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Now its time for me

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elanaoali
elanaoali Community member Posts: 14 Connected
edited April 2017 in Children, parents, and families
Hi any one out there for me to talk to as a mum of a beautiful 16 teenage daughter with social anxiety disorder. Or as she puts it not a disorder. I don't like the word too. Spend the last 3 years and more fighting  her corner. She in very good hands of CAMHS and hospital education. Now its time for me. After having a public melt down nearly 2 wks ago in front of my friend of 26 years I finally taken to go to the Dr on monday with a letter on how I feeling, what is happening in our family ie. the stresses, how I feel etc. Rang our local mental health service number given by DR. Waiting for telephone assessment I feel angry and frustrated and that has affected me, my health, my family and well everything. 
So that's me at the moment .... 
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  • Alex
    Alex Posts: 1,305 Pioneering
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    Hi @elanaoali

    Welcome to the community. 

    Sounds like you've had a really stressful time, you've obviously done an amazing job supporting your daughter, and I hope the local services are able to give you the support you need.

    Do you have any other people you can go to for support? I'm sure there are many people on here who had similar experiences. 

    We put together a few tips a couple of weeks ago about mental health that might me of interest: https://www.scope.org.uk/Support/Tips/Disabled-people/Mental-Health 
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  • htlcy
    htlcy Community member Posts: 128 Pioneering
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    Hi @elanaoali. Sorry to read that you're having a stressful time. I'm in a similar situation myself. I look after my mum, who had undiagnosed EUPD for a very long time throughout my childhood, but I had my own severe struggles with mental health a couple of years ago. Adult services are vastly different to child ones, and from my experience, differ greatly from region to region. Mind is a useful port of call; they have a website and a helpline you can ring, as well as several drop in centres. May also be useful to discuss how your daughter's mental health has impacted upon your own, and perhaps discuss this with the team that are caring for her. Thanks for reaching out, and I hope things start to improve soon for you. Sending love to you and your daughter!
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  • elanaoali
    elanaoali Community member Posts: 14 Connected
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    thank you your welcome I have a phone assessement with local mental health service after having been to the doctors about my own mental health. This was down to my very good friend of 26 years who I had a very public melt down two Saturdays ago. I have rang local carers charity and they are sending me stuff in the post. I going to register myself as a carer at my local GPs probably next week. So things are slowly started to change. I am probably going to have CBT therapy (suggested by the GP) I saw. I had wrote out how I felt and stressing in my life. The doctor took it and scan into my record. I felt very naked doing this. I have just started my journey of looking after me with help from mental health service. Like people of a certain age haven't had much contact with mental health for myself. 
    Will keep you all update on what is happening to me... 
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  • elanaoali
    elanaoali Community member Posts: 14 Connected
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    Fresh from my phone call I have been offered a stress management course starter (3 wks in length and starting 28th) then if I want do a course on dealing with local time health conditions. I like the idea of that. I also like the idea of low mood course on challenging black and white thinking. I think I going to learn a lot and I am sure it is a blessing for me. 
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  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,671 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @elanaoali Im so glad to hear you are being offered support! Being a parent is so tough at times, especially a parent of a teenager so I am glad you have recognised how important it is to look after yourself as well as your child!

    Do you have much support from your friends? I find it invaluable to have other parents to talk to, even though they may not have the answer, it is so good to know you arent alone.  Sometimes we assume that our friends are perfect parents who arent having issues with their own families but I have always found that once one person speaks honestly, everyone else admits their own struggles too!

    Best of luck to you and keep in touch and let us know how it goes on.

    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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  • elanaoali
    elanaoali Community member Posts: 14 Connected
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    HI Sam Scope 
    I have a very supportive church family especially some close friends in church. Some people have know me for years 22 years to be exact. I know some people who's son suffered with depression in his teenage years. Now doing very well at college. Other parent one of my closest friends has a grown up daughter with anxiety too. So my church has parents who are not perfect just like me. 
    I will keep everyone posted. 
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  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,671 Disability Gamechanger
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    No parent is perfect, we are all just doing our best.  :)
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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  • elanaoali
    elanaoali Community member Posts: 14 Connected
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     :) 
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  • elanaoali
    elanaoali Community member Posts: 14 Connected
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    Started my stress management course today. Very interesting especially like the stress bucket the fact that things can drip and drip into it over time major and minor stress and then the bucket get full and then you have a flood. So they are things you can do and have a tap to help deal with the stresses and let out some of the water so their isn't a flood. In my case a meltdown. Also did talk about  CBT very interesting so back next week. 
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  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,671 Disability Gamechanger
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    That sounds really positive @elanaoali

    I heard something on the radio a while back, it was a woman talking about how through the weeks, she often stuffs her handbag with receipts and lists, letters and other things she needs to do.  Each one of the things that needs sorting isnt overwhelming on it's own but by the time she gets to the end of the month, her handbag is jammed full of things that need organising and it feels like too much of a big job to sort it all out.

    She was saying that our minds are like this, that we collect so many little things, problems that arise, issues we need to resolve and then we end up overwhelmed by all our problems.

    She said we need to be better at dealing with each issue as it arises so we dont stuff our heads (and our handbags!) so full that the task to untangle them feels like too big a job.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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  • elanaoali
    elanaoali Community member Posts: 14 Connected
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    Update I have been to 2 stress management session now and the last one this week. These have been very helpful and in the process of digesting what I have been talk. 
    We had another appointment with CAMHS and my daughter's  physcharist plus hosptial education. Making a new plan for my daughter's progress into sixth form. 
    The physcharist has offered me an appointment to see me which I am going to take up the offer. So I will keep you up dated on that. 
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  • elanaoali
    elanaoali Community member Posts: 14 Connected
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    Update I finished my course on stress and managment and had my accessment for how it went etc. I signed up for a new course on managing stress and illness that's in september. I have also ask my local council about transport for my daughter for sixth form in september. They said I would have to apply again fair enough and have offered half of the cost of the school bus to sixth form. 
    I done a taster session for my local oxfam shop and will be starting a regular shift on a monday morning. I was told by the staff that even at my trial I was an asset. Still working on benefits need to chase that up feel off my radar due to technical issues with the charity computers etc. 
    When I feel ill taking it easy and not being to hard on myself. 
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  • Alex
    Alex Posts: 1,305 Pioneering
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    Thanks for the update @elanaoali

    Sounds great, the Oxfam shop is clearly lucky to have you!

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