Being talked down to — Scope | Disability forum

Being talked down to

cracker Member Posts: 324 Pioneering
I have been going to the same hair dresser for 15 Years. We  came quite close outside her salon, trading garden plants, going out for coffee. 

I went for haircut this week with an aide, and it was as if I didn't exist any more. She talked over me to the aide,, saying "Thanks for being her" and carried on a conversation with the aide , leaving me out. She treated me as a person who now needed help and was no longer in her world.

I was really hurt: my physical condition is not good, but I am the same person she has known and liked over the years. Yet she treated me as if I were a bit demented. 

I was very hurt and insulted  Any way you have dealt with this?


  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
    My first question is what did your aide do to redirect the hairdresser to you, if you felt you were being treated badly they should have supported you in that situation as they are supposed to be ambassadors. My second question is did you say or do anything to bring the hairdressers attention back to you or address the situation? I can understand if you did not feel able to at the time. What would I Do? Probably go back in to talk to the hairdresser another day or call them up or change hairdressers. I would also speak to my aide about it. Best of luck x
  • Misscleo
    Misscleo Member Posts: 647 Pioneering
    Iv had this since iv had a walking stick.
    Even close friends decided that my IQ had gone down 10 points because i cant walk as fast ss i did
  • Matilda
    Matilda Member Posts: 2,610 Disability Gamechanger
    The hairdresser is at fault not you - can you find another hairdresser?
  • hippyhead
    hippyhead Member Posts: 1 Listener
    My intellect is intact but because I am chair bound,  some people think I am deaf or stupid . Ignorance is bliss to some  people , and some are just rude or insulting , I tend to stay in as I also suffer from social anxiety , Fed up with shops, restaurants and disabled facilities,  xxxx
  • cracker
    cracker Member Posts: 324 Pioneering
    I have a friend who was a college teacher and professional dancer before MS put her in a wheel chair. Now, people shout at her, assuming her deaf, pat her on the head.

    I get "Oh, you poor dear thing, how awful it must be to look like ;you (broke my back an d lost 4" height, have severe scoliosis so I am all twisted. They do assume I am mentally defective, too, speak to you as if I were a retarded child.

    I'm sorry you go through this, too. We are not treated with respect.
  • DavidJ
    DavidJ Member Posts: 51 Pioneering
    I too have come across this . After my accident I had lost 5 inches in height , but I am still a formidable 70 year old dragon . My friends disappeared and I was quite ill for a long time . When I finally ventured out I found that people would talk to me but via my companion or carer . Like you @hippyhead my head still works .
    I have made new friends over the years and am heavily involved in voluntary work .Some of my die hard friends are still around but very few visit me at home.
    Fortunately for me I am ex military and cope with whatever life throws at me , but the one thing I can say is that I haven’t lost one of my army buddies ! Not one ! We may not visit or talk for 30 years or more but the instant one of us shouts out it’s always answered The main problem is the calling to the gun park in the sky as we go to meet our maker ! However the ex forces organisations are a gods send and I cannot praise them enough .
    I am busier in retirement than I was when working 
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 587 Listener
    Ugh, my housing patch manager is like that, when I first moved into my current home she came out to see us (me and my Son), spoke to me like I was an idiot but spoke to my Son normally, I refuse to ask her for any help or advice now and if I need to make a complaint about the housing then I tell them I don't want her involved.

    It can make us feel pretty **** when people do this to us, there is no need for it, we aren't stupid and we can't help being in pain and/or having mental health problems. I've had this problem a few times now.

    Sorry this has happened to you also Cracker (and other people on this thread).
  • uniquejourney
    uniquejourney Member Posts: 14 Connected
    hi there,
    i have had similar experience in hospital (i am sectioned on a adolescent psychiatric unit) with one of the Support workers (health care assistants).
    This story does have a vaguely happy ending however.
    So this starts with the fact that i do have asperger syndrome and do space to process and respond. 
    so this member of staff who we will call A. was on my meal support (this was the first time i had meet her, she is bank)  she was being extremely condescending, going 'good girl, oh good girl G' over and over. she was invading my personal space as well. 
    i then got too overwhelmed with the stress of food and her so i walked off into the main room here, she followed me and continued, i then went somewhere different, now majorly freaking out. one of the other patients calmed me down enough and persuaded me to go back. 
    she then started up again, and kept telling me to stop rocking (something i do when i'm stressed to try and keep myself calm). i then walked out for a second time which she was rather indigent about.
    she then came up to me to start having a go at me and stuff again, at which i snapped and told her to go away. (i have recently found out she then complained about me later to other patients)
    she was then on shift a couple of weeks later and she was my one to one in the morning, and being patronising and condescending again. so i was already pretty wound up. 
    she was talking to the others and then completely changed her tone, posture and attitude towards me, talking to me like i had an IQ of 40 or under (my IQ is about 140) she had majorly triggered me by this point from past trauma. 
    i manage to (eventually) talk to the person who was doing my breakfast who was really good about it and later on saved me from having A at lunch. and said he would report her for me because of how she was treating me.
    i have had so many times when i have had bad experiences because of what people assume. i also have physical health problems so they just assume i don't need to sit down and then i have to sit on the floor. and all sorts of comments and bullying.
    sorry it's very long
    hope it helps someone feel not so alone.
  • wilko
    wilko Member Posts: 2,447 Disability Gamechanger
    O dear what a state we find our selves in! Conversations are a to way thing both and all present should be involved to the decusuion be talked about and not dominated by just the one or two who like to hear their own voices heard. I’ve never had or received that treatment before or since becoming disabled. If I am unable to contribute to the conversation by improving or enlighting those present then I keep quite. Conversations are a part of our daily lives so excluding someone is rude and inexcusable, so say excuse me I am still here thank you may shock them but it will let them know you are still present and able.
  • cracker
    cracker Member Posts: 324 Pioneering
    @wilko I had \not thought of telling them that. I will do it nest time.
  • cracker
    cracker Member Posts: 324 Pioneering
    @uniquejourney, I had to be in a rehabilitation facility for 3 months. When I told the nurse who was on at night that I was in pain and needed my medication, she answered "When I get around it" and gave me the tablets perhaps an hour later.

    I am sorry you had to go through that. I hate hospitals. THey are also the best places to catch an infection or MRSA.
  • uniquejourney
    uniquejourney Member Posts: 14 Connected
    @cracker i had another bad experience with a support worker last night
    they have actually been really good and helpful with my physically symptoms and the nurses have been chasing the doctors.
    i can even start to explain how bad last night was for me. 
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @cracker Understand all of this so started to write letters and notes to every one involved.

    Had certain members and people in certain support groups talk over you. Belittle make fun. Nit pick have a joke at your expense.

    Last time got left out on I believe even now on purpose for a lunch get together.

    Talked over most of the time. Ignored and made a fool often some one in the group feels has to comment.

    Arrived one lunch time gave them all the notes and letters and left.

    Got to make a point. If some one is harming, hurting you say so.

    I do have to.

    Hope that helps.

    Hate walking on eggshells.  Need to express. If that means on my lonesome so be it.  Who wants friends like that. Being rude and talking over you.

    Remember your best friend is always you.

    Take care.


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