Desensitisation therapy AKA Exposure therapy

Hi @Rosie_Scope. My pleasure. Hopefully someone will join me. Maybe even you? I learned it about 20 years ago and very quickly learned just to do it in my head, but as I wrote in another thread recently, I'm really, really struggling with my disabilities more and more, so I need more support. I've also seen some of her videos on YouTube. Yes, she is so calming and gentle. I like her very concrete teaching method too and her humour. Here's one of my favourite ones. This is for intrusive thoughts, which is something that gets in my way a lot and is part of the rewiring I need to focus on for my exposure therapy. Maybe you or other members might benefit from this....

Okay I've set my ultimate goal:

To be able to take the bus when it is full of people with any of my mobility devices (I have two different walkers, an e-tricycle and an electric scooter).

The next step is to define smaller goals that build towards that goal.

In addressing anxiety, the most important step for me is to figure out if my anxiety is appropriate. Sometimes I'm anxious for good reason and sometimes it's not fitting. After much thought, I've come to the conclusion that my fears with taking the bus are valid fears because the bus is unsafe for the following reasons:

• The bus driver will not wait for me to get settled, so I have to try to get to a seat on a moving bus while simultaneously having to find a place for my mobility device. This is so clearly very dangerous. I have called the bus company in the past and they said the driver does not have to wait because they have to keep a schedule.
• When I go with my walker, people often refuse to give me a seat saying that I already have a seat with my walker. They refuse to see that a walker cannot be used as a seat on a moving bus. Also there are very few disability seats, so they're often not available. So I'm left standing, trying to manage my body as well as my mobility device, which is very dangerous.
• There is an area where you can put mobility devices, but it is too small for my scooter to fit, so I have to be partially in the aisle. Also, there is no way to secure my scooter because of the design of my scooter (hard to explain but there's no way to anchor it). Also the brakes on my scooter don't work on the bus (as they're not meant for a bus), so it slides across the bus when turning corners or the bus brakes are hit hard. So the scooter is at risk of hurting someone else and the scooter brakes will be destroyed.
• For my e-bike, I cannot figure a way to secure it in the mobility device zone because the seatbelt there typically doesn't work or is nonexistent and I can't find anything of my own to secure it. Plus I cannot stand there to monitor my bike because I would have to stand, and my feet cannot handle the strong forces of the bus movements - my feet don't work, which is why I need mobilty devices.

I have a carbon fibre walker made by byAcre that is lightweight and the rear wheels can typically fit under the seat. It is difficult to maneuver on a moving bus and not possible to use standing. But I'm thinking with practice I might be able to get comfortable using it on a bus that has available seats. The problem with this walker is like with all walkers, that I can't go far on my feet, but there are times when it's suitable. So this is the only option I have right now. I'll work on that.

For the other mobility devices, I will set things in motion to solve the problems, starting with making an appointment with my GP to see what she can suggest. Movement is not optional. I do not have to live like a trapped animal. Or at least I can try to get out of my trap. Even the exercise of trying I believe to be healthy - even if in the end there is no solution.

I'll work also now on getting comfortable taking the metro and local trains with my mobility devices.

Taxis are very expensive, but sometimes they're a necessary expense. A couple of weeks ago, for the first time, a cab driver told me he had the right to refuse my e-bike because of the lithium battery, even though it's a disability device. But he decided to take me. So this is another transportation problem that I have to address. I will call the cab company to talk to them about it.

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement @Rachel_Scope. Because of this, you're a huge reason I was able to do this. I had to use all my skills to calm down enough to see through the fear, to assess the situation. In the desensitisatio video I'm doing - this one

Emma suggests one of the ways of approaching your hierarchy of fears is to imagine the fearful situation, which is what I've been doing. I've been imagining every step, but I had to calm down first to imagine, to see all the steps clearly.

Realising now the danger I've been in, I'm just so very grateful that I didn't hurt myself or someone else.

I haven't physically set up the bus yet, but imagining it yesterday did a world of good. Because I dissociate from my body, I can tolerate an incredible amount of pain because I just block it out. So moving my body in various new ways with my different mobility devices (each requiring different movements), and moving the devices themselves in different ways all require me to connect to my body to minimise strain. In particular I've learned at home how to move to manage my foot pain, back pain and shoulder pain. So I'm going to start to practice these movements at home. Hopefully I can learn to connect to my body in the various mobility devices.