Regrets
Hopefully this won't end up as too negative a conversation but I was wondering what kind of regrets people have??
I read once that people regret the things they didn't do much more than the things they did, like not taking a chance on something, not taking that job offer, accepting that date, and so on.
What advice would you give to a younger you?? What do you wish you'd done more (or less!) of??
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Being a people pleaser / masking rather than letting myself shine though
I'm told it was a maladaptation to mitigate bullying/abuse I got as a teenager but I seemed to just carry it into adult life
I stopped doing it over the last couple of years and when I find myself switching between being alone and among people, I no longer feel like I'm juggling 2 lives and having to step into and out of character. Like when I'm done for the day I no longer feel the relief "that was exhausting, now I can stop acting and relax"
It feels nice knowing my friends like the real me and not something I'm pretending to be but in some ways I wouldn't want to undo anything from the past as I'd never have met the amazing friends I have now
Maybe I'd advise people in my situation who don't have any friends yet, though… I totally understand masking at school as there's really no other choice if you're faced with abuse and bullying from the others… but maybe to people who have just left school, like tell them "you're safe and it's ok to stop now"
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Aww @66Mustang, I felt like doing a dance reading this!! Finding your way through the mask and out of survival mode is so hard!!! 💖 It takes years of unlearning and being able to be the real you, it's scary!!
Despite the contradiction I think one of my biggest regrests is spending too much time regretting stuff and not being able to let go of the past, rather than just living and being
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I agree. For me, I regret not identifying the damage done and the impact it was having on me, and being strong enough to really. I think if I had done so earlier, I wouldn't have wasted so much time not really living my full potential as a person. But, also can't be too hard on myself because I wasn't ready. Onwards and upwards 🙂
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Regrets, i've had a few. There can't be many of us who don't!
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" But then again too few to mention"
I think each and every one of us has them, but my life has led me to where I am now, and I'm glad I didn't do the things I should have. I took the hard way but ended up exactly where I want to be. 🥰
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Knowing you, and the other friend I spoke with you about, I just imagine how many more amazing characters there are right now but who are still having to hide under a "mask" of blandness and "what they think the world expects me to be"
It makes me really sad, not with them but for them I guess?
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@vikingqueen And I doubt many of us can say that!
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I definitely regret the things I have done more than those I haven't! Split second decisions that create decades of negative intrusive thoughts afterwards…
There are plenty of things I wish I'd done, higher education, career, travelling, etc. But I can't say I regret not doing them. Just wasn't an option in my circumstances.
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We all have regrets to varying degrees, but, to me, the most regrettable regret is keep dwelling on your past and not being able to reconcile with it and move forward.
Getting stuck in past events, memories, emotions, mistakes, regrets, traumas, etc., and constantly ruminating on them can negatively impact our present life and mental well-being.
It's good to draw lessons from past mistakes, regrets, failures, etc., but we should let them go, minimise replaying them, and move forward with a fresh perspective.
We should not be dwelling either on past successes or a happy past, in case our present situation is less admirable. as this could equally be detrimental to our present life. Instead, we should embrace our current experience and explore new opportunities.
We should coexist peacefully with our past, acknowledge it, and learn from it, rather than getting defined or held back by it.
If you happen to experience past memories in the form of nightmares during your sleep periodically, make no mistake, this has more to do with the fact that you haven't reconciled with such memories in the past yet.
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I don't regret my mistakes … and lord knows there's been many big ones, because they've helped shape me to who I am now
The only one regret I've got in my life is why didn't I seek help for my PTSD sooner.
So many years wasted drunk and off my face on all sorts, not so much my time but precious time wasted with my family who have stood by my side all the way.
Too much destructive and risky behaviour to ever like myself fully
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Can't get this song out my head now!
"but then again, too few to mentionnnnnnn" Weirdly it's cheered my right up! lol
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Aww I love that @vikingqueen!!
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And did you hear the voice of Frank Sinatra or John Lydon?
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I feel that with the split second choices leading to decades of intrusive thoughts!!!
Higher education is still an option, I found Open Uni great, didn't have to call or speak to a single person throughout the whole course (although I had to get back into studying first and did a few of their free online short courses!) They do have online tutorials but they are optional and even if you do attend, you can have both your camera and mic off and just listen! Happy to answer any questions about it, I've done a few degrees with them now, although after the first one I had to pay for it Edit: although paying for it straight up may help with your savings issue! ❤️
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So true @Passerby and what I'm trying to stop doing at the moment!!
I love your outlook @WelshBlue ❤️
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Sinatra, I don't think I've heard Lydon's!! Going to listen now
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You never heard The Sex Pistols version? Lol.
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Sid was innocent……😉
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So they say!
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