first one and joined a well known dating site, first person to message me we spent just shy ten years together alongside a 4 years and five months married. Everything was great up to a point, but then slowly over time my parents came back into my life and then that led to me distancing myself from my family in 2015, me and my second ex seemed to click and gel as we had a lot in common, made each other laugh and were always there for one another. But overtime things just didn’t seem right, I would often be at home alone and having bailiffs banging on the front door due to her not paying her side of the bills or I would have Whatts App Messages from the landlady about unpaid rent, as you can imagine this always triggered me and made me angry, my ex just didn’t have a care in the world and would just say I didn’t say anything because you would go off like this, or you know what I’m like I go big at Christmas and on Birthdays which was just like putting a match to a Jerry Can of Petrol! Due to me working in a high pressure job as a Support Worker, I would often work over 50 hours a week and sleep at work 4 to 5 nights a week, my ex was always happy with this. But in reality it was doing me more harm than good and it led to burnout in 2020 during the covid pandemic, I also nursed my ex through Covid for over four weeks during this period alone. It was like someone just cutting my strings and I couldn’t function at all, for almost six months I could barely step four foot out of the door due to my anxiety, I attempted suicide, I ended up sleeping on the sofa due to an erratic sleep pattern, I lost my job, I voluntarily started using a walking stick due to a hiking injury in 2019. My ex said she would often have to walk on matchsticks around me due to my erratic mood swings, but she was just like a match to my dynamite all the time knowing how to push my buttons and triggers, ok she was supportive to a point. But deep down she started screwing with my head by saying that we needed to go out more, that I needed to come to bed more, we needed more intimacy (my labido had gone south with the penguins) I was required to always make more of an effort at Christmas as it was an important time for her due to her having a miscarriage at 19 years old, we originally wanted children until I was open and honest and said with my mental health and the way our relationship is I don’t wish to bring a child into this world, which she could never forgive me, 7 months before she dumped me, she gave me covid as a going away present, didn’t surprise me to end up with Long Covid. What my ex forgets is I was the one organising the dogs food and water, letting him in and out of the house for a duties, I would make meals and brews for my ex, I would often sit at night on the bed until she had fallen asleep with the dog and then go downstairs to wash her uniform and then dry it for her to get to work the next morning, she then started to turn the screw on me by saying “oh I’d be screwed if we split up, as you own 90% of the stuff in the house!

The day she left me, she cut the final two strings that were keeping me together, which was her and the dog. I booked myself into hospital and volunteered to be admitted to a mental health unit as I was 100% committed to taking my own life! She had the gaul to place on Facebook a public statement declaring mental health had claimed another victim and that she was walking away for her own mental health! Fair to say I was kicked in and on suicide watch for the staff to see this message they were angry to say the least! She also told her Dad, then kept messaging me saying she was boxing my things up and would I want her big suitcase for my clothes! With her walking away to justify it as her own mental health angered me because I had been begging for her to get help for her own mental health the last four years, she also decided to block me on Facebook to. As of September 2025 I’d had six different roofs over my head, six changes of address, four GP Surgeries, I was classed as homeless, one town and one city. For someone who doesn’t like change and likes to know where he is up to, how I navigated such a horrible, stressful and deeply life changing time in my life is beyond me. I have now lived a quiet life alone for seven months and it’s fair to say it’s given me time to reflect, grieve and think a lot. I’ve gone down the road of deleting all of my social media, blocking the few friends phone numbers I had, I’ve changed email addresses and my phone number alongside my full name since the split in October 2023.

Today I have formally filed for divorce and it’s fair to say it hurts and that it’s ripped open a very raw wound still. I’m just sad today, just want to sleep, don’t want to leave the house and fair to say I’ve just put a line in the sand of never having another relationship as my heart is split in two, I have no faith or trust in ever having someone in my life again, I’m just going to live a quiet life until the day it is time for me to pass on to the next life.