How do others with cerebral palsy deal with relationships

everfunkyjd
everfunkyjd Online Community Member Posts: 10 Contributor
edited April 2018 in Cerebral Palsy Network
Hey all

How’s it going? Looking around for some like minded people, thought this might be a good place to start. Would be great to hear your experiences of a few things I’m struggling with. 

Comments

  • gnmeads
    gnmeads Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 187 Empowering
    Hi everfunkyjd
    So what is it you are struggling with may I ask?
  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Online Community Member Posts: 10 Contributor
    Hello gnmeads

    Thanks for your reply. 

    I just wanted to see to see how others with cerebral palsy deal with relationships, starting them, being in them. Also dealing with being perpetually single. 

    I’ll be 40 in a couple of years and am yet to have a relationship, I thought I was ok with it but a recent difficult event has demonstrated otherwise to me. 

    Just wondered if anyone has any coping mechanisms that help put these matters to the back of their minds or should I not give up hope?

    Big questions I know, and I’m sure this crops up all the time. 

    Many thanks. 
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Online Community Member Posts: 2,290 Championing
    Hi, @everfunkyjd and a warm welcome to the community. Relationships! Oh, the grief we ALL have over relationships!
    I hope you are well and that you're finding members' feedback helpful. In the meantime I am going to tag in a gentleman who knows a great deal about CP and may be able to direct you to the best resources. @Richard_Scope
    Warmest best wishes to you,
    Richard (JennysDad)
  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Online Community Member Posts: 10 Contributor
    Thanks Richard. 
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,915 Cerebral Palsy Network
    Hi @everfunkyjd
    Relationships are never easy for anybody! Most of my relationships have been formed from friendships at first. 
    I will include a link to our relationships expert

    https://community.scope.org.uk/categories/ask-a-sex-and-relationships-expert 

    I hope that helps.
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Online Community Member Posts: 2,290 Championing
    Hi @everfunkyjd
    A couple of thoughts occurred to me. The first is that judging from your photo you are actually quite a handsome chap and second that I became 'single' again in my early forties. Relationship-wise those turned out to be the best years of my life :smile:
    Hope that may help a little bit.
    Warmest best wishes,
    Richard
  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Online Community Member Posts: 10 Contributor
    Thanks @Richard_Scope and @JennysDad. 

    Regarding relationships forming from friendships, that’s often what I’ve hoped for but it’s never come to fruition. I make very good friends but once I’m a friend that all I’ll ever be.

    I’ll have a read of the link you’ve posted. 

    Thanks 
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,915 Cerebral Palsy Network
    Hi @everfunkyjd
    What you have described there is the experience of most men!! The dreaded friend zone. Perhaps you are looking too hard and putting too much pressure on yourself.
  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Online Community Member Posts: 10 Contributor
    Yep!

    I try to relax about it and be patient but that’s tough. 
  • Jean_OT
    Jean_OT Online Community Member Posts: 511 Empowering

    Hi @everfunkyjd

    Have you heard of Outsiders?

    http://www.outsiders.org.uk/outsidersclub/

    I heard some very positive things about the peer support that people have been able to get from attending their events etc

    Best Wishes

  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Online Community Member Posts: 10 Contributor
    Hi Jean

    No I haven't, I'll check it out.

    Thanks
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,602 Championing
    Have you ever thought about dating websites @everfunkyjd

    Some do classes these days (cooking/cocktail making etc) so you can meet new people who are interested in the things you like too.
  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Online Community Member Posts: 10 Contributor
    Hi @Sam_Scope
    Yes I’ve used online dating sites in the past. Spent a fortune but never had a date. I find it just as difficult as face to face and quite unnatural. I struggle to keep a conversation going. I’m a bit reluctant to do it again but I do need to push myself towards uncomfortable situations otherwise it’ll never happen. 
    Classes sound like an interesting development, I’ve seen the adverts on telly. 
    Cheers, I’ll reconsider that. 
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,915 Cerebral Palsy Network
    I have a few friends who were incredibly shy and they gained some confidence by speed dating events. What about giving that a try @everfunkyjd?

  • A1Smiley
    A1Smiley Online Community Member Posts: 4 Listener
    In my experience using dating app, once the person knows & understands my disability, they usually just ignore me no matter how we get on. So, it's hard trying to find someone, but you have to keep trying.
  • A1Smiley
    A1Smiley Online Community Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Also, trying to find other disabled people in your area on these apps is impossible.
  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Online Community Member Posts: 10 Contributor
    Hi Richard_Scope
    Thanks for your suggestions. I spent a lot of my late twenties and early thirties trying online, speed dating & meet up events, nothing ever came from any of it. I do need to build up the courage to give everything another go, it's just a bit daunting. 
  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Online Community Member Posts: 10 Contributor
    Hey all

    I rediscovered the Headspace meditation app shortly after joining this group and have found it really helpful. I’m still a bit nervous about online dating and speed dating but hopefully the work I’m doing will slowly help build my confidence to a point where they might be an option one day. 

    If anything it’s helping me deal with my frustrations a little better.

    Worth considering if anyone else is in the same boat. 
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,915 Cerebral Palsy Network
    Hi @everfunkyjd
    Good to hear from you and thanks for the recommendation.

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