Finding love — Scope | Disability forum
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Finding love

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h11
h11 Community member Posts: 34 Courageous
in Dating, sex, and relationships


I would like to fall in love one day but my mum said it will be hard becuase of my disabilities and that they would need to be a carer to me too.
How would I even start looking for someone who would love me? 
I cant go out independently and also my disability means communicate is hard? 
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  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
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    Thanks for posting @h11, I don't think disability is a barrier to anybody falling in love and meeting somebody they can spend their life with. As disabled people, there are extra challenges to face in life of course, but when you find the right person those challenges won't matter to them and they will happily support you to overcome them, your disability won't impact their feelings towards you.

    It can be hard to know how to find somebody, because every one of us are different in terms of what we enjoy doing. I would suggest considering what your hobbies are and looking to meet others who share that hobby. Additionally, you could always access the many dating sites that are out there, one we tend to recommend as an option is the Outsiders Dating and Social Club.
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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
    edited July 2022
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    :'(:(  :'(:(:(  
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  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,978 Disability Gamechanger
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    Are you ok @chloeblue04? We are here for you if not  <3
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
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    I'm not ok to be honest with you. 
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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
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    Good morning h11 and L_Volunteer
    It's difficult to explain my dears but finding love to me is a complicated and conflicting manner. I did not like the idea of being forced in dating and marrying someone for wealth, power, glory, success or for an advantage. If I do meet someone else, I wanted to be for love, mutual respect and kindness. 

    I have been in love but it didn't work out. That's all I wish to say.

    I wish I could believe in fate of two people from two different worlds, two social backgrounds brought together to form a bond despite all odds, the obstacles and personal values they have to find true happiness but it was only in fairy tales and love stories was it not? 

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  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,978 Disability Gamechanger
    edited July 2022
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    It's cringe but I want to repeat the common phrase "it is okay not to be okay" @chloeblue04. I can completely hear how finding love is a complicated and conflicting manner for you.

    It can be tough when you have been in love but it didn't work out. I always believe you will find the right person when the time is right though!

    Would anything, in particular, make this feel a little more manageable for you at the moment?  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.
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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
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    I guess so.
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  • bg844
    bg844 Community member Posts: 3,887 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @chloeblue04

    Remember, things slowly get better over time. We are a friendly community and are always here to support. :)
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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
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    Thank you.
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  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,978 Disability Gamechanger
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    You are welcome @chloeblue04. Just the truth! Please don't hesitate to let us know if we can do anything to support you. We are all here for you  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.
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  • Alex_Alumni
    Alex_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,562 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @chloeblue04 how are you feeling about things today? :)
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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
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    Hello Alex_Scope things have been difficult. Ever since Valentine's day, I got over romance and dating believing that I can never love another man. I even got over my best friend who had a crush on me.

    Four years ago, I secretly had a crush on someone from work: I couldn't stop thinking and dreaming about him I want to get him out of my head!

    The question on my mind is "Is he a friend or love interest?" "Ally or lover?" my secret answer to that is "I might love him...… but he respects me as a friend and I want to respect him as a friend". 

    Love is a complicated, conflicting emotion- a fleeting feeling of frivolities. One might say that falling in love takes time and patience instead of rushing into things and jumping into conclusions one must take things slow and steady. 

     I got over my 6 secret crushes in my past, I listen to songs such as "Shout out to my ex" by Little Mix, "I'll never fall in love again" by Dionne Warwick, "What's love got to do with it?" by Tina Turner on YouTube music. 

    I wasn't ready to admit my feelings to my platonic pal/ secret crush I am scared because if my mum finds out, she'll be angry with me. 

    What must I do? 

    Help me 

    From Chloe

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  • Steve_in_The_City
    Steve_in_The_City Scope Member Posts: 562 Pioneering
    edited April 2023
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    @chloeblue04 There are many ways to be in love and love is already surrounding you in strange and mysterious ways. Never doubt it. Here is a little song for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rd8VktT8xY&amp;list=RDtprURvLFSjE&amp;index=2
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  • Steve_in_The_City
    Steve_in_The_City Scope Member Posts: 562 Pioneering
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    @chloeblue04 So dream your dreams, because dreams really do come true. Somewhere around the corner the perfect fellah is waiting for you. You may have to cross a lot of corners, but believe me you will get there in the end!
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  • Alex_Alumni
    Alex_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,562 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hello @chloeblue04 I'm sorry to hear things have been difficult since valentine's day for you. 

    Are you still in touch with your work friend now? :) 
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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
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    Hello Alex_Scope Am I still in touch with my work friend? Yes I am. I'm not supposed to mention his name in front of my mother because if she finds out she'll get angry and she'll think that I'm becoming obsessed with him and by that rule it means I have to protect him from my mother, pretend it did not happen and be quiet about it no matter what. 

    Anyway last Thursday I bought him Reese's Easter egg and mini Reese's Easter egg before I went to work. Frightened and guilty, I didn't say a word and when one of my assistant manager asked me I didn't reply out of cowardice. 

    I cheered myself up by interacting with my younger colleagues to open myself up until I was occupied with my tasks. 

    That's what happened. 

    Thank you for understanding

    From Chloe
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  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,912 Disability Gamechanger
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    Sorry to hear you had to work over Easter, did you manage any of the holiday days off? Did you get nice weather where you are? 
    Hannah - She / Her

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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
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    Yes
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  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,978 Disability Gamechanger
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    @chloeblue04 - Glad to hear this. How are you feeling about everything at the moment?  :)

    @hotstuff - Hey! How are you at the moment?  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.
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  • chloeblue04
    chloeblue04 Community member Posts: 234 Pioneering
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    Hi last Saturday I gave my platonic pal/ secret crush advice on revising GCSE Mathematics to assist him. I want him to succeed like he did with GCSE English last year and hopefully he will receive good grades. 
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