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Trigger Self harm and ending Life thoughts

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  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @filly   Sorry to hear what you are going through.

    I am one of the team of community champions.  We guide, advise and help members of our community.

    Please if I can suggest have the contact details for Women's Aid.

    Helpline 0808 2000 247 

    https://www.womensaid.org.uk.

    This might help you.

    If you having domestic problems and need to find some help and support.

    I am sure if you contact the following may be able to help you.

    https://www.salvationarmy.org.uk.

    Helpline 020 7367 4500.

    https://www.redcross.org.uk.

    Useful in a crisis .

    You mentioned your mental health issues. Please consider the following mental health charity.

    https://www.richmondfellowship.org.uk.

    Can help with any support with your mental health.  Get floating support or an outreach worker. 

    Help and guidance with your mental health.

    Please if we can help with anything please get in touch.

    Please keep safe and take care.

    @thespiceman




    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • david235
    david235 Community member Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Please talk to the homelessness team at your local council @filly , or get someone trusted to do this on your behalf. You may well be unintentionally homeless if you do have to leave your partner's house, in which case the council has a duty to house you. Homelessness teams usually prefer to hear from people who know they are at risk of homelessness, so they can start to work with you before homelessness occurs.

    Sadly, in most areas, the demands on available housing and the number of homeless people means that you will probably only be offered temporary accommodation initially. If you have a social worker or other trusted person who can work with the council, you might get additional priority for more permanent housing on health grounds - but even then there might be long waits.


    I hope you can find the help you need. I send my best wishes - people here are rooting for you and are here for you.
  • filly
    filly Community member Posts: 32 Connected
    Thank you to everyone yesterday he was reamitted to hospital for internal bleeding . He is to be operated on this morning. So it was the pain.
  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community member Posts: 7,942 Disability Gamechanger
    Sorry to hear this but glad to hear they're acting upon it. How are you feeling this morning?
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Posts: 10,586 Disability Gamechanger
    Good morning @filly, I don't believe we have 'met' yet, so hello!

    I'm sorry to hear about your current situation, but thank you for sharing this with us. I hope the operation goes well this morning, are you doing okay? I appreciate this is a lot to take in.
    Scope

  • david235
    david235 Community member Posts: 170 Pioneering
    filly said:
    Thank you to everyone yesterday he was reamitted to hospital for internal bleeding . He is to be operated on this morning. So it was the pain.
    Sending love and best wishes to you both. I hope he recovers well and you have a clearer idea of where you stand soon.
  • filly
    filly Community member Posts: 32 Connected
    He is out of the hospital ,but he's still in pain . But he said it's over and to get out and never contact him again ! A lot of others words ect. 
    The pressure got to me that I have cut myself to release the pain . I am ok feeling calmer just going to keep out of his way . The doctor is ringing me away tommow ,so I will tell the doctor .
    I'm ok not going to do anything else !!!
    I don't need A+ E or mental health team ...
    Still hoping he will change his mind ,as I've got to go to the hospital to pick up more medication for him.
    So tonight I'm fine ! 
  • Topkitten
    Topkitten Community member Posts: 1,285 Pioneering
    Sorry you are going  through this relationship problems can be extremely stressful. There has been some good practical advice given so I won't repeat it, I will just post some thoughts.

    Blaming you for the by-pass operation is both childish and abusive and some of the other things you mention are definitely emotionally abusive. We all control our own bodies and diet and obviously he hasn't done a good job so he wants to blame someone else for a problem of his own making. I would also guess his harping on about the pain is him selfishly looking for sympathy.

    I think you should contact the CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau) as you will hopefully have some rights to remain in the house, at least in the short term. I suspect his abusive attitude is to hammer you down so that you don't start thinking about your legal rights.

    Married or not, if you have lived together long enough, you should be classed as a "Common Law Wife" giving you many reasons to prevent his chucking you out.

    Basically your other half needs to grow up and accept responsibility for his problems caused by his chosen lifestyle.

