Hi I'm new and I'm struggling
I am husband to a wonderful wife and 4 children, my wife has deep rooted mental health problems and I have 1 child with learning and behaviour problems.
Things have always been tough as always suspected the wife of having issues due to her up bringing.
This all came to a head 2 years ago when she first attempted suicide after a breakdown, she now has me as her carer.
Before this she was always distant and I sextexted and flirted online a fair few times being caught each time, I guess I just wanted attention and affection from anywhere when I wasn't getting it at home.
We worked through it or so I thought.
I was diagnosed with depression 3 years ago, then her breakdown happened and it all went the hell from there, I love her dearly and try to support and care for her and children, I was then made redundant due to covid closing the shop I worked at, then all the neighbours in our small street turned on us even assaulting my wife in our home and scaring our children, police have been involved so is social services and housing but we are stuck here as very few houses out there and all the banding are pointless (we are on band A) but they keep changing our need and house size every week making it impossible and when we are first on list we still lose it.
A week ago I reached breaking point and that even my wife had a few to drink and opened up to me how I had treated her over the years and what her social worker and Chmt told her and it appears I am a domestic abuser (mentally) this is totally against the type of man I thought I was also added to her eventual breakdown and has hit me hard and opened my eyes to how I was.
I hold my hands up and am disgusted by how I was and how it made her feel, I had no idea I was causing as much damage as I was and I want and will do whatever I can to be better.
The last few days since this I have found it almost impossible to keep it together, always close to tears or crying my eyes out, I have no idea why as sometimes I'm not really thinking of anything when it happens, I struggle to sleep and if I wake I sit and just dwell on everything.
Today I wanted to <moderator removed description of self harm> just to feel something outside rather than inside.
I am just totally all over the place, no idea of the man I am, trapped in a unsafe home and trying to support and care for my family.
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