Disabled people
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SamszSamsz Member Posts: 8 Listener

I posted on here earlier, but I don't think it was on the right part!
I was just asking about my friend who has cerebal palsy, he is in his 50's and lives with his elderly parents.
They have always been quite strict with him - they make him go to bed early, don't let him have visitors etc 
 He has never had the confidence to move out, but has had enough now. He has had his own chauffeur business for years and so has done really well with his disability.
He lives in Watford - Does anyone know where to go from here? Will there be sheltered housing that would be adapted to his disability, would he get financial help....? 
Any advice would be really appreciated.
Many thanks, Sam


  • TopkittenTopkitten Member Posts: 1,263 Pioneering
    The difficult part would be to get on the list at all as, with such a housing shortage, he would be considered appropriately housed and not in need unless he was actually made homeless. Making yourself homeless doesn't count.

    I can only think he would have to move into rented accommodation first and only then apply for financial / housing help. As a single gent though he would likely be put very low on the list.

    Afaik sheltered is harder to find than normal social housing.

    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • SamszSamsz Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Hi TK,

    I see - not great then.. By on the list, do you mean the council list?
    I thought their would be something equivalent  to sheltered housing for the elderly - where you have an apartment on a complex that has wardens 24/7?
    Thanks for taking the time to reply, Sam
  • TopkittenTopkitten Member Posts: 1,263 Pioneering
    @Samsz, I don't know if it varies by area bu here you have to apply for the council list to get into sheltered as well. Once on the list there is a special department to handle sheltered type accommodation and, I guess, there is as much a waiting list for sheltered as there is for normal housing. I contacted the council about moving a few months ago but they couldn't help until I had a report stating I needed wheelchair accessible. They did suggest I also try the sheltered department but they were even worse jobsworths than the normal housing department (which is saying something). Do remember that there is a very serious shortage of suitable accommodation of all types since councils stopped or severely cut back on new social housing some years ago (something else to thank the Conservative government for).

    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • SamszSamsz Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Thanks TK - appreciated
  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 700 Pioneering
    Perfectly successful businessmen should be eligible to get private rented, or mortgage?   

     Some available will be mainly intended for retired, but would accept disabled 50's.   

      Others, maybe a far better option, would have a spare room for a congenial companion to be his lodger at reduced rent?

    Have a look at Habinteg, just as empowerment.  Then also look at c.p. and other specialist agencies, for support and advice and an advocate.   

    Very often, parents with all best intentions cannot let a child become independent.  It is a form of abuse.    But of course the parents don't realise it, and dont mean it, and it comes from wanting to protect in cotton wool.    It will need diplomacy, but they need to know they have made him more vulnerable,  not less.

    While they are still alive, they can and must assist him to establish an independent  life without them.   Every child must be taught to dress and feed himself, and if he physically cannot, then he needs to be taught to be assisted by suitable trustworthy helpers. Not, not, not exclusively by mum, who will not necessarily be there every single day for his entire lifetime.

    Next, the parents have the duty to cut the apron strings in other ways, such as letting the child find out the hard way that staying awake too long makes for exhaustion next day.   And, he needs to know which strangers to trust, how to make friends, how to have an enjoyable social life, and how to protect his body and his bank account from vultures.   Doing it with watchful parents on his side will be better than suddenly facing it entirely alone.

    It is understandable your pal's parents, now in their 70's or 80's, held an old fashioned assumption.    I'm sad that a man I once5 knew had extremely  mild learning disability, and would nowadays have been expected simply to get a job, within his capabilities.  Instead, he was virtually a prisoner of his mum, and on her death, he was thrown entirely unready into the bewildering outside world of a so called care home, where he,  too,  soon died. 

      Another man had a good career, friends, independence and his own home, with his siblings keeping an eye out for him and doing any reading and writing as required. He was a manual labourer for the council.   His  disability was pretty similar learning problems to the first man, but a generation later.

  • SamszSamsz Member Posts: 8 Listener
    Hi Newborn,

    Thanks for such a detailed reply.
    His business is not doing too well at the moment due to getting behind after having a fall a couple of years back - took him a long time to get back physically to where he was - hence not being able to afford a mortgage.
    Could be a good idea to be a lodger...not sure what he would think about that.
    Just took at look at Habintag - looks good - do you know if the rent is subsidised?
    Yes I get what you mean about his parents, but they have always encouraged him to be independant so it doesn't really make sense - he also says she will hit him if he back chats him... Could be that she looks at him as a child still.
    Thats sad about your friend - good that times have changed.
    Thanks for your help and I will pass it on to him.

    Regards, Sam
  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 700 Pioneering
    Yes, to be a lodger might be a possibility,  I had not thought of it.    It could be a good first stage, and I hear there are adult foster care schemes, which might be a pre-first stage, with the aim to go step by step to independence.

      Instead, I was thinking he could be the tenant of a flat, and someone could be his lodger. 

      There are schemes I believe,  including church ones. An approved person, usually vulnerable  elderly in their own home, will be matched with a  screened lodger.  For low or no rent, the student/lodger will agree a certain number of hours and tasks, and it gives reassurance that the person will not be entirely lonely.

    Housing benefit will be available if rent is unaffordable.   Is he claiming his disability benefits?

    Ordering him to bed, forbidding visitors, and hitting him is not acceptable or legal.  He has mental capacity.  He needs an advocate and expert assistance. He needs to get out of there. 

    How did  you come to know him?
  • SamszSamsz Member Posts: 8 Listener

    Thanks again for all of your great ideas.
    A good family friend of ours has been his best friend for years - he is a lovely, remarkable person.
    I'm sending these messages to him to see what he thinks.......

    Thanks again, Sam
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