Hi, my name is tula! - Page 2 — Scope | Disability forum
Please read our updated community house rules and community guidelines.

Hi, my name is tula!

2»

Comments

  • tula
    tula Community member Posts: 17 Listener
    Hi. Thank you for your advice. He has been staying with me because I haven't been well. What do I do. He also stays with his sister in lisburn. He doesn't have a permanent address, as he came home from London, three years ago. 
  • tula
    tula Community member Posts: 17 Listener
    My x who took my son, whom I looked after for 14 years, who has autism. I think he reported me as we had words before Christmas. Haven't spoke to that man from my son left. He rang me and the abuse he give me was unbelievable. 
  • Han_Solo
    Han_Solo Community member Posts: 114 Courageous
    I think it is childish and cruel that somebody would go out of their way to the abuse the mother of his child. The good thing is that you have moved on from him.

    You will need to get one of those special phones that can record conversations and the next time he calls to give abuse, do mention why he reported you to the DWP. 

    So is your boyfriend spending more than a few days at your place if he is visiting from abroad? And if he is visiting the UK from abroad, then it is perfectly fine for him to stay at yours. I have known friends and relatives that visit from abroad and spend weeks (and months) at somebody's place. 

    So when your boyfriend is in the UK, where does he stay when he is not at yours?

    If he is homeless then he will need to find a hostel place and then get on the housing waiting list. Hostels are the shortcut to get housing.

    Do return to the CAB and explain your situation and arrange with somebody to advocate for you in this matter. The last thing you want is to have your benefits suspended and being accussed of benefit fraud.

    Also, get in touch with the Scope Community Team and take some more advice from them.

    I will say this and I hope you do not take it in the wrong way and in the positive  spirit that I am communicating with you as I am always honest and straight with people. At times it is better to be this way, rather than keep sugar-coating the problem.

    For 2018, you have to make a concerted effort to stop being the 'victim', to eradicate all negative people from your life, to be proactive and to fight for your rights for a better life. If not, then I see you sinking even further into despair. But  this change has to come from you, from within. It will not happen overnight but you will have to start somewhere.

    I will hope that 2018 is your year for better things to come.

    Keep strong.

  • tula
    tula Community member Posts: 17 Listener
    I am a strong person, didn't meet my new partner until 2years.ago. he came home from London after his marriage broke up and was living with his mum. 
  • tula
    tula Community member Posts: 17 Listener
    I understand about benefit fraud and my benefits being stopped. This wAs over 4weeks ago from they were out with me. I'm a very honest person and have never been in trouble in my life. Thank you for thoughts, on this issue.
  • Han_Solo
    Han_Solo Community member Posts: 114 Courageous
    I am glad you took my last email in the spirit that it was intended.

    From reviewing your situation it seems that you are constantly reacting to things, and in time I would like you to be proactive in things. But it will take time.

    Use your strength to not take any more of your ex's abuse.  Hopefully a mediator can be involved in this and then start the long process of trying to reconnect you with your son. At some stage it might have to go to court, to insure that your rights as a mother is respected and honoured.

    If grandparents who have fallen out with their kids can get the law to make sure they see their grandchildren, then you as a mother have every right to. Of course there are caveats to every situation.

    If he was living with his mum (your partner) after he returned from London, then where is he living now if he is only just visiting you for a couple of nights?

    If he is still at his mother's, then this needs to be made clear.

    If you do not want to tell me then fair enough, but the fraud squad will eventually want to know. So be prepared to answer them.

    If he is living at yours full-time, then explain that you needed the support to help you cope with your daily life as you are finding things tough.

    I hope this helps.
  • tula
    tula Community member Posts: 17 Listener
    Aww thanks. My son is coming 18 in July. We have been  through the court, two years ago. Judge couldn't understand why my son didn't want a relationship with me. His father x cid hasturned him against me. Enough said. Thank you.
  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,793 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @tula, I just wanted to say hello and add my best wishes to those above: I'm so glad that you've found people to talk to, and I hope it makes things a little easier to bear. If there's anything we can assist you with, please do let us know and we'll do our best to help.
  • tula
    tula Community member Posts: 17 Listener
    Hi and thanks. Going through a hard financial state. Depression and menapause ain't helping matters. Thinking of moving my partner in as he would call most days and would stay the odd night. Lives with his sister but works close to me. Need information on housing benefit. Thanks
  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,793 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi again @tula, you may find Scope's information on housing benefit helpful, as well as GOV.UK's resources on housing benefit which show what you may be able to claim.
  • tula
    tula Community member Posts: 17 Listener

Brightness