Housing and independent living
If this is your first visit, check out the community guide. You will have to Join us or Sign in before you can post.
Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Find out how to let us know.

Living alone for the first time

Flossie24Flossie24 Member Posts: 18 Connected
I recently went for my first ever rental viewing. Accompanied by my mum and brother which may have struck them as slightly odd at nearly 25 but I need the support. It was perfect. I couldn’t believe it. Just around the corner from my parents and even with my struggling body it’s a do able walk. It’s cosy and small but perfect for one, a proper little cottage.
So I put an offer in and paid my holding fee yesterday. It was rash and probably not well thought out but I didn’t want to lose the opportunity. And I would have if I had waited.

But as I was laying in bed last night I had a sudden feeling of absolute dread. I didn’t sleep. I was wracked with panic attacks and sudden pain all over my body from an anxiety enduced fibromyalgia flare up. I laid there in the middle of the night and had a cry.

Thing is I’ve never lived on my own. Nearly 25 years and I’ve only ever been alone for a week max. And that was still in my own home, they just went on holiday.
I know it has to be done at some point but I always thought of it as a long term plan and now it’s happening. And I know I’ll love it. I’m painfully introverted, most days I don’t really like talking to people. But there’s a comfort in knowing their there. Especially at night when I seem to have my most extreme anxiety. I want to cancel the whole thing. So now I don’t know what way to turn. 

Anyone else who lives alone (especially if you have autism, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia or anxiety) what are the pros and cons? Were you scared? Was it a good choice for you? I just want to make sure I’m making as much of an informed move as possible.

Thanks everyone.

Replies

  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,653 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Flossie24, thank you for taking the time to share this with us all! It sounds like you had a really hard night, how are you doing now?
    Scope

  • Government_needs_reformGovernment_needs_reform Member Posts: 859 Pioneering
    @Flossie24 I can see how you would feel moving in to your own place, I left home at 16 a long time ago.. been married too, now I live on my own and have done for many years.

    All I can say in the hope it helps. You've said it's just around the corner from family, so that's helpful, once you move in just get them to help you settle in if their prepared to come around to help you settle by staying a few hours a day.

    I won't lie to you being on your own for the first few months you will feel so alone, what does me in is the winter time in the dark evenings, but on a plus it's your space.

    It sounds like you have a supportive family.

    I to have MH problems, physical issues and autism and COPD.

    Think of it this way you have family that will help you im totally on my own.

    If you take it Flossie I wish you well with it.
    ⬇️
    I created one of the campaign election videos for Labour, and Jeremy Corbyn,
    This is a new version of Emeli Sande, Hope "You Are Not Alone
    I highlighted everything that's wrong with this country from benefits, NHS, UC etc, but now we have to put up with the hate now that is the Tories. 

    You can see the video here.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P5o8hRHh9IY


  • charlie79charlie79 Member Posts: 203 Pioneering
    It was the first time for me 2 yrs ago always lived with people. The experience is different for every individual. As one of your replies says the first 2 months you do feel alone but you do adapt. This is something I find effective if I am nervous anxiety ect switch the tv on. It helps with the background noise and psychologically it helps me. Its like kind of tricking the mind that you are not in place on your own. This may not help you but you will find your own ways and little hacks as you go along. Brave girl you'll be fine. :wink:  
  • Flossie24Flossie24 Member Posts: 18 Connected
    @Chloe_Scope
    Thank you for asking. I managed to get a little sleep this morning so I'm feeling a little less sick. I also had a chat with my brother about it which really helped so I'm feeling a little less pressure and stress.

    I think I might try and go for another viewing and then I can make a decision. Nothing rash this time though :) 

  • Flossie24Flossie24 Member Posts: 18 Connected
    @Government_needs_reform
    Sorry to hear that your alone. And about your marriage. And thank you again for your advice and your support. If there's anything I can help you with let me know.  

    I get how lucky I am with family, I know a lot of people aren't as fortunate. Everything you said and suggested was comforting. I'm just not good with change I think. I mean I cried for a week when I had to change bedrooms a couple of years ago. Anyway thanks.
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 8,052

    Scope community team

    Hello @Flossie24!

    Like any big change, it's going to take time to adjust to your new situation, but this is also a real opportunity for personal growth and will probably lead to new-found independence for you. I understand some people read 'independence' and think 'alone', but you're also still very close to your family, so I imagine you'll be able to rely on them for support and that'll help with the transition. 

