Body dismorphia

Catherine21
Catherine21 Posts: 3,375 Championing
in Coffee lounge

Living with body dismorphia borderline personality disorder and other diagnosis they all feed into each other I cannot have photos done last photo with my daughter was when she was 3 she will be 30 this year this is what worries me about back to work plans I cannot be seen like today is a bad day caught sight of myself and I'm in total disgust can be any shiny surfaces as I avoid mirrors like dracula I'm ageing and that doesn't help I'm constantly trying to avoid looking at myself curtains drawn everyday waking up worrying about what labour proposing I'm awaiting adhd test and it makes sense how I'm drained by work by people my brain isn't designed for this world the constant battle of imposter syndrome my mental health has got me in alot of trouble even with the law so I totally isolated for 10 years being disabled in this country is horrendous the stigma the struggle I don't want to be seen I want to be invisible put me back in society and I will kick off I had a boss who bullied me for a long time I went off sick and I started harassing her leaving voicemail threatening her I literally broke I got arrested and done for harassment b

Comments

  • Albus_Scope
    Albus_Scope Posts: 8,695 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    I understand how crippling body dysmorphia can be @Catherine21 I'm sorry to hear it's affected you so much. It's very easy to fall into a habit of being alone, the longer you isolate, the harder it is to try and get back out there. So I'm very glad that you're part of the Scope community and I hope it's helping you a bit. 😊
    I can agree the modern world isn't built with our mental health (good or bad) in mind at all, but it's nice to see more work places are starting to pay attention and realise that a healthy mind can be a more productive mind and you shouldn't be made to feel bad for taking some time out for self care. 😊

    Have you tried any talking therapies at all? I hear DBT is pretty good with BPD?

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 3,375 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/905819#Comment_905819

    Yes loads the longest 18 months I just don't retain any information I'm looking nodding at people I've developed like a filter on my eyes sounds crazy but I'm looking straight through someone couldn't tell you what colours eyes what thier wearing and that's how I look at myself if I have to a quick scan I wear sunglasses all the time it's so painful always feeling like a freak effects friendships relationships then masking ontop trying to fit I'm so exhausted I'm like miss Caversham Great Expectations when the curtains pulled down I don't know about anyone else but the changing of welfare system whatever they decide has really made me look at myself and its scary knowing I don't have the mental capacity to support myself in the real world as I'm sure been so triggering and when in the real world if I feel vulnerable I can get aggressive feel like a caged lion when working been very outspoken if I feel there's an injustice I will say I don't do well following orders on and on I could go thankyou for letting me release without judgement means alot

  • PMac
    PMac Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener

    I empathise with you. We are all different and I will share my experience but appreciate it’s just mine alone. Everyday is a lottery: sometimes I wake up and at best I’m agnostic when I judge myself and the next day I’m not so agnostic. However I do try to apply some hard learnt (life) lessons (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy etc.) and just being at the wrong side of 50 tips:

    1. People in general are neurotic in nature. The irony about thinking that people are judging is the more we think they are the more they are really thinking about themselves.
    2. Life is change. Just do it and small is big. Go for small wins but be consistent.
    3. A movie star, et al. spends a small fortune and can afford a thousand takes to get that perfect take. Us mere mortals can’t. It is what it is but be honest and rationally think it out.
    4. Marketing sucks. Social media has its pros and cons but don’t buy into the perfection trap. Perfection is boring and a perfect person learns nothing from their mistakes.
    5. Personal: ideally I wish I could be cured but I accept it’s all about good management, and I do forget or can’t be bothered and go 1 step forward and 2 steps back at times, but just remember you are not alone.

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 3,375 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/906429#Comment_906429

    Thankyou x

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 3,375 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/906442#Comment_906442

    Beautiful thankyouv

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