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advice please - messy family situation after mum's death
Comments
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I am sorry your suffering so much from many different directions.
And I am truly sorry I have no knowledge to advice you. But sure someone here will help you.
I just read what honestly isn’t a pity party but someone in need of advice and help.
I just nudged in to give you a warm welcome from me. And hope you stick around.
Sending hugs 🤗
ada x -
Just to pick up one point I'm not sure why your stepdad can't go into a care home, he doesn't need savings to do so, my late mother in law didn't have two pennies to rub together but when her dementia got to the point where she wasn't safe at home she ended up in a really nice home which she paid for with her state pension but was allowed to keep £23 per week.2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡
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Without the means to pay Social Services decide when/if he goes into a care home - aka when they will pay for this.
Your mum was obviously deemed unsafe at home, whereas the gentleman in question has been deemed safe at home.
I could recount the experience of a friend, but I have no wish to depress OP further.
I'd suggest searching for affordable legal help:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/finding-free-or-affordable-legal-help/
Also apply for Council Tax Reduction:
https://www.gov.uk/apply-council-tax-reduction
I'd be looking for board payment from your step father (or his LPA) for rent, utilities and food. He/they can't expect to live for free and you pay for everything.
I would also suggest everytime there is a telephone call, or a carer/nurse approaches you, state all matters relating to your step dad are to be dealt with his LPA, give contact details and then hang up/walk away/close the door.
Adopt the broken record technique - no discussion, no debate, just make that statement.
I know it must be very very difficult, but try and put yourself first. -
Hello @Jenwren
Welcome to the community, I see our members have already help advise
Firstly, I am so sorry about the loss of your mum. My condolences. If you feel you ever need to speak to someone, I encourage you to read the NHS Bereavement and Grief webpage. There are many services you can reach out to.
It does sound like a complex situation, but Citizen's Advice can help direct you with legal advice. It may be worth going back to ask them.
Thinking outside the box, I wondered if you had thought about reaching out to your MP? or attending one of their surgery days? They may be able to find advisors more locally to help support from the legal side to your stepfather's care.Hannah - She / Her
Online Community Coordinator @ Scope
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Jenwren said:HiMy step-siblings have now told me that I have to pay the utilities in future, and that the council have told them because the house is now 'in my name' I have to pay the council tax (they were trying to get a discount for their dad) I know on the surface this seems very reasonable, but I can't afford them. A lot of people's answer is I'm being lazy on ESA, I should get off it and get a job. I wish it was that simple. I'm just a mess of anxiety, pain, depression and I'm still not over my mum. I also lost my sister eight years ago (car crash) and my mum was suicidal for years so I had to look after her before the Alzheimers kicked in.To make matters more complicated my mum's will is in probate, and is currently frozen by my eldest, estranged brother having put a cavaet on it, and the executor (mum's lawyer) is refusing for whatever reason to challenge/get rid of the cavaet and says there is nothing she can do about probate now (we have IHT to pay and I'm scared we'll get so many late fees/interest - the house is our sole assest) and keeps contradicting the advice she gives us - worse she's a senior partner in the firm and due to retire so I feel there's no one I can complain to about her. The house is also to be left to me in a discretionary trust, so I'm not sure if it'll even technically *belong* to me.His daughter comes round to visit weekly, but if there's any problems e.g. with cathetars etc (there's been a lot) I have to sort out.
In light of your step-siblings asserting that you are solely responsible for the council tax while the house is still awaiting probate, inform them it's uncommon for a property, originally in the deceased's sole name, to be under anyone's name at this stage. The obligation for council tax after a person's death depends on the specific circumstances. If someone continues to reside at the property, the responsibility typically rests with the remaining occupants.
Regarding your probate question and brothers caveat. After someone's death, assets are essentially 'frozen' until a Grant of Probate is obtained, allowing the estate to be released to the appointed executor. A caveat on a will cannot freeze probate but causes delays, as it is a legal notice contesting the will's validity. The Probate Registry won't issue the grant until the caveat is resolved, leading to a delay.
The executor, who served as your late mother's solicitor, has a responsibility to keep beneficiaries informed about estate progress, including updates on the caveat challenge and any legal actions taken. While not legally required to answer every question, the executor is generally expected to provide information and communicate openly with beneficiaries, ensuring transparency and addressing concerns during the probate process.
If the house is left to you in a discretionary trust, it means that while you may benefit from living in the house or income generated by the property, you do not have outright ownership of it. The legal ownership of the house is vested in the trust, not directly in your name. The trustee has the authority to manage and control the property, including decisions about its use, maintenance, potential sale, or other actions.
Motivate your step-siblings to assume greater responsibility in tending to their father's needs, emphasising that maintaining the current level of responsibility poses challenges, particularly given your own health considerations and regrettably you are unable to sustain the current level of care without more support from them. I hope things get resolved for you sooner rather than later.
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@Jenwren
Good morning I hope you’re doing as well as possible. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum and sister.
I don’t know the answers to your questions but I see you have been given some good advice.
I really hope you can get things sorted out. I also think your step siblings are taking liberties not helping with their dad.
I wish you well please look after yourself.
Tale care ❤️ -
Hi @Jenwren, welcome to the community. I'm afraid I don't have any specific advice to offer, but it looks like you've had some good advice from others so far.
I just wanted to pop in to say hello and offer my condolences. Really sorry to read that you've lost your mum and sister and been through so much stress lately. It's not pathetic or a pity party, we are all here to offer support when you're going through a hard time
I hope things start getting easier for you soon.Rosie (she/her)
Online Community Coordinator @ Scope
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