Deaths of Friends — Scope | Disability forum

Deaths of Friends

LilyW Member Posts: 18
WHenn I was inii hoslpital when ii wajs younger (twice - whenn i wwwwwwwwas thrjekb I hasd throat cancer and whemnI was sixx i=I hasbd a brain tumour) I made a lot of friends whoo were also very ill (somee terminally and some nont) so I have had six veery goood friends die iiiin my lifetime (Iam 15))0 and some peoolpe thatt I didn't know so well. On MMMMONday my frienend Sarah who has bben battling with cancer for most oof heebr life died inn hosppitla. We have bene friends since we w er six and I feel thst as i get oldder, I find it harder and harder ttoo cope when thye do go, maybe becaus se i understahnd it more. My life eseems to be literse
d with funerals and II relalay realy hate it. Is there annjyyone whow has ben through similar experiences that I can talk to or who cann offfer me any tips for getting through it (but not "it'll get better" becauuse my whole life e doesn' treally)????


  • kingboy25
    kingboy25 Member Posts: 57 Listener
    Hi Lily
    I can't help you because I haven't had your experience. My son attended a special needs school and has experienced the deaths of people he went to school with. The latest only a couple of months ago. He couldn't go to his friend's funeral
    I do know that the palaver you see on telly where people say what a wonderful person the deceased was and strangers leaving bunches of flowers doesn't happen in this world.
    Maybe the teachers in special needs schools are so experienced in dealing with children with life limiting conditions that they are better able to support the other pupils. I think you are in mainstream where these things rarely happen so the support isn't there for you. Have you had or do you get councelling?
    Hopefully someone with a similar experience will answer you soon.
  • LilyW
    LilyW Member Posts: 18
    II'm imn mainstreamm 1 and 1/2dayys a week soo that Ii canc be with myy brotherabnd sister but only two of the verry good friends sth at ahve dirned were at mysspwecial school becaausue ythere are lees people with life limiting conditions than life long ccocondiitions. TThere is coounselling ata my special schcholl anndnd i got to the counsellor sometimmed but they need anothr one reallay because she doesn't always have time to sse everyone regularly. The teachers iin my specia; needs school arre experienced anndd that is why theuy are etaching there but not so much with deaths because as I said, theeeer e atrrfve mmmmmmmmmmostly puikls with conditions that are not life limiting theree. the peol[pe with those conditions are e emostly in a didfferent scjhholm not far away and that is where my friend sarah went. I do gett fruustrated when i ama t my mainstream school because i am so extremely different - I can't walk talk, eat, hear or think in the same wway as everyone else but I go because it is my choice, not because anynone is making me.sometimes i compalainm a little and people say why do you go and ii say that i chosee to and they get confused becuase it seems too hem as isf i din't loiike it but in facct I love it; it is just quite difficult sometimes. The laast time that I went to the svhcool counsellor was in Jannuary becuase she ids busy; my best counsellor is actualay my sister. I talk to her butbt she hasn't quite been in the same poositon as me so I just wondered if there was annyone who had.
  • LilyW
    LilyW Member Posts: 18
    Axtualy i amm onk,y in mainstremzmschjookkl 1 and1/2 sdytas a weeek. and i do 2 days ijn a specia;ls schooooooolk. i chcoose for it to bb ethiss way becuase i wannnnted tooooo cgo to thre same schoool as m ybroither aand sister somde of the ttimmmse. i relally srtuggle in mainstremsa school bnecaause aalthough i hav e a TA that doesn't stiop thne factt h ehat i am so amazinhgly different imn that i can't walk ion my own, talk so that many people nderstand me, heaaaaaar very welll even wiht my hearing aids, eatb withottu mmmmty gzstriostommy tube, ujnderfstaand as easily as theothers o r do normal things like writing and i can barely tyope. even at my special nened s school, thhebre most lhy peple pwkho have disabiolitie s othner than thos eprpobekms thsat are life limiting because t ere is zas scjhool next toto the hospital thhat isfrnhtos who have these conidtions but there is a counsellor there hbu t shen is extremmeely biusyn all oof tyeh time s because she realalty is in high demand at my shcol unfrktumnately. The last time thhahat in wen r tot her was in january. The thing is, there hacve been at leadt ten times in my lifge when it is thoiugh htat kii could die bbut i haven't an dmy friends have.-- =];i have a big pronblem with that.i tjust seem s so jnfairi.