Hi, my name is Nikkimac!

Nikkimac · July 2021

I know I'm being cheeky here but wondered if I could approach the community for some advice. I've got multiple disabilities including constant pain and suffered discrimination at work over the last 4 years (with a tribunal case pending), the death of my brother-in-law last April and death of my Aunty in November 2020. In July 2020, after 16 years in my home, we had a family move in, renting next door and they have been an almost constant nuisance with noise and abuse when we have politely asked them to please keep the noise down. I used to be a happy person but have suffered from depression, feelings of worthlessness and suicide. I tried CBT but it is for people who don't have disabilities and I think I got a 'computer says no' response when I said a lot of the problems I have are, rather circuitessly, due to pain, fatigue and stress symptoms, not just depression. I feel CBT is designed to fix people but only one small part of them, ignoring the rather messy whole. I would love to try cannabis but have no idea where to get hold of it and I've never smoked. Has anyone tried meditation and does it help with pain and depression? <Moderator removed - content potentially harmful to others> The only thing stopping me is fear of pain and I think death would be an end to struggling. Love and hugs, all.

Cher_Alumni · July 2021

Hello @nikkimack and welcome to our community. You aren't being cheeky at all and I'm glad you found us. I hope we can offer some comfort during these difficult times.

It sounds like you are going through a lot, and have been for some time, so the low mood you have is understandable. Did you ever access bereavement counselling to help cope with the loss of your brother-in-law and aunt? I realise CBT wasn't effective for you, but speaking to someone 'neutral' and releasing that unresolved pain might alleviate some of the discomfort you're experiencing. Cruse are a charity you can speak with some more about this, or it could be an option to discuss with your GP.

In connection to contacting your GP, are they aware of your depression, pain and the suicidal thoughts you've been experiencing? If not, I'd recommend contacting them asap just to make them aware and so you aren't going through this 'alone'. I know it's not easy often to speak up, but your doctor is there to help you navigate times exactly like this, and they will know of alternate treatment pathways to help manage both the physical and emotional difficulties you're going through. For instance, they could review your medication and look at beneficial services such as a pain clinic.

There are also lots of organisations who you can contact anytime of the day to speak about the troubling thoughts you're having. They are:

Call The Samaritans on 116123 or email jo@samaritans.org.
Text 'SHOUT' to 85258 to speak with a trained crisis volunteer from SHOUT
Find a local urgent NHS mental health helpline

Plus Rethink have a helpful webpage about how to cope with suicidal feelings.

Utmost I want you to keep safe and healthy so should you ever feel that you might harm yourself, make sure to call 999 and ask for an ambulance immediately. I realise you are living with a lot of pain, but please know that you are loved and hard times can pass - albeit when we're in the 'thick of it' this may seem distant

You mention cannabis use, and I get why this may be crossing your mind. To make you aware, our members can discuss their experiences of taking cannabis for medical purposes but would not be able to encourage, promote or advise you on where to procure any. My advice would be to contact your GP so they can give you more informed support and to mitigate any risk.

Lastly, I'm sorry to hear about the noise disturbance you've been living with. Is this something you've reported to your local authority?

I'm going to send you an email now to offer further support directly, and just to let you know, I've edited out a comment from your post as discussion around ending someone's life is not permitted on the community. (Please see house rules for more info).

Take care and speak again soon.

chiarieds · July 2021

Hi @Nikkimac - & welcome to the community. I'm pleased you've joined, as amongst other things, this forum is here to advise where we can. As regards your neighbours, we have a neighbour who plays loud music late at night, & sometimes leaves it on all night, & who has also been abusive. She's spoiling what is a great community. We have been advised to involve the police, so that's perhaps another option.

