Partners

Ollyoyster
Ollyoyster Community member Posts: 347 Empowering
edited September 2023 in Relationships
Hi i am sad, and meed advice pls, i have been with partner for 7 years. I just feel like he is going off me. When we met i was fit and healthy. Now i can hardly walk and put 3 stone on due to the fact.  I try and take pride in myself and always try and look nice, but i just feel completely enpty. We always had cuddles now nothing, its as if u am a burden to him, i try and bebas independant as i can but i just feel as if he is fed up with me and i just feel like walking away 
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Comments

  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 4,438 Scope Online Community Coordinator
    Hi @Ollyoyster Sorry to read you're having some relationship issues. It's really hard not to feel like a burden sometimes when you and your partner have different needs, so I understand where you're coming from. 

    Would you feel up to having a chat with your partner about how you feel? It's a hard conversation to start, but I'm sure they'd appreciate knowing how you feel and perhaps then you can think about the next steps.
  • Ollyoyster
    Ollyoyster Community member Posts: 347 Empowering
    Hia, yes i have approached tge subject but he is just puttingbup with me i can tell,, i am just really down atm, sorry i know i should be grateful for other things but i am down, a good nights sleep and bit if time apart hooefully should fix xx
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 4,438 Scope Online Community Coordinator
    @Ollyoyster Sorry to hear that. No need to apologise, everyone needs to vent sometimes, and that's what we're here for! 

    Perhaps you could do something nice for yourself today, watch your favourite film or TV show or treat yourself somehow if you're able. And as you said, a bit of space and a good night's sleep sounds like a good place to start :) 

    Keep us posted, I hope things start getting better for you soon
  • Ollyoyster
    Ollyoyster Community member Posts: 347 Empowering
    Xxxx
  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 5,477 Championing
    I'm have only just seen this post and my heart goes out to @Ollyoyster . Some partners can be awkward when I person becomes poorly . I've heard many a story of people who have left partners due  to thier other half becoming poorly.  How would they like it if the boot was on the other foot. I myself experience alot of unkindness from my other half over illnesses and in my view they aren't being understanding enough.  You can try talking too them but well it's sometimes a waste of breath . I really hope things get better for @Ollyoyster because the actions are not nice .
  • Ollyoyster
    Ollyoyster Community member Posts: 347 Empowering
    Xxxx
  • Ollyoyster
    Ollyoyster Community member Posts: 347 Empowering
    I am sick of it all, he just said it was better when he lived on his own 
  • Ollyoyster
    Ollyoyster Community member Posts: 347 Empowering
    I cant cope with this
  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,262 Scope Online Community Coordinator
    Heya @Ollyoyster good to see you again. :)  How're you getting on with things now? I hope they're improving.
  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 5,477 Championing
    My other half is being really really grumpy . He always seems moody .  He doesn't like the job he does but says ageism does exist so he won't apply for anything else . He has niggles which he could speak to a Gp about but won't go have a chat with them . He's had one of those bowel check things and won't do it . I get the feeling he is anti my son and daughter. I can't make my mind up if I'm being stupid or not . I dunno?????
  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 5,477 Championing
    The situation is making me doubt myself a great deal . How can I be any good. 
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 4,438 Scope Online Community Coordinator
    Hi @Strawberry1, sorry to hear about your other half being grumpy. It could be that he's going through some things or struggling with his mental health and it's coming out as grumpiness. 

    When you say he is anti your son and daughter, what makes you think this? What kind of things is the situation making you doubt?
  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 5,477 Championing
    Hi @Rosie_Scope , I know I can explain but how do I put it into simple words to explain. My partner has a son who works has a family and visits my other half occasions once a week for 1 hour . My son visits more regularly and I don't think he's too happy about that . As for my daughter I don't know but I sense something.  I doubt myself because I feel me and my kids aren't as good as his son . I don't know ??? . I  will be told at some point I'm over reacting . I should just keep quiet.  I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything.  I'm very foolish .Sorry @Rosie_Scope . I will probably dislike myself now for showing myself up . 
  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 5,477 Championing
    I'm an incompetent fool @Rosie_Scope . Just a foolish middle aged woman.  Sorry. 
  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 5,477 Championing
    I've even offered to shop online so he can have some time to go fishing because he likes fishing.  So He can have some time doing his favourite pastime but he won't take up the offer?????? What am I supposed to do ???? . Sorry all I can think is moaning Minnie. 
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 4,438 Scope Online Community Coordinator
    You're not foolish or incompetent, and you're not overreacting either @Strawberry1. If you've picked up on something, it's always good to have a chat about it with someone and we're always here :)

    I don't know your other half, but perhaps there's a little jealousy there that your son is able to visit you more than his. It could be all manner of things. But you're not overreacting and there's no need to apologise for talking about things that are affecting you.

    Have you ever asked your son or daughter whether they've noticed the same thing as you? 
  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 5,477 Championing
    Thank you so much for your time @Rosie_Scope . I appreciate having a shoulder to cry on so to speak . I think your point could be valid . I don't think they would notice because he's a good actor lol 😆.  The time you have had for me today is precious 💖.  I'm so truly grateful 🙏 more than you will ever know.  Your a gem 💎 a true star 🌟  . Thank you 😊. 
  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 4,438 Scope Online Community Coordinator
    edited February 6
    That's quite alright @strawberry, any time! Sorry I missed the post about the fishing!

    That sounds like a nice thing to do for him. I'm not sure about your situation, but if you're able to maybe you could just do the online shop and make the time for him to go fishing anyway without offering. Then when you tell him you've saved the time for his fishing, he has the choice whether to use that time or not. Once the idea of the shopping is taken out of the question, he might find it easier to say yes and go rather than reject the offer. But try not to be too upset if you try this and he doesn't go, I know that's easier said than done!

    It sounds like he's going through a difficult time if he doesn't want to do his hobbies and he might just need some time to think about things. That must be hard for you too, so remember to look after yourself as well :)
  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 5,477 Championing
    You have nothing to be sorry for @Rosie_Scope . You've been really supportive I'm filling up because of your kindness.  I will try things out and see how it goes . I will do my best to look after myself.  I can't thank you enough.  Thank you doesn't always seem enough but you truly are an amazing person. I don't know how I can repay you for your kindness.  Take care of yourself too please 🙏. 
  • Strawberry1
    Strawberry1 Community member, Scope Member Posts: 5,477 Championing
    No disrespect here but I think some men are horrible human beings. Bolshy attitude and blowing their own trumpet . 

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