Does your family support you? — Scope | Disability forum

Does your family support you?

Tori_Scope
Tori_Scope Posts: 6,686

Scope community team

Today is International Day of Families. For many people, family can be a vital support network, but being part of a family can certainly have its challenges.
  • Has being disabled had an impact on your family relationships?
  • Has having a disabled family member impacted upon your way of life?
  • Is there enough support out there for families living with disability?
  • Do you have a family member you'd like to thank today?
Remember that the word 'family' can mean different things to different people, so feel free to include anyone you feel is part of your family, whether that be a blood relative, partner, friend, or anyone else you care about :) 
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Comments

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Member Posts: 2,205 Pioneering
    I should thank my son as when I can't move or do anything he takes care of tidying up, shopping, giving me food and drinks, getting prescriptions, he's only 22 and impacts his life, even when I can move he has to do stuff like heavy shopping, moving things and doing things I can't. In those bleak days I don't know how id cope. 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,914 Disability Gamechanger
    My son is my support and does everything he can at 14 to help me . He has been my rock and just takes things in his stride 

    When he was 10 he got a Laverick award for bravery when I collapsedinyo a coma at home he assisted paramedics getting my meds and my phone and stuff and unfortunately had to watch me in the ambulance trying to stabilise me 

    My family don't live near but a mention to my brother and sister in law who help where they can and I am grateful for all they do

    The downside is I hardly see my mum now as I can't get there and she can only get to me if my brother brings her.  We do speak on phone every week 



    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,674 Disability Gamechanger
    I have to say that senior management has been supportive beyond words and has been my rock for 40 years and even more so in the 23 years since I became disabled, as has my wonderful daughter.
    However I first became disabled on my son's 14 th birthday and he couldn't hack it at all, he did some awful things to us that I won't bore you with, and even now he's a constant worry and of no support to me or his mum.
    Oddly enough my late mum couldn't accept my disability, if she ever witnessed me having a seizure apparently she would tell me to pull myself together...as if !
    My brother refused to speak to me for fourteen years because I was disabled and has been of no help whatsoever since.
    Ten years ago once the "kids" had left home we moved 40 miles just to get away from our families, and found some peace.
    I am a person with epilepsy not an epileptic, my illness doesn't define me.
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,914 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine very sad to read and really glad you have such a supportive wife 

    I don't blame you for moving away and hope you both found the quiet life you deserve 
    I have professional experience in HR within public,  private, and charity sectors.  If I can help I will 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,674 Disability Gamechanger
    @janer1967 thank you, and yes we have although no matter how far you go you still take whats in your head with you, but as I get older I'm learning to be less bothered by what other people do/say, it's taken me far to long to get there though.
    I am a person with epilepsy not an epileptic, my illness doesn't define me.
  • vikingqueen
    vikingqueen Member Posts: 591 Pioneering
         You can choose your friends @woodbine :/
  • leeCal
    leeCal Member Posts: 4,348 Disability Gamechanger
    edited May 15
    My family support me verbally by long distance phone from time to time. They’re around thirty and full of their own concerns, as I was at their age.  Though it’s true to say that my youngest did come to visit me twice when I was in hospital a while ago. My partner ignores my problems but keeps up the bill paying and cooking etc so does support me in that way. 

    It could be better but things are to be accepted or cause constant pain, I’d rather be accepting, not always easy but for the best.

    I'm a bit of a conspiracy theorist...as if you didn't know.


  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 11,079 Disability Gamechanger
    Have to say my son too has been incredible; when he knew I could no longer stay with his Dad, he said come & live near me, & I will look after you some 5+ years ago.  My now daughter-in-law is amazing too, so they both help me. My eldest daughter lives further away, but she tends to text/Whats app or ring more, & we share about her little sister, whom my son never knew.
    I'm perhaps fortunate in that we share the same genetic disorder, & they still look to me for advice, especially my eldest daughter about her 3 children; we're all different but have much in common.
    So today I will thank my son & daughter-in-law, & eldest daughter for their support & understanding in their different ways.
    @woodbine you're also fortunate with senior management; wish I'd had a spouse like yours, but thankfully my children have instead helped me enormously.
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 11,079 Disability Gamechanger
    So true @Sandy_123 - but would say on occasion new members don't like what we say, but everyone in the community does truly try & help support each other, as you say, in our different ways, So, yes, a big thank you to everyone here.
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,735 Disability Gamechanger
    @sandy you have been very zupirtive 
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Member Posts: 4,735 Disability Gamechanger
    Supportive lol 😆
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Member Posts: 2,205 Pioneering
    Thanks Lisa @chiarieds yes some don't like the advice that given, we can only our best
  • Caz_Alumni
    Caz_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 624 Pioneering
    Very true @Sandy_123 :)
    I also think we can thank each other, for giving support on here when any 0f us are feeling down or low. We all, with our problems bring our own expertise to the forum, to try help each other or others. 
    Accasionally there are fall outs or disputes, but we are all unique and fetch different things here, from our own life experiences and qualifications we have.  
    Thank you for sharing that thought and sentiment.

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  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Listener
    edited June 4
    I have 2 sisters, 3 brothers and 2 parents. :)
    Both my parents are abusive and my 2 younger brothers are abusive. One sister refuses to answer my phone calls. There's a history of domestic abuse.
    So I only speak to my older brother and my sister. They supported and helped me.

    You know what they say. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 6,686

    Scope community team

    I'm sorry to hear that @innocent21, but I'm glad your older brother and other sister are supportive. Do you mind me asking whether the abuse is ongoing, and whether you've reported this? You can email us on [email protected] if you'd prefer.
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  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Listener
    edited June 5
    No it's not ongoing as I don't live with any my family any more. I moved out of my parents house in 2017.

    I was born in the 1990s and when I was a child, domestic abuse wasn't taken seriously, nobody never saw it as a serious issue. It was a different time back then.

    Back in those days, if a child reported to the authorities (eg. police, teachers, child line, doctors, mentors etc) that their parents were committing domestic abuse against them, or that their siblings were committing domestic abuse against them and their parents allowed it to happen and refused to stop it, the authorities logic, of which was representative of that time, is that as long as a child isn't being physically beaten, isn't being raped or sexually harassed or sexually abused, and isn't being neglected so they have food, shelter, education, trips outside and entertainment inside,then any reports of domestic abuse a child reports are to be instantly point blank downplayed, disregarded and excused, with then the interaction and inquiry ended in 30 seconds.

    I could list examples of verbal and psychological abuse that would back then be disregarded, but that would be derailing this thread.

    I think that children's, women's and mental health charities are have started from some time ago (I don't know since when) to raise awareness and trying to influence the public opinion to change people's attitudes, so that the general public will eventually start to view domestic abuse as a serious issue to be dealt with rather than disregarded. Women's Aid campaigned for laws against domestic abuse and was successful as the British government passed the Domestic Abuse Act 2020. Not only does that law protect people from their current (and maybe ex) partners, but contrary to popular belief, the law also protects children from abusive parents.

  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 6,686

    Scope community team

    I'm glad that you're not in that situation any more @innocent21. You're right that attitudes towards domestic abuse have changed over the years, and hopefully we'll continue to see improvements in the way that domestic abuse is thought about and dealt with. 

    Have you ever spoken to anyone about what you experienced? The NSPCC have a good page on non-recent abuse, which has quite a few useful resources and pieces of information. This includes a link to NAPAC, who you might like to get in touch with should you feel you'd like to talk to someone with expertise in this area.
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