Advice please

Hi there 

Normally when requesting medical info they will ask specific questions and under amra (authority to access medical records ) first you need to give permission and also you can ask yo see the questions they will ask and also see copy of gp response prior to it being sent 

Do either of you claim PIP? Have you considered getting some care sorted for your husband while you are working ? 

Can your husband also claim for PIP 

Ok just trying to think of ways so you can finance some care for him 

Try calling welfare rights see if they have any advice or CAB 

You do need advice, don;t you?   Do you get housing benefit ?  You mention your family live in an area where rents are high, but housing benefit varies from one area to another, even within the same borough, and they have online systems where you put a  postcode in,  so you could check.  Will you be able to carry on your existing job if you move?   
Your employer must not be completely unsympathetic and unwilling to adjust to your needs as a disabled person.   Anybody would be under strain with an increasingly sick husband, but your autism is a medical condition making it even harder for you.
You are lucky to have a supportive family.  The sooner you can get near them the better.  There is a Scope adviser and there is Shelter, but I suspect waiting to come top of the council list, in some areas, would take a few lifetimes.  I don't know what social workers do, but have heard of the right to a care needs assessment, which you both have, by the sound of it.   
Maybe a social worker saying to her boss that the council will finish up having to pay for your husband to go into a care home and you breaking down and needing care too, if they don't move you close to your family, and really fast,  would frighten them into pushing you further up the waiting list ?!   Maybe, you could get him, and even you, because of your melt down risk,  assessed as needing council funded carers right now, and all because you aren't near enough to your family?.  As I say, I don't know what they do or what they have to take into account, but you could get  advice about that.
Oh, I just remembered that some council accommodation is reserved for older people, so in some cases, your retired husband (and you as his wife) would be able to bid for property barred to others on the list.

If it doesn;t work, then stay on the list by all means, and keep on trying to get a higher band by all means, but in the meantime, you probably do need to try plan B, and work out a way to rent privately near your family. It is useful that you have your job, and your husband his reliable income as a pensioner, so a private landlord would not necessarily turn you down.
It is easy to understand how discouraged your husband was, being turned down.  But it doesn;t mean he has "nothing wrong" with him, as he claims (!)  especially now he is so much worse.  I don;t know about benefits in pension age, but again, there is advice in Scope and elsewhere.  Not just the usual c.a.b and benefits people, but now, he should also be able to get help from age related organisations too.  There might be  some kind of disability premium he could get for his pension, that would help.   Also, I have heard of couples where both are officially recognised as carers for the other one, and that has some financial benefit involved.

It sounds as if you have been battling on so hard with uphill struggles. Hats off to you, and wishing you all the very best of luck..