Regrets
Hopefully this won't end up as too negative a conversation but I was wondering what kind of regrets people have??
I read once that people regret the things they didn't do much more than the things they did, like not taking a chance on something, not taking that job offer, accepting that date, and so on.
What advice would you give to a younger you?? What do you wish you'd done more (or less!) of??
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Being a people pleaser / masking rather than letting myself shine though
I'm told it was a maladaptation to mitigate bullying/abuse I got as a teenager but I seemed to just carry it into adult life
I stopped doing it over the last couple of years and when I find myself switching between being alone and among people, I no longer feel like I'm juggling 2 lives and having to step into and out of character. Like when I'm done for the day I no longer feel the relief "that was exhausting, now I can stop acting and relax"
It feels nice knowing my friends like the real me and not something I'm pretending to be but in some ways I wouldn't want to undo anything from the past as I'd never have met the amazing friends I have now
Maybe I'd advise people in my situation who don't have any friends yet, though… I totally understand masking at school as there's really no other choice if you're faced with abuse and bullying from the others… but maybe to people who have just left school, like tell them "you're safe and it's ok to stop now"
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Aww @66Mustang, I felt like doing a dance reading this!! Finding your way through the mask and out of survival mode is so hard!!! 💖 It takes years of unlearning and being able to be the real you, it's scary!!
Despite the contradiction I think one of my biggest regrests is spending too much time regretting stuff and not being able to let go of the past, rather than just living and being
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I agree. For me, I regret not identifying the damage done and the impact it was having on me, and being strong enough to really. I think if I had done so earlier, I wouldn't have wasted so much time not really living my full potential as a person. But, also can't be too hard on myself because I wasn't ready. Onwards and upwards 🙂
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" But then again too few to mention"
I think each and every one of us has them, but my life has led me to where I am now, and I'm glad I didn't do the things I should have. I took the hard way but ended up exactly where I want to be. 🥰
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Knowing you, and the other friend I spoke with you about, I just imagine how many more amazing characters there are right now but who are still having to hide under a "mask" of blandness and "what they think the world expects me to be"
It makes me really sad, not with them but for them I guess?
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I definitely regret the things I have done more than those I haven't! Split second decisions that create decades of negative intrusive thoughts afterwards…
There are plenty of things I wish I'd done, higher education, career, travelling, etc. But I can't say I regret not doing them. Just wasn't an option in my circumstances.
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I don't regret my mistakes … and lord knows there's been many big ones, because they've helped shape me to who I am now
The only one regret I've got in my life is why didn't I seek help for my PTSD sooner.
So many years wasted drunk and off my face on all sorts, not so much my time but precious time wasted with my family who have stood by my side all the way.
Too much destructive and risky behaviour to ever like myself fully
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Can't get this song out my head now!
"but then again, too few to mentionnnnnnn" Weirdly it's cheered my right up! lol
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Aww I love that @vikingqueen!!
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I feel that with the split second choices leading to decades of intrusive thoughts!!!
Higher education is still an option, I found Open Uni great, didn't have to call or speak to a single person throughout the whole course (although I had to get back into studying first and did a few of their free online short courses!) They do have online tutorials but they are optional and even if you do attend, you can have both your camera and mic off and just listen! Happy to answer any questions about it, I've done a few degrees with them now, although after the first one I had to pay for it Edit: although paying for it straight up may help with your savings issue! ❤️
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So true @Passerby and what I'm trying to stop doing at the moment!!
I love your outlook @WelshBlue ❤️
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Sinatra, I don't think I've heard Lydon's!! Going to listen now
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Sid was innocent……😉
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Or even Sid Vicious 😉 … love that version, was only listening to it t'other day
@Biblioklept … thanks. Some great posts here that make me think about myself and where I've been but more importantly, where I've gotten to
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Genuinely not!!! I've just found many videos on Youtube and genuinely never heard or seen it before 😅 Certainly did it their way, iconic!
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LOL … I'm a big fan … the neighbours enjoy them too … always banging the walls in time with the music 😛
This thread has really got me thinking these past couple of days … I have actually got one huge regret, and that is everything I have put a beautiful woman, inside and out through by not caring about myself. Seeking positive reinforcements that were never there.
I struggle to put up with myself some days, how she has managed it for close on 33 years I haven't a clue. Maybe why she has over 20 close friends and I've got 2 …
I think Lewis Capaldi sums up my life
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What thoughtful neighbours you have @WelshBlue nothing quite like everyone enjoying music together…😶🤣
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I know right … so very lucky. I'm not totally inconsiderate, and a nuisance neighbour … I do turn it down by 2 a.m …
Edit … should point out that playing loud music is a joke … 1. My wife hates most of my taste in music 2. She's sleeping by 10 most nights, I know how scared I get if my vape sets the smoke alarm off at silly o'clock, loud music and I'd be crucified 😲
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I'm regretting trying to go back to work part time in 2023 right now as facing a capability hearing next week. I returned back to work after 13 months of unemployment after choosing to leave my job after prolonged sickness and not seeing i was going to get better in the near future. Im waiting to have an operation hopefullyin 3 months. I went and got part time job in late 2023 because DWP deemed me capable of working. I seem to be stuck in this no man's land loop of needing to take sickness absence due to disability ill health but not sick enough to not work. I'm not sure where I stand im just hoping that post operation I can get my fitness back to my baseline so I'll only have 2 disabilities instead of 3 and thisshouldmean less sickness absence!
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