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More help needed from school for my son

donna1001
donna1001 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
edited November 2021 in Education
My son has many struggles so far he has been said to have learning difficulties he has a very low cognitive level Tourette’s and many more things he is 10 don’t understand basic instructions I’ve is due to go high school and can hardly spell I asked school how he was doing they said fine but I could see he was not making progress I decided to apply for a statement the senco told me I wouldn’t get one I said we should let them decide I received no advice nothing when the process of statement I got ended it decided to give my son a statement and it’s also fully funded it was discovered he is 2-3 years behind the stament was issued may 2020 and still the school have not explained what the statement means they have been offish and not helpful I’ve tryed asking to be told they will arrange to chat with myself my son has refused to attend school due to his dislike of noises he struggles with whole school setting they offered no help but kept giving letters saying there’s advice help like they were trying to provoke me in reports from school to do with the statement the senco has said things that’s not true I still have had no advice or help and I don’t no what I should be asking as I have troubles with understanding I feel awkward like they are judging me I feel his stament is mentioning nothing concerning his medical issues the la believes his special needs is behavioural emotional social difficulties when there is more that’s going on any behaviour is due to frustration of not understanding what is happening and yes he is a bit on the emotional side due to lack understanding because my son shuts down and camflauge at school I feel I’m being doubting also excuses about why he is behind like first it was because dad stopped contact then his attendance that do t explain why he can’t wipe his own bottom or why he can’t asborb process information he was put in nurture class and the children throw tables around my son just puts fingers in his ears sat crying but school did not tell me basically my son remembered three weeks later and told me he can’t remember anything the senco has made this behavioural thing stick I think it’s very wrong like I say there been no help when he is struggling at school I’ve seen no adjustments made it’s not uncommon for children to mask when there not comfortable I feel school should have helped him a long time ago because they knew how was struggling they did nothing and still nothing I’m seeing no progress he is struggling in all areas of learning needs constantly to be repeated to and still forgets he has no awareness to his surroundings or danger and so vulnerable he don’t no what he is saying there is reports saying that someone meets me at the gate to take him this is untrue then it says that he has help and he don’t even no the person that they are claiming are helping I don’t no either never met or spoke there is a meeting on Tuesday and the person concerning his Stantment will be there I don’t no what I should be asking also I don’t no if to mention all the information that is not true they have not gave or advice or helpful feels so mentally tired all I wants is my child to get the help he needs and to be kept safe and not wander off he has no road sense he is not going to cope in a main stream high school I have no family or friends it’s just me and my three children I don’t go outside the door my son depends on my help to do anything all professional seems to have been brain washed by the senco it’s very wrong only help is behavioural classes which I’m not accepting as there is a reason for this he is now just seen a new doctor after I complained about the previous one due to no communication at first the new doctor didn’t seem to want to listen but I’ve recently again. Asked again for my concerns to be listened to I’m not nuts because I suffer with depression anxiety and have had comments questioning my mental state before now I’m at my wits c end and I’m starting to give up the new doctor has agreed to do a brain scan I believe this will explain why he is struggling so much I’m disgusted at the school the way they are beening I’ve shown videos to prove that what I’m saying is the truth and can’t force my son to be himself if he is not comfortable please any advice of what I should be asking at this annual meeting because nobody has explained anything many thanks guys 
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Comments

  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
    hello @donna1001

    Welcome to the community, thank you for joining us and speaking so honestly about how you feel, and what you are going through with your child.

    I can see how this situation would be so upsetting for you as a parent, you just want your son to receive the support he needs to get a fair education and it doesn't appear as though he is getting that support at the minute.

    I would advise contacting a specialist organisation such as the Independent Provider of Special Educational Advice (IPSEA) to see if they can support you at all. It must be hard as a single parent when something like this happens, I imagine you must feel quite lonely so hopefully you will be able to access some support for this. 

