Scared

Catherine21
Catherine21 Posts: 2,773 Championing
in Autism and neurodiversity

I'm so scared of the unknown been 14 months of fight or flight mode desperately trying to look for plan B there is none I am unable to fit into society obviously if I knew I could work well would be prefect it's the fact that I know I would go few days then literally I wouldn't be able to go back it's hard to explain I'm tired of it all

Comments

  • Holly_Scope
    Holly_Scope Posts: 124 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    @Catherine21 this breaks my heart to read. You have a society here. A whole community behind you.

    I feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself which makes me sad. The work situation isn't your fault. You can only do what you can do.

    Have you had a think about what it is that makes you want to work ie is it socialising, getting your head in to something? I'm just wondering if there might be something we can think about that will work for you.

    Take care of yourself. ❤️

    All the best,

    Holly.

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 2,773 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/957148#Comment_957148

    Yes it's the whole structure facing people I absorb no information doesn't matter if I go on courses I sit and zone out can't bare been told what to do can't do eye contact if I wake up and look in mirror and it's a real bdd day I can't be seen by no one and I mean no one then I go sick for months get rages so many emotions in one hour let alone a day get angry at people thinking they hate me last job I had got done for harassment left the job and around the clock was leaving messages on work phone her private phone had complete breakdown I can mask for a certain amount of time then I have to retreat I worked for 22 years in and out of jobs and when was with ex husband he forced me to stay at work nearly killed me I did do something stupid I just couldn't cope just every disorder I have comes to ahead when I work or have to be around people on a daily basis it's a living hell I've isolated for years only way before isolation i have pmdd and the rages was unbelievable I felt invincible literally pushing people in supermarkets causing arguments horrendous going out at night drinking the lot I've thought of everything what I could do and I know I wouldn't be able to but the high masking makes me seen like I can do the worry is engaging with job centre staff at times just won't be able to I'm ashamed

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