Dating and relationships
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My partner is taking me for granted

RochelleTurner_92RochelleTurner_92 Member Posts: 1 Listener
edited November 2018 in Dating and relationships
I have a partner who works a night shift but when he's at home he sleeps too much.
I feel like he's not giving me enough attention and is taking me for granted.
How can I do something about this?


  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @RochelleTurner_92 Pleased to meet you welcome.

    Thank you for joining and sharing.

    In response to your question.  I do not know the answer. 

    Speak to relationship councillors or Relate.  One suggestion.  Look on line for the details to get in touch.

    There will be members of our community who will be able to advise or a member of our team.

    Please take care

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  • steve51steve51 Member Posts: 7,175 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @RochelleTurner_92

    Welcome, it’s great to meet you today

    Heres details for you from our site.

    0808 800 3333

    Please please let me know if I can help you further????

  • Eadiesmummy1Eadiesmummy1 Member Posts: 90 Courageous
    @RochelleTurner_92 how do you mean taking you for granted hun? Is he expecting you to do everything? x 
  • mikehughescqmikehughescq Member Posts: 5,979 Disability Gamechanger
    Shift work is not natural for humans and takes a very specific mental and physical toll on health. You need to start with a discussion about how you’re both feeling. 
  • ulrichburkeulrichburke Member Posts: 18 Connected
    Dear Rochelle.

    I'd break it down into instances, almost Spock (Star Trek!) like. Taking him being knackered from a working shift into account, make a list - mental or otherwise - of all he seems to expect from you ("I WANT MY SUPPER ON THE TABLE PIPING HOT TEN MINUTES AFTER I COME IN!" kinda thing, y'know what I mean!) v. all he does for you when he's NOT knackered (I'm as guilty of this as any other guy, knackered guys can become ursines with rotten teeth!) If the list seems overly weighted on his side - he's a bloke, that's a distinct possibility! - then see how he reacts to you asking HIM to do things when he's not tired from work. If it's a variation on the 'GASP - I go out to work all the hours God sends....' us guys are prone to a LEETLE exaggeration! - '... and she expects me to DO STUFF HERE TOO!?!' then a little withholding of conjugal rights - works for my sister, I've never had a partner, too darned ugly - plus a mano-on-mano discussion on the definition of 'balanced relationship' could be in order.

    Honest warning from the heart. If he reacts angrily/ violently to any suggestion that he could discuss the above balanced relationship with you, for starters he's in denial and for seconds - that's a flat no. I'm a total believer in equality between two people, any signs of argument/violence equals game over unless they shape up. On either side. The closest I've ever had to two relationships died because I was constantly psychologically bullied by the lady, that happened twice and I'm still getting over the second time. 

    If he loves you, he'll listen. Could even be he's just been too tired to realise how much you're doing for him. Never tell him I said this last sentence, but I'm including m'self in this - us guys CAN be a bit like dogs, we need our noses rubbed in what we're doing that you have to clear up afterwards, to stop us doing it!! But again, like dogs, once we're shown and shown what to do we'll do it because we love the one showing us our mistakes. 

    Yours respectfully

  • Pippa_AlumniPippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,851 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @RochelleTurner_92, and a warm welcome to the community!

    Thanks for sharing this with us, and I'm sorry to hear that you feel you're being taken for granted.

    You've had some great advice from our community members, so do have a read and let us know how things are and how you're doing. If we can be of any assistance, do let us know!
  • residentevilfanaticresidentevilfanatic Member Posts: 1 Listener
    Hi guys and girls, I'm the partner that's being spoken about. Thankyou for all your support, I honestly hadn't realised that I was doing what I was doing! I've only been back on shift work for 3 weeks having had a 2 year career break.  We've sat down and discussed it in detail, between the 2 of us we've come up with a strategy that is far! Thankyou for all the support and I'm sure both of us will continue to find this forum useful! Many thanks all x
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