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How do I get help? 
I feel suicidal. 
I have felt suicidal and attempted suicide in the past. 
I still haven't gotten over the abuse I suffered. 
I keep trying to sign up to a talking therapy. 
Only to be told the services wouldn't suit me. 
I can't sleep at night. 
I have to go to bed fully clothed. 
I only get out when I have a doctors appointment. 
And even then someone has to bring me. 
I feel sick when I leave the house. 
I feel so alone. 
I can't put it all into words. 
My chest hurts. 
I don't feel safe. 
I feel scared all the time. 
My moods are constantly changing. 
I need to talk to someone. 
I am going through a lot. 
There is no one I can trust. 
I have physical health problems that are not getting better 
Talking therapies refer me to cmht and they 
speak to me once and discharge me. 
The crisis team just tell me to see my doctor 
my doctor just increas my medication 
i don't think increasing it will help 
I have been to a and e before after a suicidal attempt and all that happens is someone talks to me for 5 minutes and even though I point out I am still suicidal I am still sent home
most times home treatment see me once and I end up attempting again a few days later 


  • Lasian_Alumni
    Lasian_Alumni Member Posts: 659 Pioneering
    edited February 2018

    Hello @EllieStar1989, I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

    You are a member of our community and we appreciate you.

    If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at [email protected]

    You might also benefit from reading MIND’s information on how you can help yourself:

    If you feel that you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away.

  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,673 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @EllieStar1989
    I am really sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time.  I hear from other people that support is hard to find and that you can end up in a frustrating cycle of being passed from one place to the next.

    It is positive and a credit to you though that you are still seeking support. I wondered when you say someone takes you to the doctors, is that someone you trust? Do they understand how hard you are finding things?

    You also say that you can't put it into words, I just wanted to say that you have done a really good job in this post, do you think writing your feelings down might help and be easier than speaking them?

    You are a valued member of this community and we have lots of members who have faced their own mental health challenges, do keep talking and I hope that we can be a place you can talk.

    I know you may feel that you have nowhere to turn and perhaps you have tried the Samaritans already, but do consider calling them on 116 123 as they are trained to support and listen and they may have better suggestions of where else you can go for more help?

    Senior online community officer
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    edited February 2018
    Hello @EllieStar1989
    So I've just found your post. You need a friend, EllieStar (lovely name) and I'm here if I can help.
    I've spent most of my life wishing it was over, made the first attempt on my own life when I was about 10 years old and the last when I reached about 18. But an element has never changed.
    I have medication that works for me, and joining the community here has itself been a great help to me because I can be useful, and life has acquired more meaning.
    There's no time limit here. I'm not going to listen to you with one eye on the clock. There are times when I'm off line, but I am here a lot and will always get back to you as quickly as I can.
    Talk to me. I'm listening. Not judging, not criticizing, just listening.
    Take care,
  • EllieStar1989
    EllieStar1989 Member Posts: 44 Connected
    Update called Crisis team told to call back in the morning 
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Ellie (?) @EllieStar1989
    That's part of the problem, isn't it? Everything's okay if you only feel a need during office hours, and if you see anyone during office hours they're watching the clock, conscious that they only have a certain amount of time before your allowed time is finished or they need to see somebody else.
    Now I have to go for dinner in a moment, but I will be back. And if you tell me, now, that you need to talk to me desperately right now, the dinner will just have to wait.
    Talk to me, I'm listening.
    I can't guarantee to help you, but I do guarantee I will do my damnedest.
    Take care,

  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @EllieStar1989   How are you I saw your post.  Please I am sorry what you are going through.

    I understand reading your post you have spoken to Richard and two members of the SCOPE team .  That is excellent.

    Please can I say welcome pleased to meet you.  I have mental health issues mainly anxiety and depression.

    The big issue around mental health is that you need to try to get much and support as you can.

    Second thing you have been passed to pillar to post.  You have crisis teams and hopefully they can help.

    I have to be strong this is me what do I want ?Where get help and how can I go on.  Lots to answer questions.  In my head.  This is the same for every body.  The system is in meltdown and in over burdened.

    All you want is reassurance I agree you need support I agree.  Problem is and this is so hard.  You have to ask for what you really want.  Try to talk to those who can help like GP.  Not easy and you are scared, frightened to ask.

    I know I have been there so many times.  I am a gentleman of a certain age seven minutes later I am out the door.  Help I want help got nothing.

    So I appointed an advocate.  Local advocate charity who can speak for me.  Often NHS service or PALS have one.  Then that is a voice to speak for you.

    Worked first time.  Also please can I say talking is good, if that is what you want.  Not group sessions.  Use local charity to ask GP might be answer.  You need to be aware that I have done talking therapy some good some bad.

    This helps me this forum some days .  I need the love and support..

    Write it down what do you want if that helps.  Show the GP.  Problem is may I say also system so over loaded, budgets spending and the rest.  Time you have is limited.  Trust me I have been there.

    Left so many mental health charities you never stay with same one.  Once they feel you OK .  Let you go.

    This about you though so small steps.  Try to be positive.   Which is never ever easy is it I feel for you.  I say that.  I have been there so many times.  I had experiences of my mental health now still ill.

    Trying to get help.  Now early fifties and it goes on.

