The empty space in my heart - Page 3 — Scope | Disability forum
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The empty space in my heart

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  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,793 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @bevvyp, you are a member of our community and we appreciate you. We really hope that your counselling appointment today helps.

    If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at [email protected]. If you feel that you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away.
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @bevvyp Sorry for what you are going through.  I hope and pray for what is happening to you.  I feel for you sending a message of support.  I feel your pain.

    I have memories as all of us do of losing loved ones or friends.  The hurt and the pain last so long.  I understand that.  I am glad to see that you are seeking help and support with this..  I understand that is difficult that you think that no one cares.  We care as a community. 

    All of us in the community and I am speaking personally have the sense of loneliness and these emotions and feelings.  Hope you can try to think about the good times, the great memories you had with your partner.  It is not easy and try to go on and try to cope.  That is the hardest part.

    As for your family yes it was your son s birthday.  Is that important to you or him.  You are in my opinion come first.  If they do not have the decency to invite you do not go, make a fuss.  I know you feel rejected and unwanted and may I say unloved.  I understand and agree that you try to cope with these emotions and feelings.  That's is important first.

    May I suggest, please remember I am not interfering here.  Just you remind me of many people who I have come across and I myself have been in a similar situations.  Especially my family.  I understand and still get very emotional and upset over all that.  Now that is the past but still gets to me.  One of the things I used to do and sometimes do is  a stress diary.

    Make a diary to write down all what is hurting, feeling emotional, words are a comfort.  I used this idea by my support workers all the ones I have had.

    Also may I say feeling down, depressed anxious and any other emotions.  Write it down.  Even better if you wish to at weekends I am on here looking for a chat or talk as many our community do.  Am here to listen.. I use this forum all the time.  Last time I was looking to see how you were getting on with life and things.

    I know it is hard to express feeling, emotions and other issues and problems.  We as a community try to share each others difficulties in life.  I am always learning and am always surprised by the amount of support and emotional wellbeing I get with my posts.  If I am having a bad day which is most days.  If you look at my recent posts.  I sound off on anything that hurts, bothers me.  Thank you SCOPE and others for being patient and tolerant.

    I hope and pray for you and please try to contact The Samaritans again I know reading what you said it was busy.  I have done so myself once or twice maybe more and they are their to give help, support and advice.  Take care nice to talk to you. 
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  • bevvyp
    bevvyp Community member Posts: 42 Connected
    @PippaScope @thespiceman @Ella1976 @DannyMoore Thank you all for you're kind guiding words, lots of empathy and wishes X I saw a new councillor today who deals with compounded grief as all together I have lost 2 cousins, 2 dear friends,  a brother in law, my nephew, my dad and my husband ALL in the last 18th months x  a real rum deal but I actually felt someone was listening to me,   and then to come home to all you're positive support messages was  lovely so a massive thank you to you all X I'm going to bed now and hoping for a bit of decent sleep, I feel I have let a lot of emotion out today and don't feel so burdened with grief at the minute X it is comforting to know you are all here for me and I'm  hoping in the future to be strong enough to help support you all back xx much love xxx
  • bevvyp
    bevvyp Community member Posts: 42 Connected
    @Budgie2 you sound very strong X thank you for you're kind compliment xx
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    [Deleted User] Posts: 126 Courageous
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  • bevvyp
    bevvyp Community member Posts: 42 Connected
    @Ella1976 thank you so much for sharing you're pain with me, i am so pleased you are starting to find a way forward albeit still very painful, I have thought of a memory box but as yet I haven't even moved his toothbrush, I pick things up and then put them back where they have been for the last 25yrs,  I could just manage all the grief with my hubby to cuddle but not since he became ill, I hid my pain well from him, but he knew how I was feeling, at the time everything was we_ we got a blood test we got a scan etc and now it's just me and our dog who howls at night on his chair unless she is on or under our bed in his spot X he died in his own bed as we agreed but it was hard being strong for 10 months while I watched him pass after already losing so many so close, my dad 5wks  before, his funeral was terrible for us all but my hubby insisted on going, he was so Brave
  • [Deleted User]
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  • bevvyp
    bevvyp Community member Posts: 42 Connected
    @Ella1976 you certainly had it rough too, I've only just got up and slept mostly although I still woke but was able to get bk to sleep, getting up is the worst, coz I wake up and re_remember  everything, the anxiety attacks are the worse_ frightening when I can't lift my arms, doc says it's adrenalin raging through my body? Hate people saying just get on with it, I've arranged to go out today with eldest grandaughter,  then I only have tomorrow and my youngest will be here Thursday for a couple of days so I'm trying to be proactive today xx Thank you all for the support xxxx
  • bevvyp
    bevvyp Community member Posts: 42 Connected
    I think I'm still in shock but at least I have a councillor who works with compounded grief now X I'm allergic to my dog so have to have sheets between us or I get a rash but realised I was allergic too late and we were in love so I cope with it 
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  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @bevvyp and @Ella1976   Thank you for sharing your memories of losing loved ones.  I know that it is not easy to talk about the pain and heartbreak.

    As a gentleman for me to see and be with people who I have loved and care about gone.  The days become lonely.  I strive every day to go on but I can see and recall the memories.  I find that I wallow in sentiment and think why me Lord.  Yet I can understand that the time I spent with them was short but happy, laughter and tears.  May each day be a day to remember.

    A lot of my friendships and relationships were such days of joy and we all meant some thing to each other.  Having friends like that we are were part of a community but I have to look back not only with tears of pain and realise that the opportunity to help others with problems and find solutions. 

    The giving, sharing, warmth, caring that they bought to my life and each other lives enriching having a shoulder to lean on.

    The memories last long and linger.
    Community Champion
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  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Ella1976 Thank you for words of comfort.  It is much appreciated.  My past health history has a lot to why I am this way, I never say that to any one in my circle or community pull yourself together get a grip.  I am not that sort of person plus I only have them in my thoughts and prayers.

    When you have had an addiction history.  It is a community.  I do not want to upset any body in the forum.  People say to me I could not cope with that.  When I explain you are in rehab or meetings or group sessions.  The person you are talking to might not be there next day or week  You strike up a friendship each day or week that you meet.  As you do.  Then the day comes they might have to back into hospital or some thing like relapsed.  Even worse the end has come.  Sorry if I was upsetting anybody.  It does happen. 

    I have to put my supportive ,compassion heart out there.  Even if you are crying a thousand tears inside, so hard so difficult.  I feel the hurt of others.  Probably why I since never really get close to any body any more.

    I have a mate up the road me and him support each other.  Need to share both of us doing OK and are always talking about who we have lost in our community.  Know last few years lost mates  some of them with partners and children.

    I struggle with as I say thinking of this now but it is the stories that I can gladly share with every body of there lives.  Moving on always try to any way.  Have to but, what does make my angry this disease is never really discussed in full society.

    Maybe I am the one who is a survivor to discuss and debate this.  Last mental health charity hated me talking about it.  My mate works in clinics supporting others drugs and alcoholism.  I feel that we as a  society do need discuss the harm it has done.  Always start of year on the web causes for concern.  Health stories the worry and the damage it is doing.

    Take care 
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
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