Negativity!!! — Scope | Disability forum


kittycat Member Posts: 8 Listener
Hi. I’ve got 2 boys with Sen. My youngest is non-verbal & severely autistic.  I had a big fall out with my hubby over Christmas, due to his families constant negativity about our son and why he won’t talk? My sister-in-law really upset me, and basically slagged off my whole family & said the autism came from our side of the family.  She’s never apologised despite knowing I am upset.  It spoilt my Xmas, partially because my hubby sat there and let her do it without stopping her and defending me!!!! I have told him I don’t want anything more to do with her, and she is not welcome in our house! 
She is due to come down twice in the next few weeks and I am dreading it.
I should also point out by hubby and sister-in-law also lost my son last year when he was in their care! The police found him thank goodness, but my son doesn’t like her, and I suspect was trying to get/run away from her!  He’s clearly a good judge of character!
Any advice on how to handle it, would be greatly appreciated, as I am stressed out about it!


  • emmrald
    emmrald Member Posts: 10 Listener
    You don't need those comments not even if its your sister-in-law tell hubby that if she comes to your house you will tell her how you feel secondly ask her how many autistic children she has looked after and how much they know about it  good luck kitty kat
  • lillybelle
    lillybelle Member Posts: 583 Pioneering
    It’s your house, if you don’t want her there then tell her to find somewhere else to stay. Hotel etc
  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,799 Disability Gamechanger
    I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, @kittycat, it sounds like you have your son's best interests at heart.

    I'm by no means qualified to assist here, but you might want to consider contacting Parentline's confidential support line, as they could be better placed to offer some support and guidance in this case. Wishing you all the best!
  • louhira8
    louhira8 Member Posts: 1 Listener
    Everybody's an expert!! I had my in laws with me when my 2nd son was 5 weeks old, they came from India and stayed for 3 months. My eldest son was 3 1/2 at the time ( he's now nearly 15) and by then we knew that he had learning difficulties/ delays of some kind. (He is severely autistic with global developmental delays). His grandfather ignored him the whole time he was there but then wanted to take my boy to India because there's a doctor there with a CURE for autism. It's these kind of people who wouldn't last 5 minutes looking after our children. I'm with lillybelle here, neither you or your son need the atmosphere. Good luck
  • feir
    feir Member Posts: 395 Pioneering
    so what if the autism came from your side? it doesn't cure him or help anything to know that. she's obviously got some kind of ego issue going on and possibly even looks down on your son for being autistic (which is awful if she is).

    if it was me i'd just cut contact because it's not my job to educate anyone, but if you feel you have to bother with her i'd remain polite and emotionally detached from her so long as she is also being polite. slightest sign on aggro from her i would continue to remain emotionally detached and reply to her that you don't really care for her opinion and don't want to discuss this again. if she continues to talk just walk away, show her unless she respects your family then you're not going to entertain her.

    i did this with an ex, he'd been hassling me for years and trying to control my life (because i had his kids), i did tell him a few truths of my own that probably hurt his ego too but i was sick of him. but being clear, calm, and assertive can work.

    if you think there's any chance of her being violent to you for being rude then i don't recommend doing this.
  • kittycat
    kittycat Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Thank you, for all of your comments. You’ll love the latest update! She told my hubby at the weekend that she is coming over on Saturday to see the boys!!!!
    Erhhh,...I don’t think so sweetheart! I told him that he could go and see her at his mothers house and that I didn’t want to see her.
    Hubbybis scared of her I think, so Christ knows how his ‘little chat’ went today.
    Dreading the weekend. :-(
  • feir
    feir Member Posts: 395 Pioneering
    take kids out to the park on saturday if it's nice? hehe.
  • kittycat
    kittycat Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Ha!ha! Like your way of thinking! Maybe a day trip to Farmer Palmers is in order!!!