Hi I'm new and I'm struggling

Mammoth

Hello.

I am husband to a wonderful wife and 4 children, my wife has deep rooted mental health problems and I have 1 child with learning and behaviour problems.

Things have always been tough as always suspected the wife of having issues due to her up bringing.

This all came to a head 2 years ago when she first attempted suicide after a breakdown, she now has me as her carer.

Before this she was always distant and I sextexted and flirted online a fair few times being caught each time, I guess I just wanted attention and affection from anywhere when I wasn't getting it at home.

We worked through it or so I thought.

I was diagnosed with depression 3 years ago, then her breakdown happened and it all went the hell from there, I love her dearly and try to support and care for her and children, I was then made redundant due to covid closing the shop I worked at, then all the neighbours in our small street turned on us even assaulting my wife in our home and scaring our children, police have been involved so is social services and housing but we are stuck here as very few houses out there and all the banding are pointless (we are on band A) but they keep changing our need and house size every week making it impossible and when we are first on list we still lose it.

A week ago I reached breaking point and that even my wife had a few to drink and opened up to me how I had treated her over the years and what her social worker and Chmt told her and it appears I am a domestic abuser (mentally) this is totally against the type of man I thought I was also added to her eventual breakdown and has hit me hard and opened my eyes to how I was.

I hold my hands up and am disgusted by how I was and how it made her feel, I had no idea I was causing as much damage as I was and I want and will do whatever I can to be better.

The last few days since this I have found it almost impossible to keep it together, always close to tears or crying my eyes out, I have no idea why as sometimes I'm not really thinking of anything when it happens, I struggle to sleep and if I wake I sit and just dwell on everything.

Today I wanted to <moderator removed description of self harm> just to feel something outside rather than inside.

I am just totally all over the place, no idea of the man I am, trapped in a unsafe home and trying to support and care for my family.

coylygirl

Hi @Mammoth, so sorry to hear you are going through all of this and you sound so in need of support.  I wanted to reply to you to let you know that there are people out there who care, but to be honest I feel out of my depth as you seem to be in such a bad place, mentally and physically,  Would it be possible for you to contact the Samaritans on 116123 or CALM, the Campaign Against Living Miserably?  I have checked out the CALM website and there appears to be a helpline but now sure when it is manned.  Samaritans are there 24/7 and will listen to you without judgement.  I have found them to be so helpful and supportive to me in the past when I have been at the end of my tether.  Good wishes and good luck to you and please let me know how you get on 

janer1967

Hi and welcome to the community 

You really need to get some support and I would encourage you to use some of the resources mentioned above 

If you think you are going to harm yourself or others then contact 999

Please let us know you are ok 

Sandy_123

Hi @Mammoth sorry to read that you are having a difficult time, all the links above that are posted are there for you to use and the advise given. 
You heed some support and help I have another link below please do get support.
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/

Lisatho11987777

Please get help as soon as possible samaritins  is on hand straight away  they can help you 

Cher_Alumni

Hello @Mammoth and welcome to our online community.  I'm so glad you found us at this difficult time and I hope we can offer some comfort.

It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot over the last few years and it's reassuring to know that you have the support of relevant services, for instance your wife is being supported by the local CMHT and social worker.  Plus, you have the backing of the police and social services with the issues in your neighbourhood. 

Your feelings after the recent discussion with your wife are absolutely understandable but I am concerned about your welfare in terms of the thoughts around self-harm you describe.  Uppermost, we want you to be safe so please contact your GP and relay what you have said to us back to them. so they are aware of what's happening and can offer treatment options.  In the interim, if you think you might act on your thoughts, please call 999 and ask for emergency services.  People do care I promise and medical professionals are there to keep you protected 

Our members have mentioned some mental health organisations that you can speak to in confidence about how you're feeling.  Here's a list should you need it; you can,

• Call The Samaritans on 116123 or email jo@samaritans.org.
• Text 'SHOUT' to 85258 to speak with a trained crisis volunteer from SHOUT
• Find a local urgent NHS mental health helpline
• Call the Respect helpline to get support with domestic abuse

The suggestion of contacting Shelter to get advice about being rehomed is an excellent one, and you can contact Shelter via various methods outlined on this contact webpage.  

I'm going to email you now just to run through some more support we can offer, so please keep an eye on your inbox.  Also, I've edited out some of your description of self harm to ensure anyone reading isn't distressed.  

Please keep talking to us as we'd love to support you through this challenging time.  You've been very brave in opening up to us, and reflecting on your relationship, and I hope things are brighter for you and your family soon.

Mammoth

Hello.
My wife had her social worker and Chmt sign her off as she doesn't believe she needs them or has anything wrong.
It's like now this has happened to me she has closed up and to a degree is like "well you obviously need the help, there's nothing clearly wrong with me, why else would they have signed me off so quickly if they had concerns"

Anyway, I have talked to doctor and also referred to Outlook southwest as a starting point.
Thank you all for just being there. 

coylygirl

@Mammoth No worries, hope you get the support you need and take it easy