Struggling with mental health

lavenderfields · March 3

Just feeling like I don’t want to be here anymore, I feel so anxious, lonely and depressed

I’m living independently for the first time

I don’t work and I have no social life

Very close to my mother but not able to spend as much time with her, now we’re living apart, I sometimes go to her house just to get out but I’m still alone as she works full time

A peer supporter via mental health team reached out to me a couple weeks ago but I didn’t know what help to ask for, I don’t know what to do with myself, I’m scared to engage, I don’t really have any hobbies and I only go out to places with my mum when she’s free off work

I feel like a terrible burden to her sometimes

My thoughts are slipping back into suicidal and self harm, I have nothing to focus on and I’ve overdosed twice before

I’ve taken many different antidepressants over the years, tried some cbt, but now want to avoid medication as I don’t like all the side effects and I don’t really feel it fixes the problem. I also don’t know how to fix my problems as i’m autistic and have social anxiety

I just want these horrible feelings to stop 😢

lavenderfields · March 3

Thank you @Agnia ♥️

It would be nice to have someone to talk to, if anyone reading this needs a friend I am also here!!

I don’t know how the private message feature works or start a convo here 🫶

lavenderfields · March 3

I have texted Samaritans before, it helps a bit but still feel alone @Agnia

Charlie_Alumni · March 3

Hello @lavenderfields. Thank you for reaching out, it can be the hardest thing to do. It looks like you're already making some nice connections on here and I hope you find the support helpful. We've also sent you an email so please look out for that.

luvpink · March 3

@lavenderfields

Hi and welcome to the community.

So sorry to hear you are feeling that way.

Sending you love and hugs. 💕

lavenderfields · March 4

Hi @Agnia thanks for asking,

I woke up feeling pretty crappy and emotional. I sent a text to the support worker who reached out to me before but haven’t heard anything yet. I hope she will reply today.

How is your day going so far?

lavenderfields · March 4

Hi @luvpink thank you 🙂

lavenderfields · March 4

@Agnia hope you enjoy your movie

lavenderfields · March 4

I don’t know what to do with myself, I hate being home alone all day, I’ve taken my dog for a walk already will go for another one soon. I just feel sad I have nothing to do but think that I shouldn’t be here

Albus_Scope · March 4

Hey @lavenderfields a belated welcome to the community. 😊

I'm also autistic and have pretty crippling social anxiety, so I can empathise to some degree. Everyone's different of course. I also hate taking antidepressants, but still do as once they do start working, they definitely make a difference to me, but it usually takes about two months of feeling worse, which isn't great!

You said you don't really have a social life and don't really have any hobbies. But are there any things you'd like to try doing?

lavenderfields · March 4

@Albus_Scope I wouldn’t mind trying anything in order to find a hobby I just need help if I’m going to join something leaving the house

Albus_Scope · March 4

Gotcha, ok then @lavenderfields let's do process of elimination. You could always try something that wouldn't involve leaving the house? That way, if you don't feel up to going out, you can still do your hobby, hopefully with other people online too. 😊
I found gaming's great for that, but I know it's not for everyone.

lavenderfields · March 4

@Albus_Scope I don’t game

Albus_Scope · March 4

As said, it's not for everyone, it was just a suggestion. 😊 There's so many hobbies that have huge online communities these days, so there's always someone to chat to. Just have a think about something you'd like to try. 😊

lavenderfields · March 5

@Albus_Scope how do I find online communities? I wouldn't know where to start as I can’t think of what I’d like to try 😔

pburns1337 · March 5

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/991711#Comment_991711

Well this is an online community, so you found us at least. 🙂 There are all kinds of online groups around, centred on video games, Warhammer, literature fandom like Tolkien. I'm sure with your autism diagnosis you have got some special interests, at least that's what I hear is typical. I spent a lot of time learning about aviation, flight simulators and the like. Also got really into Linux. Nowadays, I'm in my 50's so I've developed an interest in spiritual stuff, meditation, mystic traditions, that kind of thing. Anyway, this thing here run by Mind might be a good starting point: https://sidebyside.mind.org.uk/

lavenderfields · March 5

@Albus_Scope unfortunately I’m not one of those who has special interests, or should I say hasn’t found any

Thanks for sharing that link I’ve joined it

lavenderfields · March 5

sorry I meant @pburns1337

Dan88 · March 5

@lavenderfields I am so so sorry you feel this way.
Having been there myself I can sadly say, I know you feel, having been there myself.
But I will say, things defiantly did get better for me and many people I have met along the way who were also struggling with mental health.
Our brains can play nasty tricks on us if we let them, they can convince us we are a burden and lower our moods consistently till we feel we can’t go on. But I am confident you are no burden to your mother or anyone else and there is always some form of help available. Many have mentioned Samaritan service which may be worth a try.
My biggest advice is start journaling, write down your thoughts and feelings (however silly it may seem) also… make this a habit.. for every negative though.. write down 3 things you can find positive in… can be so small.. (eg you have a good relationship with your mother) or you ate your favourite crisps? Consistency is key and it can start to change the way your brain thinks. I also couldn’t leave the house and had no hobbies till I started trying little things to occupy my brain.. a little exercise, drawing, reading.. painting, sewing, crosswords, watching a series, a game, little things that can refocus your brain.
Eventually you’ll find something you find a little joy in.
And I know it’s hard to motivate yourself to do anything when you feel this way.. but it’s always worth a try.
Also this community is really is full of some of the kindest people who will help support you.
sending you lots of love and strength. Things will get better xxx

lavenderfields · March 5

@Agnia @Bluebell21 @Albus_Scope @pburns1337

Sorry for adding you all 😅 but hoping you guys can help, I don’t really know how to use this site to connect with other’s/find hobbies/join in.

Do I comment on people’s posts or is there like a chat room I can join? I feel like I’m missing something

lavenderfields · March 5

also @Charlie_Scope I responded to your email

Struggling with mental health

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