Desensitisation therapy AKA Exposure therapy

MBPJS · October 10

Really grateful that this thread has been set up regarding anxiety and travelling on public transport. I think for me it’s the unpredictability of travelling on buses that’s hard for me with my walker mobility aid. You never quite know what’s going to knock bump or crash into you especially when there is a lot of health recovery going on that involves recovering from pain frailty weakness mobility issues that could do without any extra damage if you know what I mean.

🍋🍋‍🟩🗡️⚽️🌷🌷🌷👸🏽🦋⚖️

StarryEyed · October 15

Hi @MBPJS. Oh my goodness, yes, I can so relate to what you say - unfortunately. I'm sorry you struggle too. Thank you for posting that. We have another thread about public transportation from within the last year, but the search function isn't working well, so I can't find it for you. It was really good. Maybe you can find it?

So I've been running around town all week and been on the phone to address so many different transportation issues, and the harder I try to solve the transportation problems, the worse the problems get. Sometimes it's better not to try because if you don't try you can hang onto hope that if you did try it might get better. So you can exist on that hope by not trying. But if you try and it doesn't work, hope is lost. Now how's that for a terribly upsetting thought?!? 🙃 Dang! Well I'll keep trying anyway. The only other option is to sit in lockup at home, living within just a few blocks. In the end, that may be my only option, and it is a viable existence, as some people have clearly shown on this forum. But before I do that, I'll try to sort out these problems.

StarryEyed · October 21

One of the horrible things I found out last week is that I am not allowed to go on the city bus at all with my scooter or my e-tricycle - nothing electric. They say I have to have a certification of being physically disabled, and that once I get that, I need to apply and they will only licence one of my devices. The thing is, I'm on a three-year waiting list, so will not find out until May 2027. But people I asked told me the bus drivers don't ever enforce this rule. So I don't know what to do. Still thinking on that, and have to call someone to figure out where I stand, but I don't know who yet.

The other problem is I practiced trying to secure my e-tricycle (AKA bike) at home for the bus using my strap since there is no way to affix it on the bus as the bus seatbelt never works, but it turns out the strap is way too complicated to use. So I bought a new strap and have taken the bus once with it, and it worked. So I'm going to practice that more, hoping of course that they allow me to go on the bus. But I'm quite sure this new strap is the solution.

Another problem that I had was the front wheels of all my two walkers that fold side-to-side get tangled when the walkers are folded and moving. So I practiced at home, and figured out the tricks of how to prevent this and how to fix it. The trick is to be careful on turns (to go wide) and when going in reverse, and if they get stuck to open the walker a bit to get the tires going parallel again.

All these years of using mobility devices (3-1/2), it never occurred to me to practice at home, even though I knew my brain doesn't work when out of the house. (To be honest, it doesn't work in the house either, but it's even worse outside of the house teehee.)

There are still many other problems to be resolved, which I'll hopefully post the solutions to soon enough.

Rag_793 · October 21

I liken my mental health and physical health to being stuck on a massive roundabout on an endless loop. You can see all the exits as you go around, but you just do not know how to take the right exit.

StarryEyed · October 22

Oh yes @Rag_793 that's a perfect analogy and photo. I really like also in the pic how you can't see where the exits lead to. Sheesh! I honestly don't know if I can get a grip. There are just so many obstacles it's really daunting. And it's just bare basics that I'm stuck at, like movement. But I know a lot of us here are stuck on the basics, so we at least don't have to face our challenges alone. I hope you too feel the support on this forum.

So today I took my bike on the bus twice. The first time was okay but it still took me too long to get the strap in place. The second time, the strap slipped and my bike crashed to the floor. So I'll have to find a different strap. There are two stores locally to check out - a hardware store and a camping store.

I also went to the city bus office today to ask them about the seatbelt. They said it gets activated like a car seatbelt, with sudden movement. Since I couldn't admit to them that I took my bike illegally on the bus, I couldn't ask why it doesn't work for my bike. My guess is it's because my bike is too small to activate the belt. Here's my bike (e-tricycle ) on the bus today...

StarryEyed · 3:58PM

Ok now I'm mad. Today the bus driver refused to lower the automatic ramp for me. He said it was only for people with a disability. I said my bike was for disability. He said I had to have the approval from the office with the licence and sticker from them. I said I was waiting for approval from the government to be certified disabled so that I could get my licence and that the waiting list is three years. He insisted I could not use the ramp without the licence and refused to lower it. Somebody had been walking by and had stopped to listen, and she offered to lift my bike onto the bus. Luckily the bus driver allowed her to do that because I know he could have refused my bike on the bus.

So. I'm once again in my life put in a position where I have to fight for a most basic effing human right - getting on a bus. It's absolutely baffling how stupid my life is. But there it is and I have only recently decided that for the little time I have left I will step up to bat once again and fight. So the city bus company is now in my cross hairs. I don't know how I'll approach this, but I will. And I might make no headway, but I know trying has a lot of merit, regardless of the outcome.

The past 3-1/2 years since my feet gave out on me, I've been avoiding public transportation as much as possible due to my fear of public transportation. The first 1-1/2 years I was basically housebound. Then I got my mobility scooter, which gave me some movement but very limited because it's huge, doesn't go very far and is heavy, so it can't go to a lot places and it was too big for the bus so I only went on it a couple of times. Then a year ago I got my bike and went pretty much everywhere with that - again bypassing public transportation. By taking my scooter and bike everywhere and by sticking close to home, I managed. But since July my bike battery barely lasts so the bike is not an option anymore. So that's when I started this thread - when I decided to use transit. I had no idea of these rules until now. It's absolutely ridiculous. But I'm sick and tired of being boxed in because of my fear of public transportation and now even moreso that the city refuses to let me use it.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to get my bike fixed too. Not sure yet what the problem is. But even if I can fix it, I need to decrease its use so that it lasts longer, and the best way to do that is start taking it on public transit.

Oh, and I bought a new strap today that hopefully will work better as it's more sturdy and easier to handle. I haven't tried it yet though. I'll catch my breath and try to illegally get on the bus another day. I'll just breathe a bit and pull up my socks. There are just some things in life that are really worth fighting for. Pick your battles, you know. I think this is a worthy battle. As long as I believe that, that's the strongest fuel for the battle.

Rosie_Scope · 4:08PM

Really sorry to hear you had to face that set back @StarryEyed! Existing with all these barriers around takes so much strength and resilience and I don't think many people understand that unless they've lived it.

Hope you have some better experiences once you're rested and ready to go again. And fingers crossed that strap works out better for you!

StarryEyed · 4:17PM

Thank you @Rosie_Scope for reading all of that and for your kind words of empathy and encouragement.

❤️🙏🏼❤️

Desensitisation therapy AKA Exposure therapy

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