Mental health issues
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Isolation and pushing people away...

serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
I have isolated a lot at times in the last few years.
Gradually started doing trips out, visiting nice places, not too far away but a short train or bus ride,(prior to lock down)
looking back over the last couple of years I’ve had Lots of therapy for PTSD and anxiety  . I’ve been on mindfulness courses..I’ve learnt a lot about how to try and manage things..it’s still Very Very difficult at times...
one thing I’m thinking about a lot lately is how I can end up pushIng people away...not in a nasty way at all, I just tend to back off, make excuses, I tend to feel I’m better on my own, and more recently I don’t really get involved with many people. I always feel I have a valid reason for backing off but I’m not honestly sure...I guess I feel I’m the total opposite of needing someone, and strive to always be able to do it by myself...it can be isolating..And although I feel I’m ok alone, I’m not sure, there are times I feel there is something missing...and I’m wanting to explore  this, although not sure where I should start...
Does this resonate with anyone ...

my childhood wasn’t the best..and a lot stems from that, 

I was extremely social at one time in my life, although moved around a lot...now I feel I’m more of a loner, partly it’s ok...but partly it’s lonely too...
not sure I’m making sense..I’m not the greatest at explaining 
Any thoughts ? or anyone who feels they experience similar ...
good wishes to you all 🌹


 :)
Best Wishes
serenity2 

Replies

  • Wini1960Wini1960 Member Posts: 125 Pioneering
    serenity2 I know exactly where you are coming from. Our childhoods shape us in either positive or negative ways. My childhood in part was not great. My father sexually abused me and my mother was narcissistic she would constantly criticise everything I did her words were cruel. So I grew craving love and attention in all the wrong places. I have had a lot of therapy myself. One to one talk therapy, group therapy, CBT. I totally understand isolation to the point my agoraphobia got so bad I couldn't leave the house for months only for appointments and it had to be with my husband. I think the pandemic is making it not easy. Just make sure you get some lovely weather out in the garden listening to some meditational music. All the best going forward.
  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    hi and thank you @Wini1960
    to know I’m not alone means a lot...
    I agree the lockdown and staying home more and more hasn’t helped. It has given me time to think more about the isolation I’ve experienced, and like you, I became somewhat agoraphobic....it took me time to come out and I was doing well, then lockdown has set me back...

    childhood emotional neglect counts for a lot of it with me I’m sure....feeling I’m just better alone, for fear people may hurt me or gas light me, I guess I wonder if I’m always going to be alone...I’ve kinda given up on relationships of any kind in someways...but can’t help thinking it would be nice to have some social interactions with people one on one...
    not sure it will ever happen though really...
    I love meditation and use it a lot 😊 

    I appreciate your reply and I hope you continue to improve with things in life, we deserve to feel better and be able to enjoy things...
    All the very best to you ! 🌺



     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 3,476 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @serenity2 my father was a bully and extremely narcissistic and demanded all,my mothers time when I was child. I lacked confidence so much that I had selective mutism whereby I literally couldn’t speak in front of my peers. Other children thought I was totally abnormal and along with severe hay fever I was housebound for most of my young years especially in the summer. Later I experienced more bullying but learned to fight back. Naturally I have spent time in counselling and I’ve studied anxiety to some degree because it’s so pernicious and debilitating. I’ve been to the brink a few times in my life I hate to say but I’m far stronger now because of it really.

    These days i spend most of my time alone and also use meditation to help stay centred and balanced. I often think back to people I knew years ago and hanker after the past, especially my middle twenties when I managed to break through my confidence barrier a little. At my time of life, over sixty, I don’t want the drama of young relationships or any conflict so I too restrict myself to a minimum of acquaintances.

