When is the right time to tell the person you're dating that you are on the autistic spectrum? — Scope | Disability forum
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When is the right time to tell the person you're dating that you are on the autistic spectrum?

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veganjewells
veganjewells Community member Posts: 2 Listener
edited February 2021 in Dating, sex, and relationships
I am new to dating since coming out recently. Although I am very open with my friends and family about my struggles with being on the spectrum, I am definitely more anxious and coucious (spelling?) about it with new people, especially new partners. 
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  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,621 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @veganjewells and a warm welcome to scope, how are you on this bitterly cold day? Whilst i'm not on the spectrum I suspect that I would see how things go at first with a new partner.
    Good luck
    2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡

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  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 1,651 Connected
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    Depends on the person, if you tell him and he drops you like a hot brick, he was never right for you to begin with...


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  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community member Posts: 16,103 Disability Gamechanger
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    I have a genetic disorder that has unfortunately been passed down to my children. When my son asked me, 'when do you say something,' I said, you don't have to say anything, but, when you become serious about someone, then you need to say. My son has also been described by a neuropsychologist as 'next door to Aspergers.' When he met the lovely person who is now his wife, she later commented that she hadn't even realised; she does now, as she has to remind him to do things, & teases how did I ever cope with him?
    As above, see how things go; if the person doesn't appreciate you for who you are, likely not worth knowing. Another might not even consider you different, rather a person who is definitely an interesting individual, & worth getting to know. :)
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  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi there 

    If your new partner does not notice then I would wait till it comes to a situation where they may notice 

    Just so they are not shocked by something you do and think you had hidden it from them 

    Also I would wait till you are sure it is going to turn into more than couple of dates 

    However some people would want to make sure it was out in the open right from the start 

    You wouldn't want to develop feelings for them and then risk getting hurt if they find it an issue later 
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  • samgold
    samgold Community member Posts: 4 Listener
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    not sure that there is a right time for it, just need to be honest and not afraid of the consequences. It's part of you and your partner should be accepting it

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  • E_Price123
    E_Price123 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
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    It's a good question, I have been through a few relationships now and have started to wonder the reason we choose to hide these. It's what makes us interesting and separates us from the rest. For me it always triggers my anxiety not being sure if they know I am different, so why not celebrate our differences. Better to rule out those people who might not be right for us from the start, so we can use the time to find people that would be able to manage a different way of thinking.

    The key is to find the confidence in yourself and know that you are unique. Albert Einstein, Steven Jobs, Mozart and Andy Warhol were just a few names of celebrities with autism I recently found out!
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