What should I do if I’m autistic and have casual sex and guys ignore my texts?

dancerxoxo96 · May 25

I am high functioning autistic and they ignore my texts because they are afraid they are going to take advantage of me so I don’t end up having sex and they even go as far as blocking my number. Why do they think like that when it’s not true? I am being serious and not trolling. It’s starting to bother me a lot and I hate being autistic for this reason! I think it’s the way I talk and communicate with guys that they are able to tell And when I disclose I’m autistic to them they block me for good. I am not kidding. What misconceptions do they have seriously? I’m very high functioning why don’t they understand this

Anhedonia2 · May 26

If they are ignoring your texts, how do you know it's because they are afraid they are going to take advantage of you?

Unfortunately, and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but they don't have to sleep with you or want to be with you. They are people too and their opinions are valid, even if you don't agree with them.

Not everyone wants casual sex or wants to be with someone that does. If they block you, they're not right for you, you can't force it. Find someone who matches your energy and is looking for the same things as you.

SheffieldMan1976 · May 26

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/146550/what-should-i-do-if-i-m-autistic-and-have-casual-sex-and-guys-ignore-my-texts

I hate to be harsh (I'm in a bad mood this morning) but your first mistake was having it off with randoms.

Stellar · May 26

This is due to assumptions on their part, some rooted in ableism (like how autistic people don't want sex, or cant enjoy sex), others rooted in genuine concern about your capacity to consent and understand what's going on (especially given you're in a medical guaradianship as said in other posts).

you're also coming off as desperate again, which is also another huge turn off.

functioning labels are also ****, as an aside. they tell you nothing about an individual's actual support needs and it's used to dismiss support.

dancerxoxo96 · May 26

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1127738#Comment_1127738

Why would they think that I can’t consent to sex when I literally passed a sexual consent test?

dancerxoxo96 · May 26

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1127738#Comment_1127738

Why do you think that they think that I can’t consent to sex when it’s not true? And I passed a sexual consent test?. They just don’t know that I took the test?

ColonelBlink · May 26

I have no sex life, haven't had for many years, but i'll tell you a fact.

In my twenties, if a lass mentioned anything about passing some cognitive test for consenting to sex, I would have run a mile.

This isn't the way forward for you, why can't you find a nice young man for a longterm relationship? I imagine the current set up is causing you mental anguish.

Legwax · May 26

Hi @dancerxoxo96

I wonder if you might be able to talk to someone more locally to you, if you felt like it might help. From what I have read from your posts, you are sharing information about yourself with men that you don't know which sounds like it might be not a safe thing to do. If someone blocks you, that is their choice. Rejection can hurt but as you don't know them then perhaps you can make it smaller an impact for yourself by reminding yourself that you don't know them.

If your autism is your prime focus at the moment, are you missing out on other qualities that you might have to share? I am aware that that may sound like I am dismissing your autism. I am not but highlighting that there is more to you than that even though I know it cam impact everything.

That's why I was wondering if you could speak to someone locally. Maybe your GP or local sexual health clinic would be a place to start?

@Mary_Scope Mary might have some suggestions too or @Holly_Scope ?

Bluebell21 · May 26

Casual sex is just that @dancerxoxo96 one night stands with no involvement.

It is not for everyone.

oldmanmarple · May 27

someone looking for a casual hook up is not going to want the hassle of being with someone needing a consent test

ive never even heard of one of them

dancerxoxo96 · May 27

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1127923#Comment_1127923

Yeah but they passed it

Holly_Scope · May 27

Thanks for the tag @Legwax 😊

I'm sorry things have been so difficult when meeting new people @dancerxoxo96. Rejection is a big part of dating and finding the right person and everyone goes through this unfortunately. It can be really difficult and leaves us questioning why, but sometimes it's just that the connection isn't there and that's ok. Better that than finding ourselves in a situation that isn't natural and potentially missing out on someone who understands and appreciates us.

Like @Legwax has kindly suggested, it might be a good idea to speak to someone local. There might be a group that either your GP or local sexual health clinic can point you in the direction of where you can talk about these things. Also, I've added a few links to autism sites. The second has links to local friendship and relationship groups which might be a nice place to join and speak to people who have similar worries or experiences.

Dating sites in general can be a daunting place, and a bit toxic at times so please don't worry too much if the person you speak to doesn't feel the same. It's just part of finding the right person for you and I'm sure you will. But I'd definitely recommend speaking to other people about their experiences, what works for them etc which might give you some pointers for future interactions. 😊