    Another viewing sounds like a really good idea. It might help you to remember all the reasons why you wanted to move out in the first place. If you do decide to take the plunge, there are some great tips online for getting used to living alone which I'd be happy to share with you. :smile:
    Community Manager
    Scope

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.
  • Flossie24Flossie24 Member Posts: 18 Connected
    @charlie79 Might seem intrusive but are you happy living alone? after the initial adjustment of course :) 
    The TV idea a good one. I'm definitely going to be setting up my record player in the living room if I do move in.  
    I'm sure I will be fine and I'll adjust its just madly scary and thank you for the 'brave girl'. I must be tired because that brought a tear to my eye. 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,653 Disability Gamechanger
    Glad you managed to get some sleep @Flossie24 and it's great you have that support from your brother :) Another viewing sounds like a good idea! It's always good to have options and to find what works for you. I hope it all works out. Like Adrian has said, there are loads of things online which can support you through the transition :) 
    Scope

  • Flossie24Flossie24 Member Posts: 18 Connected
    @Adrian_Scope
    Thank you. 
    Independence not alone. I like that. I guess its a change in mind set.

    I think another viewing is a good idea. I just hope they let me. I'm sure they will. I was very overwhelmed the first time so it should be good. 

    Tips are always appreciated thank you !
  • charlie79charlie79 Member Posts: 203 Pioneering
    My experience is different I am a strained with no contact with family members and have 2 friends. Yes I am happy but I have a cat and she is one of my main aids helping to live alone. They are independent but great company. I am housebound due to some horrific experiences and 2 yrs later I'm still in my flat, so I have faith you make this leap. Just give yourself time, radio is good to.
    The problem is being housebound limits you to what services you can access who do home visits, and you have to battle through long channels to get support. 
  • Government_needs_reformGovernment_needs_reform Member Posts: 859 Pioneering
    Flossie24 said:
    @Government_needs_reform
    Sorry to hear that your alone. And about your marriage. And thank you again for your advice and your support. If there's anything I can help you with let me know.  

    I get how lucky I am with family, I know a lot of people aren't as fortunate. Everything you said and suggested was comforting. I'm just not good with change I think. I mean I cried for a week when I had to change bedrooms a couple of years ago. Anyway thanks.

    @Flossie24 Thanks for that, but I'm used to it now, I have my 3 Boys visit so not so bad really the oldest is 40 now. I sound and feel old telling you that🙈

     As for the marriage done 19 years I would get less time in prison 🤣🤣 im over that years ago. I've got my kids that's all I need now.

    Flossie you need to take a chance at moving in, and if you can't hack it  I'm sure your family will let you move back in at home.

    O don't like change either that's why I'm stuck on my own, to be quite honest I prefer it that way now.

    Good luck in whatever you choose.❤️


    ⬇️
    I created one of the campaign election videos for Labour, and Jeremy Corbyn,
    This is a new version of Emeli Sande, Hope "You Are Not Alone
    I highlighted everything that's wrong with this country from benefits, NHS, UC etc, but now we have to put up with the hate now that is the Tories. 

    You can see the video here.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P5o8hRHh9IY


  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,888 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi,

    Living alone can be very daunting for everyone but even more so when you have a disability. If you do move into your own place maybe you can think about getting an animal for company...something that doesn't take much looking after but will keep you company too.

    Maybe a cat? They are also great for those with ASD too. My daughter has ASD and we have a cat, which my daughter adores. He makes her bad days so much better and she often says she wouldn't know what she'd do without him and i believe her. The 2 of them together are amazing...he makes he smile and laugh, they are so funny the pair of them. I definitely think that he helps with her ASD too. One good thing about cats is that you don't need to take them for a walk either. I know not everyone likes cats but if you do like them it maybe something to think about.

    Good luck!!
    Proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice I have given to members here on the community.
  • April2018momApril2018mom Posts: 2,869 Member
    Independent living is doable. I currently live in a apartment building in the centre of town. When I was 18, I moved out of my childhood apartment into my first place abroad. It was a lot easier having friends over here to give me all the information.
    Have you ever heard of gated communities? If you are nervous they can reassure you. Not far from my apartment in another area of town some residents have installed them on their private cul de sac at the bottom.
    I have a secret entry code to get into my apartment complex. We also have a cat. When we are not at home she guards the apartment. Look at your options. A second viewing is a good idea.
    When I was looking at apartments I went for multiple viewings before making a decision. 
  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing team Posts: 8,052

    Scope community team

    Hi @Flossie24, did you go for another viewing? How did you get on? :)
    Community Manager
    Scope

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.
Sign in or join us to comment.