    Is your son receiving all the support he needs outside of school to manage his conditions? You mentioned a brain scan, and hopefully that is able to provide some answers, but does he receive any other kind of support through his GP or specialist to manage his conditions?

    How are you coping? You mentioned in your post that you have depression and anxiety, do you receive any support from your GP to manage those things? You must be under quite a bit of pressure at the minute, so it's important to ensure that you look after yourself as much as possible and speak up to those in your life if you feel as though you need help. It sounds to me as though you're doing fantastically though.
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  • donna1001
    donna1001 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
    Only support seems to do with behaviour which I keep saying any behaviour is due to his lack of understanding he has a stament that is for emotional and social difficulties it mentions nothing about his medical issues which I think should have been added I’ve never been explained to about his stament but I no it’s fully funded obviously school don’t see what I do as he is different and shuts down but they are aware as I’ve shown videos he is not copeing and was refusing to go Again today he is in a class for behavioural problems and he is not copeing with the noise of screa Shouting I asked for him to placed in the srb class as I believe he would settle better but school said no but he could go back over the main part which is also not suitable he is struggling with the whole school setting I feel school could help more but have not and his learning in year three was below average which I think they should have got more support put in place when he has mentioned about the sounds that are affecting him he’s been told to get over it which I think is appalling I just don’t no what will happen I’m trying my best but feel like I’m fighting every one and how difficult it is not getting any advice or support I don’t no why in reports it says things that’s not true the senco has said that I get met at the gate and someone takes my child off me when he’s refusing this is a complete lie also the senco has said the reason he is three yrs behind first it was dad who stopped contact two yrs ago then it was his attendance because it dipped from March to July when I’ve got in touch telling school my son is xx refusing to attend because of his sensitivity to sound I’ve had a reply saying he is milking it which I think it’s wrong as he can’t help his struggles I’m just going round in circles my own health is not good also have copd and I’m out breath and due to all this stress concerning my son and  fighting for help I’ve lost a lot of weight I feel mentally drained I take medication for depression and have to just get on it is lonely sometimes but the children take a lot of time especially my son as he needs help with basically everything he can’t remember what he has just been told so it’s constantly repeating thanks Ross it’s nice to no there is people that believe my story concerning my child because all other professionals seem to be failing him also my youngest who has the same dad is displaying adhd but I’m so put off by going asking for help as twice I have asked but they don’t want to refer her due to schools input x
  • donna1001
    donna1001 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
    So it’s like he has these issues but I’m just left to get on and cope no support I’ve spoke to many people and only offer support for behavioural what about support for someone to come and take him out for a few hours one to one so I can have time with the other two or have a bath or read a book cx
  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @donna1001

    How have you been this past week? Have you been able to make any progress with accessing help or support such as through IPSEA?