You mention meditation, & one of our members provided a 'How to meditate' link, which you can find as the last link under 'Exercise' on this page: https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/75929/coping-with-stress-low-mood-and-isolation-a-support-thread/p1

You also mention being in constant pain, & I wonder if you have considered taking cannabidiol (CBD)? Studies in the USA have shown this can be just as effective as cannabis where pain & anxiety are considered. Of course the good thing with this is that it's completely legal, as it only contains traces of THC (the component in cannabis that gives a 'high'). If you are interested let me know, & I can say where you can buy lab certified (as to quality & content), very reasonably priced CBD drops (you put them under your tongue), from an ethical company. I have been using them for nearly 3 years to help with daily chronic pain. Again, you should speak to your GP, or ideally a pharmacist about CBD if taking any medication.

I hope some of this will be helpful as well as Cher's advice above.

Cher_Alumni · July 2021

Hi @nikkimack

I just wanted to drop by and check how you were doing today? If you have time to read the email I sent yesterday and get back to me, please do but there's no pressure either way.

I hope you are doing ok. Take care

rubin16 · July 2021

Hi Welcome to the community,

I thought the same as you 2/3 years ago and was in alot of pain, so my friend gave me some cannabis which helped at the time, So I started smoking it, at first just at night, then it became after 5pm, then abit earlier before I knew it I was smoking it as soon as I get up in the morning all the way up to when I go sleep. It seems you want and need more of it to get an effect, and its hard to give it up once you start. Not to mention the financial side of things you might as well just burn money, its such an expensive habbit and becomes your only happiness. Not to mention the added anxiety, and mood swings it gives you.

So if I could go back those 2/3 years ago I would and wish I never started smoking cannabis. It far more produces its own problems than solving just pain. So please don't try it, I know its tempting and you'll probably enjoy it the first time, but it gets ahold of you. So please try other alternatives before going down this route like CBD Oil like chiarieds mentioned.

I hope this message helps you and convinces you not to take cannabis, and I hope you find something that works for your pain.

All the best.

Nikkimac · July 2021

I'm a bit overwhelmed at the kindness in the responses to me. Cher - your advice was so fantastic and so practical. Thank you so much for offering all the help you have. Chiarieds - I am so, so grateful for your advice. I'd looked into CBD in the past but had been a bit confused about what to get and then forgotten all about it. I will speak to my GP first (because I am on so much medication) but a direct recommendation would really help loads and I really appreciate the advice. And, Ruby: your personal experience is really, really so useful and I think, so brave of you to talk about how you were impacted. I cannot thank you all enough: your advice and support has really made such a massive difference to me. I started this morning just dripping with tears and feeling pointless but now, although I still feel exhausted, I do feel more quiet, centred and more positive about digging myself out of this fug. Thank you all so much. With love - Nikki

chiarieds · July 2021

Hi @Nikkimac - thank you for your kind words. I researched a lot before taking CBD, so I hope I can help. There's a group of enzymes known as cytochrome P450 in the liver that break down over 90% of prescribed meds, & also CBD, so a 4 hour gap is needed between taking many meds & CBD, as they inhibit each other otherwise. Your GP may be surprised, but just ask him (or your pharmacist - I asked mine & she was really good) if any of your meds are metabolised (broken down) by cytochrome P450. This can also happen with any over the counter meds too, depending on what they contain, so also mention those. CBD is ideally taken 3 times a day as it only lasts in the body for 4-6 hours, so make your GP aware of that too as they might be able to advise if you could take some meds at a different time (if needed) so you could try CBD. If you decide to go ahead after seeking your GP's advice, then let me know, Nikki.

Nikkimac · July 2021

Chiarieds - you are awesome. I usually like doing research but you put me to shame. Wow. This is such fantastic advice and has got me really fired up to take back some control over what's happening to me. I'll try to get hold of my doctor tomorrow morning and see what they think. You, Cher and Ruby really put me back on my feet this morning. I can't believe the difference you made to me in such a short time. Thank you all so much. Respect. Nikki

Cher_Alumni · July 2021

Hi @Nikkimac

Just wanted to pop on before I leave for the day to say, go you

I've sent you another email and want you to know we're here whenever you might need us. Take care and have a lovely night!

Hi, my name is Nikkimac!

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