Mental health

Morning all.

Another night of not being able to sleep. I just really don't want to be alive anymore. I'm sick of everything right now. I'm this close to attempting again. I really hate this gov and this country...

I am struggling, wake up with knots in my belly tummy churning feel sick bowels up the wall too. My pain is worse than it has been too, I wish they would understand how the months of speculation has made everything worse for us. I've suffered with pain and physical disability for over 30 years and yet still have reviews every 3 years, I'm not going to get better as my nerve damage is permanent, my other illnesses are lifelong and deteriorating I have terrible pain daily and need help with most things but I would choose those over the mental anguish of the PTSD I developed a couple of years ago after the traumatic death of my younger sibling that I witnessed and all the processes that followed. On top of that my review papers came through just weeks after death and before we could have any funeral, the review took almost a year as did the inquest and investigations my anxiety has been on high alert ever since, my PTSD has been worse the past few weeks with all these changes and speculation. I fight every day to not go over the edge into oblivion but how long can you fight for when you feel the whole world is against you.

Thank you for your message, I feel alright now. I read the green paper and I feel calmer now because it looks like my pip is safe because of getting 4 points in an activity. Lack of sleep definitely makes things worse, haven't slept properly in weeks. Been meaning to contact my community mental health team and chase my follow up appt with my psychiatrist because I still haven't heard from them and they said it would be in 2 months but its been 3 months now and no contact.. And i really need to speak to them because I feel like I'm falling into crisis again. I literally only got discharged from mental health hospital in end of Nov and I'm not really getting any support. Just sick of being in and out of hospitals, just want to be normal.

Yeah I feel like its been emotional torture for weeks now. Im not contacting my gp after last time. Last year I was in crisis again, my psychiatrist cancelled my face to face appt because he was ill. I literally got the phone call from his secretary as I just got parked and was waiting to go in as I was 30 mins early. I then tried my gp at 9am asking for an urgent appt for my mental health, the receptionist said I rang too late and there were no appt and she didnt offer any help or anything. I then tried to jump off beachy head the next day and got admitted to hospital for a month again. I've been out of hospital since end of Nov and have had no support from my community mental health team except for an appt with a new psychiatrist as my usual one was busy. I was told I would have a 2 month follow up but its now been 3 months+ and still havent heard anything.. I know I really need to talk to my psychiatrist but I hate ringing up the reception because they don't answer the phone and last time it took me 4 days to get through.