Lost my dad and husband to cancer - need help - Page 2 — Scope | Disability forum
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Lost my dad and husband to cancer - need help

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  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Community member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    Be careful of building up a house full of pets and transferring your feelings of loss into dependence on the pets. You will outlive them and re-stir the grief and go through it all over again. I know someone who did this with rabbits and when they died was overcome with the grief never dealt with plus the new grief of the pet she had become so attached to. As hard and hurtful as it seems, you simply must deal with it.

    Once again I understand the difficulties of agoraphobia, anxiety, paranoia and panic attacks. I suffer all of them and have been pushed deeper due to isolation. Try to find something you can do that will get you out and about where the reward for doing so is so good for you that you don't start thinking of worrying and can often achieve what you set out to do. This might sound silly and I am certainly not suggesting you follow my own methods for this but will explain how I have managed to improve. I decided, once I was in a position to afford it, to see escorts. Having been single and completely alone I found that the guarantee of sex and closeness with a woman completely submerged my fears and I could meet a total stranger in a strange place without falling apart. I started out easy by seeing a couple in my home first and then moved onto seeing them in their home or place of business. The strength I gained from doing this has allowed me to join and attend MEETUP events and to walk into the pub where my son works so I can see him. I can now go a lot of places I would never have believed I could. I still have some problems like being terrified of going to hospital but as I grow stronger I hope to overcome those too.

    Perhaps, as a woman, you can find a male friend nearby. Not to have a relationship with but to go out to places together as friends. If not or if you feel unable to take that sort of step perhaps you can try the WI if there is one near you or perhaps a book reading club or sewing circle or maybe a bridge club. Just find something which gives you the incentive to go through with it.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • bevvyp
    bevvyp Community member Posts: 42 Connected
    @Topkitten, thankyou you're words seemed harsh at first but after reading it again I see you're logic with regards to pets and find that I agree, I'm gonna put off having another dog ( tho I did tell my hubby I would get another dog) for a year or so  x thankyou, I'm supposed to be going out tonight for a while to family's house then have my neice staying so I'm not alone,  Then we'll see, I do have A male friend I can go out with but he lost his wife 3 1/2 yrs ago so we can talk but his grief scares me as  he seems like he lost his wife a week ago, his grief is so strong agony it worries me that is can't do this a gonna strong till feel the same in 3 plus yrs ? Thanks  again x

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