Scared

Yes it's the whole structure facing people I absorb no information doesn't matter if I go on courses I sit and zone out can't bare been told what to do can't do eye contact if I wake up and look in mirror and it's a real bdd day I can't be seen by no one and I mean no one then I go sick for months get rages so many emotions in one hour let alone a day get angry at people thinking they hate me last job I had got done for harassment left the job and around the clock was leaving messages on work phone her private phone had complete breakdown I can mask for a certain amount of time then I have to retreat I worked for 22 years in and out of jobs and when was with ex husband he forced me to stay at work nearly killed me I did do something stupid I just couldn't cope just every disorder I have comes to ahead when I work or have to be around people on a daily basis it's a living hell I've isolated for years only way before isolation i have pmdd and the rages was unbelievable I felt invincible literally pushing people in supermarkets causing arguments horrendous going out at night drinking the lot I've thought of everything what I could do and I know I wouldn't be able to but the high masking makes me seen like I can do the worry is engaging with job centre staff at times just won't be able to I'm ashamed