    its good to talk things over here as you say. Perhaps you could visit a local Buddhist centre from time to time if you’re feeling like a one to one chat with someone in a fairly neutral place. 
  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    Hi @leeCal

    some of the things you have written here totally resonate with me..
    live had times in my life both work and socially that I have been different and social...but I went through a stage when not confident at all too...I was unbearably bothered by people. 
    Exactly like you with the restriction of acquaintances too...I’m a mature person 😊
    Yes I miss certain times too..
    I once went to a Buddhist centre quite some time ago , yes maybe I should look that up again..I did enjoy it..thank you

    good wishes to you , and thank you for taking time to reply and share with me here, really appreciate that so much ! 
     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • gillian72gillian72 Member Posts: 302 Pioneering
    @serenity2 I'm the same I have suffered with manic depression since my late teens on a off antidepressants for triggers an lived with my guard up that never believe someone wants to help or be nice to me without wanting something in return I was the live an sole of a party till I moved away didn't know anyone except ex partners family then slowly one thing after a nother getting more depressed isolated myself never getting depression sorted then 2016 I had a mental brake down an here I am lonely an scared coz this it my daughter will be moving out there looking at houses an that's it I always used to tell them I'd be partying or a month when they grow up an move out its scary lonely now I'm trying to pick the pieces up I went from multi tasking to multi destarter still can't spell lol😛😜
  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    Hi @gillian72

    thank you for replying and sharing,
    It  helps me to share and write things down at times.
    It’s good to know we are not alone in the feelings we feel..
    I'm sorry for your struggles and yes it can be scarey too...
    I often feel far too vulnerable to share how I feel to people..
    So it’s a blessing to be able to come along here and share and find others who experience similar feelings and experiences...

    good wishes to you ..I'm grateful for you 

     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • gillian72gillian72 Member Posts: 302 Pioneering
    @serenity2 joining on here is the best thing I've ever done wish id done it sooner, an the fact there is so many different groups an advice on Benifits etc etc I'm still learning to get around on here but I'm getting better lol 😜 Their is nothing worse then ppl saying oh come on u must have friends etc etc us lonely or isolated by a health or disability etc think pll think we don't exists in 2020 😭
  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    Hi @gillian72
    yes agree with you...
    I’m same as you, finding my way around..
    😊 
    nice to have understanding friends on here 🌻

     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • gillian72gillian72 Member Posts: 302 Pioneering
    Hiya. @serenity2 hope ur feeling a bit better 2day🤗 if I had a mobility scooter an a satnav an maps an having to find me when I'm lost lol I've lived here for. 20odd yrs lol if I could get my fat bum on that scooter even with my pjs on, everyone will end up hiding from me not opening the door getting sick of me lol😜😝
  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    edited July 2020
    Not too bad today.
    i watch football and there is a lot on right now so it’s keeping me occupied...
    ither than that there’s not much going on this end..
    I guess I feel lonely at times but it’s too exhausting to do anything about it some days ,
    @gillian72

    😀
     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 3,476 Disability Gamechanger
    edited July 2020
    I’ve posted before about the silver line, set up by Esther Rantzen some years ago. They operate in conjunction with Age UK and provide 24/7 telephone line for people to chat or arrange for others to phone them on a regular basis for chats. I’m not sure if it’s suitable for everyone but if someone was really lonely it could be the lifeline they’re looking for. 
    https://www.thesilverline.org.uk/
  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    Thank you @leeCal that’s a great service that I have used in the past too..

    im also going to do my best to get out and have a walk when I can..I need to start doing my little trips again..now the coffee shops are opening up 😊 
    could do with walking buddy..going alone is ok, but would help occasionally to have company on a walk or a trip..may check out online for something like that...I’m not great in groups but maybe one on one ...
    you’ve prompted me ..cheers 👍

    Thank you 😊



     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • katho31katho31 Posts: 694 Member
    Hi, just wanted to say thank you for your posts  :) very good insight into the helpful services available and peoples experiences from childhood/growing up or just situations people have and are having to cope with. im so glad ive met you all, even if its on my laptop  :) i and many others are uncomfortable with groups or getting into small talk etc..keep doing your helpful and kind and nice posts  :):)
  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    hi @katho31
    thanks so much for this reply, made me smile 😊 
    always lovely to hear from you..and what a lovely reply....I appreciate that.
    thank you ! 
    Lots of good wishes to you 🌹
     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,653 Disability Gamechanger
    I hope everyone is doing okay today. :)
    Scope

  • serenity2serenity2 Member Posts: 206 Pioneering
    thank you @Chloe_Scope
    today hasn’t been a bad day at all...
    and my football team are playing later so something to look forward to...😊🌻
     :)
    Best Wishes
    serenity2 
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