    Sorry this may sound a bit harsh but considering his treatment of you I think what I have posted is valid.

    TK
    "I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch.
  • david235
    david235 Community member Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Unfortunately there is no such thing in contemporary law as "common law wife/husband", @Topkitten . The law in England and Wales grants no rights over housing to cohabiting partners who are neither married nor civil partners. Section 30 Family Law Act 1996, which gives a right of occupation to a cohabiting partner in England or Wales who does not own or rent the home, explicitly only applies to people who are married or civil partners. As @filly has said she is not married, there seems no point discussing this further.

    Stress of all forms, including relationship stress, can contribute to physical health problems - but we are all primarily responsible for our own health. I share your concern, @Topkitten , that there may well be emotional abuse and perhaps also projection going on here.

    Again, I send my best wishes, @filly - I know it's a challenging situation.
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 10,821 Scope online community team
    Hi @filly, I'm really sorry to read that things have gotten worse for you over the weekend and that you struggled last night. How are you doing today? Have you managed to speak to your doctor yet? 
    Community Manager
    Scope
  • filly
    filly Community member Posts: 32 Connected
    It was worse last night ,I self harmed to relieve the pain. He still wants me gone !
    I have spoken to my GP tonight ,I'm to see her in person on Friday to see if I need to be seen my the mental health team . I told her I would be ok till Friday as sadly the harming as taken the panic away for now.
    I am barred from the living room and to stay in my room with my cats, otherwise he will dump me back at the women's refuse !
    This is my biggest fear homeless again and been alone !

  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,671 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @filly
    I'm glad you managed to speak to your GP and that there are plans in place to see them, it's a really positive step for you to speak to them and I hope you can get the support you need.
    I know you've been given the websites and numbers for a lot of support groups in this post so I won't repeat them but do consider whether speaking to someone like Women's Aid might help you? They are experts in offering support around issues like this and they might be able to help.

    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • filly
    filly Community member Posts: 32 Connected
    Feeling the pressure building up in me again. It may be due to my looming doctor's appointment or the fact that his mum has stayed overnight? She is taking me to the doctor's appointment. Apparently he wants her to go in with me, to more or less rightly blame for him having his operation and hurting his mind. His mum thinks he's very near to breaking point, needing to go back to the hospital for his mental health ...
    She told him she would, but as agreed with me she won't.
    She will teld him that she has! This has made me feel worse,how could he even suggest it ??
    I'm not to speak to him, be as quiet as I can. Otherwise not to be in the same room.
    Is the mother said the only reason that im not on the street with the cats, is that ive got nowhere to go and nobody.
    It is out of pity hes letting me stay, this has upset me quite a lot!
    Then on the other hand that he might take me back?? As there still is something?






  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @filly   Good morning to you. Sorry to hear all this. I know you feeling right now emotional and lots of other emotions.

    You feel I can imagine betrayed, isolated, lonely and feel where and who to turn to.

    Then things happen they just do.

    Love, relationships who knows what is in the mind of your partner. 

    Us men can be difficult, hard to fathom out and misunderstood. 

    I do understand what is important in your mind is this notion is he ever going to want me back your fighting a losing battle the good memories, the good times are in your heart and mind.

    I am not a harsh, insensitive gent never have been but if there is a ray of hope you have a decision to make.

    This is to think of your life with out your partner.  I know that hurts me to say it and I can understand your pain.

    Understand right now you stressed, anxious head and heart over the place.

    You need please if I can suggest. Look at the links provided in previous posts.  I know you do probably have thoughts want to save this relationship . I agree maybe but if he is not listening then you need to consider options.

    You need to be strong have courage find what information is available to you and use it.

    Several of the organisations have there own welfare and housing schemes.  Also consider what many others have been telling you and giving you some support .

    I would right now seek the advice, guidance of those people start making plans right now.

    I understand right now what your going through.  I wish I could do more.

    I do not wish to dwell on the past but the future has to be looking after you and your own self.  Your important, valued member of our community you need to know that you can move on find joy and happiness.

