How to get people past the disability to stop them hating and hurting you
I had posted this somewhere else here but it seems to have vanished and so I'm posting it again in the hope someone will answer it.
I'm 51, with Cerebral Palsy, Hydrocephalus, Dyspraxia, Caetextia and Asperger's, no wheelchair. Categorization-wise, I seem to fall between all the stools going - I'm learning disabled, yet I can't get on the same wavelength as the others in in the L.D. day centres they put me in. I've officially got a very low IQ, yet I've got 16 quals., including an HND equivalent in Computing. My disabilities come out in my face. I 'look weird' to able-bodied people, and that's the problem that's beset me my entire life.
To cut a long post short, I've been beaten up loads, through schooldays to the present day. I've had all my teeth kicked out and my head caved in by bovver boots and chunky rings. When I lived in London, I had my flats burgled all the time, had really very repulsive accusations chucked at me by able-bodied people (if you 'look weird', you must 'be weird' and you'll get worked over 'on spec'.) I got banned from loads of places because people complained about having to look at me/thought I might 'do things' to their kids (that one's followed me for-EVER with absolutely no basis in fact. It's just if you look weird you must BE weird and that's the weirdest thing people can think of.) The police, of course, were a marvellous help - I've been beaten up 4 times by them, too. They're experts at it, there's never any bruises when they finish with you but you know you've been through it with them, trust me.
Eventually they ran out of places in London to put me, so they moved me down to Hastings. And it started all over again. Except because Hastings is a lot smaller than London, it's impossible to dodge the idiots. They're all there waiting for you. I was getting accused of being anything you can think of, having all my giro money mugged off me as I left the post office, all my flats burgled (the cops would move me to a new flat, I'd get followed back by some idiot and his friends would do it over). Then I got left a legacy, started my own business with it and my business partner ran off with all the money. Of course the police never found him. I got declared mentally ill (I'm NOT, I'm mentally HANDICAPPED, there's a difference) and put into a psychiatric home which then got closed down and I got moved to Brighton.
Where I am now, and it's started all over again. The guy downstairs constantly kicks my door in and swears he'll 'have me out on the street' where 'you belong, why should decent people have to live with effin' weirdos like you?' I've tried to make friends and been banned from loads of places for doing it, seems they were talking to me to my face and complaining about me talking to them the moment my back was turned. I'm banned from the Pier because the big bouncer says I scare customers (that's based on a bunch of Oriental girls looking at me and running off screaming and giggling!) I've been worked over 4 times since I've been here (which is a LOT better than Hastings or London, I'll say that!) but I still flat can't get any work, voluntary or otherwise. Why? Glass ceiling, in all three towns/cities. If you're disabled, you're below the glass ceiling and you're one of the Helped. If you're able-bodied, you're above the glass ceiling and a Helper. The idea of a disabled person being a Helper is totally alien to 95% of all able-bodied people (if not more!)
Thing IS, over the last half a century I've never made friends, nor ever been included in groups anywhere (including school) I've had so little practice conversing with others I'm totally useless at conversation (imagine you're trying to converse in a foreign language you don't really understand and you'll see what it feels like to me) and I'm SO scared of going out and trying to DO anything where there's able-bodied people that I just sit in most days. Not that that works too well because if I try DOING anything, like writing music which I love doing, or housework, anything, I'll get my door kicked in by the idiot downstairs more than likely. I found a great collection of courses on how to get on with people run by the local Community Living Disability Team - but they wouldn't let me do any of them cos they said I wasn't disabled enough. So I asked the local Scope rep. how I could get onto those or similar courses and she never answered me.
Please, what do I try next? I'm scared of the guy downstairs because I'm in Brighton on a fluke, if I get kicked out of this place they won't rehouse me, I'll just be street homeless and the guy downstairs is busting his nuts to get me kicked out. I'm terrified of going into anywhere that's in anyway communal incase I find it's another place I'm banned from. I've tried volunteering at the local Learning Disability day centre and got turned down because the boss lady said other people wouldn't like looking at me (story of my life!) I've tried volunteering in every voluntary shop in the area and been turned down by the lot (mainly cos I've no references, I don't know anyone, I've never kn own anyone, it's just me.) And I'm honestly beginning to wonder if it isn't better to just end it all right now and stop being a flamin' parasite on the community. I didn't work to earn my quals. to spend a life on benefits, that's been forced on me. But right now I'm completely flat out of ideas.
I want to have friends, know how to get able-bodied (and other disabled) people past the fact I look like a reject from Star Wars and onto the fact I'm a human being. I want to learn how to 'do' conversation, because I've had SOOO little practice (can go for 6 months or more without talking to anyone save shop staff, me, cos if you talk to people you get banned.) that I cannot do verbal conversation (I seem to do alright typing it, dunno why it works that way and not verbally for me) And I want to get to fit in. Somewhere. Without being banned/beaten up by bouncers (or cops!) or other locals.
All ideas will be tried - but people, don't post silly ideas as a joke cos chances are I won't REALISE they're silly ideas - I'm not good at seeing the difference - and I'll try them and end up in it even worse than I am now. Of all the above, before starting finding places to go, I need to learn to do conversation because otherwise I just sit there looking stupid and feeling terrified because I know all the verbal skills everyone else takes for granted are alien to me, so people wonder why I'm 'behaving weird' when it's just I don't know how to DO it. Got zero confidence in personal communication.
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