    Please speak to any of us in the community

    I am always here to listen

    Your friend

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • EllieStar1989
    EllieStar1989 Member Posts: 44 Connected
    Spoke to crisis team last night told to call cmht today called told I will be seen in 5 weeks pointed out I was suicidal I think I need an advocate 
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @EllieStar1989 and glad to hear from you again. Glad to see so many people have responded to you, including @thespiceman, who is brilliant :)
    I read in your earlier post, with great sadness, that you have been abused, and it should come to no-one as a surprise that you find it difficult to trust anyone.
    All I can do is try to be here for you, if it helps, willing to listen.
    I said it before: You Matter.
    Take care of yourself,

  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @EllieStar1989 Hope you can try and find some help with getting an advocate.  I used a charity called Re think very good.  Based in my area.

    I live in the North East.  What they do is you have a chat and you have to be specific.  What do you need?  What and how can I get and require service of a Mental Health Charity for example.

    A lot of the staff have had mental health issues.

    They will speak for you but not there for counselling and tell you what to do.  Just impartial, constructive advice.

    Also please can I say my story simple.  Got assessed by mental health services. Physiatrist said we can help with advocate there.  Two weeks advocate was contacted because Physiatrist changed mind.  Can not help.  Got advocate who spoke to  service. Who  followed this up between them and the advocate.

    Stood our ground.  Had to admit were wrong.  Issue ended up them wrong.

    Worth doing.  Am here and Richard and the team ready to be there.

    Always in my prayer and thoughts

    Your friend
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • EllieStar1989
    EllieStar1989 Member Posts: 44 Connected
    I live in linconshire 8 miles from a town
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @EllieStar1989 I understand that.  I live in a rural back water.  Just making a point that help can be sought.  It is finding the right support for you.

    No one knows how you feel.  I have been abused, hurt and have emotions and feelings.

    I have to say we as a community do have concern and care about you.

    You have to say to yourself I have these feelings and emotions I need exactly what.  The thing is I have to say this.  You can do this.  No one runs your life for you.  You are in control you must try to understand that.

    Mental Health services you must realise is a service provided to help you get better.  Give you independence.  Manage your mental health.  I found if you know what you want and this is not easy to say and do.  Try to help yourself much as you can.

    The system is now that you have to and I am not being harsh, cruel here.  I am a gent who has been there.  That they expect you to meet them halfway in any plans and goals they have set you.  Any aspects of your care plan you have a say.  If you do not wish to move forward.  I know this as well they have to reassess you and decide the outcome.

    It is all about the money and budgets much to the chagrin of people like me and you. 

    I am being honest with you here and truthful.

    You will get results.  It is all small steps.  At your pace.

    I will admit I had suicide feelings and emotions.  Had a really terrible childhood and have had addiction history.

    I hope you understand what I am saying.

    You live eight miles from a town.  So you possibly will have to travel to access services.

    I do know now please be aware.  Mental Health Charities will do home visits.  Please be aware they might possibly charge for mileage to visit you.  To come with you plus if wish to be picked up.  Added on car park fees.

    I live in a rural area this what a lot of  the charities are doing now.

    I found this out recently.

    Sorry to tell you that.  It is happening.

    Take care

    Always in my thoughts and prayers.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • Annmarie12
    Annmarie12 Member Posts: 15 Listener
    Hi elliestar1989 I'm so sorry for you I know what you are going through I haven't had the guts to tell anyone about my real issues I'm lucky I have a daughter who keeps my medication and gives me it when she should and always watches out for me it sounds as if you have no one but you have taken a  big step by sharing your troubles you can chat to me anytime I'm new here but  I can relate to all you are saying please stay in touch with scope as they are all lovely take care huni and be safe xx
  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,793 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @EllieStar1989, good to hear that you've managed to speak to some organisations. As you say, 5 weeks seems a long time. I've moved this post into our ask a mental health advisor category in case our brilliant advisor has any other suggestions for you. 
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @PippaScope Good morning in reply to you helping @EllieStar1989

    This is happening more and more, sorry to say.

    I had to wait longer several times.  To the extent that my Doctor shouting down the phone.  Ironically they rang when I was in the surgery, in front of the Doctors.

    My mobile went off I said it is the CPN team and she is trying to speak to them, what a farce.

    This man needs this now this support and help all falling on deaf ears.

    Took eventually about three months to get what I need.  In the mean time I am in crisis.  Called them out. several times.

    Much of such a let down and upset.  I am just saying in my post to this lady trying to say it is a shame.  That we as a society can not get help with out issues and problems.  Caused by over burden and under funded systems.

    Take Care

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • RebeccaMHadvisor
    RebeccaMHadvisor Member Posts: 99 Courageous
    Hi @EllieStar1989

    I can hear that things are very difficult for you and you are clearly struggling. I think you have been very brave to be so honest with your post and you are very eloquent in your writing. 

    I think there is some great advice and support on this thread and I hope that you find some of that useful.

    It is really unfair how underfunded the services are and five weeks, when you are in crisis just isn't appropriate Trying the advocate route that you have mentioned is a start and please keep chatting and try and remember that you deserve help and support.

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    [Deleted User] Posts: 1,741 Listener
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  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Worth remembering, perhaps, that problems with services are across the board. My wife has had to cancel a hospital appointment for tomorrow simply to have her ears syringed. Next available appointment? May.