    donna1001 said:
    So it’s like he has these issues but I’m just left to get on and cope no support I’ve spoke to many people and only offer support for behavioural what about support for someone to come and take him out for a few hours one to one so I can have time with the other two or have a bath or read a book cx
    It sounds as though you're referring to respite care, have you looked into that as an option? See further information here.
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  • donna1001
    donna1001 Community member Posts: 4 Listener
    Hi Ross I still haven’t got much further basically they wanted to my son in a main stream school and in to a class of 30 there is no longer a small class for children with learning difficulties my son is no better and I feel so let down by these services that claim online just ask for help I disagreed about the high school because he also has been told by his padeotrition Tourette’s learning difficulties still my son is no better with communication and using the correct meaning he becomes confused he can’t say what he’s intending to I’ve many concerns and still awaiting for a referral concerning hearing and also mri due to headaches off balance falls for no reason at school he is still in nurture base I feel uncomfortable so I drop off pick up this is when I can get him there due to not understanding what is going on around him and he also is so uncomfortable to be himself he thinks in a young young mind he fears he will get judged or told off this is why he prefers it on himself so still school because he camflaugeds they have not gave advice because I want my son to be in a small group calm setting with children who have similar struggles so he don’t feel out place or fear of showing th  were true him  to be comfortable and not feel judged they have mentioned one mainstream and that’s all my old snap worker left and I was gave a young girl who at first I thought was helping I’ve read on snaps site how they help well  she has not I’ve mentioned since 2019 when I first went to the doctors my concerns and to be honest the first doctor has not logged hardly anything portrayed me like I let him do what he wants also the senco has said in reports that my son gos to school down upset like there is something at home not right yes his dad is not in touch like he use to but that’s not anything to do what is the truth between school and that first doctor it’s just made behaviour emotional social difficulties still when I requested a new dr year ago not any further apart could then has Tourette’s it’s like I’m just left screaming inside yes we are awaiting mri and because I asked again again a bout his hearing she only December referred so basically I waiting and just getting through the days no support as I won’t do behaviour classes it’s nobody gives a toss excuse language I’ve got depression etc and c o p d I’m not getting no communication from his padetrtion and emailed many times asking for a update of when his hearing and mri will be and I’ve also emailed my co verbs as I no there is more going on with my child and still I’m not been taken seriously I’m only asking for help and I understand that he camflauges school even when he see dad Nan he still not comfortable he thinks dad will shout so my child has had to learn to hide the real him it’s sad because me and my two daughters see how it affects him my son has and still toe walks also flaps arms when excited he has huge meltdown unexpectedly over hardly anything and it’s not tantrums it’s because he don’t understand like another child he struggles to see what is what he lives in a total different zone and thinks much much age can be emotional after a meltdown and has hurt others  hardly shows emotion is fasninted with sound sirens he won’t put no clothes on and as soon as he gets home he strips and walks around underwear he is 10 I’m searching for someone to help me as I believe he needs autism test I’m disgusted at how I’m still since 2019 trying to get to the causes so I can help understand what and how to help him I’m feeling nhs and school have let my child down and because he is just another child on the system he will probably be failed when all he needs is the right help his school refusal is no better to the point when there absence there pestering me I’ve explained I’m no good talking on phones due to my nerves all they have done is ask for medical information see we not texts I would love someone to say what I can’t my case worker from snap is not much help. She seems to go with schools opinion his doctor the school the way things have been put in reports that false still int been corrected there is full funding and I’ve told senco teacher I’m concerned about don’s communication still his funding from the he statement hasn’t been used to get some speech language communication teacher I don’t no what to do next sorry for not replying sooner it’s took two days to write this x
    Knock 
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,979 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @donna1001

    Thanks for responding to us. It is great to hear from you. Sorry to hear that things still haven't got much further. It sounds like you have got quite a lot going on for you at the moment, bless you. I will try to respond to each main point in turn.

    Generally, you should be being heard. Does your son have an EHCP? If so, you can challenge the decision about mainstream education with your local authority. I am also wondering if you would like to tell us more about why you don't want your son attending mainstream education and if you have been able to talk to anyone else about the reasons why? We might then be able to offer some more targeted support for you through this.

    Waiting can be difficult and we appreciate the uncertainty that waiting can bring. Have you been able to ask them about expected waiting times? This might give you some indication of when the appointment might be. Though, I appreciate that it may be more difficult to get this information from them in practice. If this is the case, have you got anyone who might be able to contact them on your behalf? or how do you usually cope with uncertainty? - could you use some of these same or similar strategies for managing the uncertainty in this context?

    In terms of your own health and wellbeing, have you been able to talk to anyone else about this? I just want to make sure you are able to access the support you need and deserve. If you would like to tell us more about how you are currently feeling and any support you are looking for, if any, we would be more than happy to support you and signpost you to more targeted support for this. I recognise that looking after your son is your priority and your concerns are valid but you deserve support for your own needs too.

    Some potential resources you might hopefully find useful for progressing with your son's circumstances include: 
    Additionally, if you feel you would like support, sources you might find useful include: 

    Ultimately, I want you to know that there is a range of support available and we hear you and are here for you! I will look forward to hopefully hearing from you again soon  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.

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