How do others with cerebral palsy deal with relationships — Scope | Disability forum
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How do others with cerebral palsy deal with relationships

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everfunkyjd
everfunkyjd Community member Posts: 9 Listener
edited April 2018 in Cerebral palsy
Hey all

How’s it going? Looking around for some like minded people, thought this might be a good place to start. Would be great to hear your experiences of a few things I’m struggling with. 
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  • gnmeads
    gnmeads Community member Posts: 187 Pioneering
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    Hi everfunkyjd
    So what is it you are struggling with may I ask?
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  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Community member Posts: 9 Listener
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    Hello gnmeads

    Thanks for your reply. 

    I just wanted to see to see how others with cerebral palsy deal with relationships, starting them, being in them. Also dealing with being perpetually single. 

    I’ll be 40 in a couple of years and am yet to have a relationship, I thought I was ok with it but a recent difficult event has demonstrated otherwise to me. 

    Just wondered if anyone has any coping mechanisms that help put these matters to the back of their minds or should I not give up hope?

    Big questions I know, and I’m sure this crops up all the time. 

    Many thanks. 
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  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi, @everfunkyjd and a warm welcome to the community. Relationships! Oh, the grief we ALL have over relationships!
    I hope you are well and that you're finding members' feedback helpful. In the meantime I am going to tag in a gentleman who knows a great deal about CP and may be able to direct you to the best resources. @Richard_Scope
    Warmest best wishes to you,
    Richard (JennysDad)
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  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Community member Posts: 9 Listener
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    Thanks Richard. 
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  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,648 Scope online community team
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    Hi @everfunkyjd
    Relationships are never easy for anybody! Most of my relationships have been formed from friendships at first. 
    I will include a link to our relationships expert

    https://community.scope.org.uk/categories/ask-a-sex-and-relationships-expert 

    I hope that helps.
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer and Cerebral Palsy Programme Lead

    'Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.' 

    Want to tell us about your experience in the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
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  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @everfunkyjd
    A couple of thoughts occurred to me. The first is that judging from your photo you are actually quite a handsome chap and second that I became 'single' again in my early forties. Relationship-wise those turned out to be the best years of my life :smile:
    Hope that may help a little bit.
    Warmest best wishes,
    Richard
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  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Community member Posts: 9 Listener
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    Thanks @Richard_Scope and @JennysDad. 

    Regarding relationships forming from friendships, that’s often what I’ve hoped for but it’s never come to fruition. I make very good friends but once I’m a friend that all I’ll ever be.

    I’ll have a read of the link you’ve posted. 

    Thanks 
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  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,648 Scope online community team
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    Hi @everfunkyjd
    What you have described there is the experience of most men!! The dreaded friend zone. Perhaps you are looking too hard and putting too much pressure on yourself.
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer and Cerebral Palsy Programme Lead

    'Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.' 

    Want to tell us about your experience in the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
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  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Community member Posts: 9 Listener
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    Yep!

    I try to relax about it and be patient but that’s tough. 
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  • Jean_OT
    Jean_OT Community member Posts: 513 Pioneering
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    Hi @everfunkyjd

    Have you heard of Outsiders?

    http://www.outsiders.org.uk/outsidersclub/

    I heard some very positive things about the peer support that people have been able to get from attending their events etc

    Best Wishes

    Jean Merrilees BSc MRCOT

    You can read more of my posts at: https://community.scope.org.uk/categories/ask-an-occupational-therapist

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  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Community member Posts: 9 Listener
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    Hi Jean

    No I haven't, I'll check it out.

    Thanks
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  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,671 Disability Gamechanger
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    Have you ever thought about dating websites @everfunkyjd

    Some do classes these days (cooking/cocktail making etc) so you can meet new people who are interested in the things you like too.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Community member Posts: 9 Listener
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    Hi @Sam_Scope
    Yes I’ve used online dating sites in the past. Spent a fortune but never had a date. I find it just as difficult as face to face and quite unnatural. I struggle to keep a conversation going. I’m a bit reluctant to do it again but I do need to push myself towards uncomfortable situations otherwise it’ll never happen. 
    Classes sound like an interesting development, I’ve seen the adverts on telly. 
    Cheers, I’ll reconsider that. 
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  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,648 Scope online community team
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    I have a few friends who were incredibly shy and they gained some confidence by speed dating events. What about giving that a try @everfunkyjd?

    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer and Cerebral Palsy Programme Lead

    'Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.' 

    Want to tell us about your experience in the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
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  • A1Smiley
    A1Smiley Community member Posts: 4 Listener
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    In my experience using dating app, once the person knows & understands my disability, they usually just ignore me no matter how we get on. So, it's hard trying to find someone, but you have to keep trying.
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  • A1Smiley
    A1Smiley Community member Posts: 4 Listener
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    Also, trying to find other disabled people in your area on these apps is impossible.
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  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Community member Posts: 9 Listener
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    Hi Richard_Scope
    Thanks for your suggestions. I spent a lot of my late twenties and early thirties trying online, speed dating & meet up events, nothing ever came from any of it. I do need to build up the courage to give everything another go, it's just a bit daunting. 
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  • everfunkyjd
    everfunkyjd Community member Posts: 9 Listener
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    Hey all

    I rediscovered the Headspace meditation app shortly after joining this group and have found it really helpful. I’m still a bit nervous about online dating and speed dating but hopefully the work I’m doing will slowly help build my confidence to a point where they might be an option one day. 

    If anything it’s helping me deal with my frustrations a little better.

    Worth considering if anyone else is in the same boat. 
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  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,648 Scope online community team
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    Hi @everfunkyjd
    Good to hear from you and thanks for the recommendation.
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer and Cerebral Palsy Programme Lead

    'Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.' 

    Want to tell us about your experience in the community? Talk to our chatbot and let us know. 
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