    You can find some where to live remain independent and cope with anything that comes your way.

    It is time for you to be brave, have strength.

    Remember your not alone. You have the community to listen give you a lot of support. Ready to answer anytime.

    There is help and support what you need to do is to think clearly, be positive and have the courage to make the first steps.

    Please can I add one final thing . If you had a friend who is going through all of this. Heart ache, pain, mental anguish and trauma, anxiety.

    What would you be telling them to do right now with a clear conscious.?

    Something to consider.

    I am here anytime if I can be supportive.

    Please take care of your self. I have concerns and care about our community members .

    Always in prayers.

    @thespiceman




    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • david235
    david235 Community member Posts: 170 Pioneering
    @filly - @thespiceman puts it better than I can. I know the thought of change is almost unbearably hard and you are hurting so badly. The most important thing right now is to do everything you can to look after yourself.

    As and when you are able, I encourage you to think about what the future might look like. I know much of you wants to save this relationship: whether that is possible will be up to both of you as it takes two people to make a relationship work. You need to decide whether it is right to try to save it; if, after careful reflection, you feel your future lies elsewhere then it is time to move on.


    Being alone, scared, ill and vulnerable is a very difficult place to be. Please take care of yourself and reach out for all the help you can. I send my very best wishes to you and the cats (can you tell us more about them? I love cats!). The community is standing with you.
  • filly
    filly Community member Posts: 32 Connected
    Hi
    A glimmer of hope, he spoke to me, asked me if I was ok?
    I take this as a positive !!
    I hope this is ?? He knows im going to the doctors, and in his mind leave for good. Yes even if I am right, ive still go to learn to stand on my own two feet.

    I do love him, maybe too much.
    I know that I do not on any account go back to refuse and be homeless! 
    That won't end well, as my mindset .

    I have thought about it many times, and I decided no more enough is enough! 















  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 10,821 Scope online community team
    Hi @filly, I'm really sorry to read this, but I'm glad you sound as if you're feeling a bit stronger. The situation sounds frankly awful and I know you don't want signposting to anything, but have you given Women's Aid a thought as Sam suggested?
    Community Manager
    Scope
  • filly
    filly Community member Posts: 32 Connected
    Hi
    I have been to the doctors, I'm been referred back to mental health. Although she did say did feel any worse I would need the mental health team.
    I told her that I can wait! I see her a wk on Monday but I'm to ring if I can't cope.
    As to the other situation and I'm able to cope by keeping out of the way, as I wanted to get back to my partner. His mother said he will not throw me out! 
    The doctor has warned me it will take possibly a long time to rebuild it at all.
    But she was happy to let things ride out...

    I do plan to get more independent and learn to be normalized as such...
    To ease my current situation I am sadly rehoming one of my cats Sophia tomorrow. This is for her sake, she is going to a lovely home.
    I am sad about it as I breed Sophia myself and she won many prizes at the cat shows. But this is best for her and my other two Sophias mother Mia and baby daughter Gracie she is 10mths old.

  • filly
    filly Community member Posts: 32 Connected
    This baby Grace
  • charlie79
    charlie79 Community member Posts: 258 Pioneering
    I have both border line personality dependancy and have suicidal and self harm last acted on 2016. On these black low moments you feel like Alice in wonderland trying to get out of the whole battling one obstical only to find another slap bang in front again. I find it's difficult for people to understand me also I most frustrating I don't understand myself and under pressure find I focus on what is wrong with me rather than the things are right. I'm just letting you know u r not alone. We feel like it because society tells us it's wrong to talk and stigmatised us so we feel wrong. I put a band around my wrist and flick it when feeling like at a low it helps and I put my earphones on and listen to music or watch a movie. I find because of earphones on there are no surrounding sounds like faint voice partner venting downstairs other than movie.. It helps to put my focus on something else. I've been in your shoes and there's no right answer it's what's right for u. But this may help you cope. Good luck brave one. 

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