Frustration

Definitely. I try not to think about, bit my PIP review has brought it all back. Lately, my brain keeps saying, "42 years old, and you can't even cook for yourself." Ugh.

thespiceman said:

Hello @Waylay Pleased to tell you never too old to start cooking.  Helps.

If wish to can advise and give some tips, tricks and shortcuts.

When I first started cooking and when I mean cooking.  By way not all foods need heat or use cookers.  Ovens.

I found saving loads of money so that my even now.  I am amazed how much I save.  You might be interested if you are look out for my posts or find them.  Done several.

Hi @thespiceman ! Now I understand your name!

You're very kind. Unfortunately, it's not that I don't know how to cook (I dated a Bangladeshi chef for years - my curries were famous; my bro is a sous-chef in a very fancy restaurant in Montreal; and I lived in a housing co-op in my 20's, and cooked for 40 people once a week for 3 years). I loved cooking.

My problem now is that I physically and sometimes cognitively cannot do it. Some days I can't stand at all (crawling to the bathroom - not humiliating at all ), some days I can stand for 5-10 minutes, a couple of times, with breaks in between, but in doing so my neuropathic pain begins to increase, my sciatica gets worse, and the chances that I'll have a back spasm (agonizing, impairs my mobility, can last for days) get much higher. I can sit and do some chopping, etc., but sitting is usually not good for me either, and even on reasonable days I can't sit for more than 15-20 minutes, maybe twice. I have a few useful aids - perching chair, wire basket to lift out of pot with pasta in it, slotted spoon, sometimes buy pre-chopped veg (but they're so expensive!), but even with all that, cooking usually makes me much worse, and often means that I have to eat in bed.

When I'm on a lot of pain meds, or have screwed up my MH meds, I get so out of it that I boil pots dry, slice my hand up with knives, dump boiling water on myself, and once I even reached into a pot of boiling water to pick out a stray hair, scalding myself badly. Of course, this kind of thing makes me really anxious about cooking, and I have depression and anxiety anyway, so I often get too anxious to even go into the kitchen, especially when a housemate is there. Other times I'm too depressed to have enough motivation to get out of bed, never mind make something and eat it. I've lost over 3.5 kilos since about September because of not eating, and that's with my partners feeding me up, friends and partners calling/texting to remind me to eat, a couple of friends making food deliveries, and one of my partners coming over 3 times a week with food and making me eat it.

I miss cooking. In particular, I miss cooking for other people! I was good at it (although not amazing), band it made me happy to invite people around and feed them. It was one of the ways I showed love. Now I might chop up a couple of veggies for a friend and keep them company while they cook, but that's all I can do.

On a few days I might boil pasta, add sauce from a jar, and then put cheese on top, but that's about it. I sometimes make porridge on the hob - put all bits in pot, turn on hob, set alarm on phone, go and sit down for a few minutes, get up and stir, sit down again, etc. Even on my best days, I can't wash the dishes afterward, and often forget that they're my dishes by the next time I go to the kitchen! Mostly I graze (a couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter, a carrot, 2 tomatoes, a slice of bread with butter, a couple of biscuits), or buy ready-made food when it gets marked down. Also, one of my partners got me this stuff called Huel, which you mix with water or milk (I use soy milk). It tastes OK, and it's a complete food.

*shrug* I try not to think about it.

Luckily both my partners and several of my friends are really good cooks, so I still get yummy food sometimes. Oh, and some friends got together and made up freezer-bags of food that I can just stick in a slow-cooker for a few hours. Those are nice.