Mental health
Comments
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Been a tough five weeks, battling the old dark matter and physical health. After being refused counselling through a local charity and with a letter being sent by one of there therapists to the local CMHT, I’ve been refused any form of Psychology Support. With them stating I want to work on the here and now problems such as the isolation and inability to get out and about, so they’ve sent me an area coordinator to work with me. Fair to say that I need the talking therapy to help me to start living again 😤 Complaint sent off to the local NHS Trust! I’ve kind of neglected up keep of the flat properly the past five weeks, doing the bare minimum, the same with personal care. Just felt completely lost, on edge, irritable, numb, soulless and like a death eater from Harry Potter.
Really been struggling with balancing the finances due to being exhausted all the time, run down and just not having the will to cook at times so I’ve ordered take away for sometimes six days in a town of which I’m embarrassed and ashamed. I have to go and have my flu and covid injections tomorrow and I just don’t want to leave my safe zone.
I’ve managed to do some housework today and painted the old nails while listening to Amy Macdonald.
I just have to keep saying to myself you’ve got this, you’re stronger than you know and you are a good person.I’ve tried reopening contact with friends, two very good friends who are going through their own battles with mental health. I found myself sending them both a similar message saying that I it’s best I not be part of there lives as I’m not a good person and have been a terrible friend to them over recent years and that they’ve got there families and friends around them. I’ve deleted all main social media, no what’s app and deleted all phone numbers.
I sat there thinking about it the other day, I live alone in a large city, with no family or friends around to be there for me, instead my thinking switched to I’ve grown away from them and that I’ve become more, The only person I should be worrying about is myself and I’m following my own path.I was flicking through You Tube earlier tonight and a video of James Blunt singing a song about his Father with a vocal coach reacting to it. I wrote a comment about the song but then added a comment about me being distanced from my own father, that I’ll never know if he has passed on and would never be able to say goodbye to him. I don’t know why but just typing that out just made me start crying, which I’ve not done since 2023. Shook me to the core big time.
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How are you getting on with the barrel planters. Have you managed to keep up with them?
Not like me, but I stayed in bed untii 21:00! I had better not make a habit of it, not when I have Gus to look after.
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I feel everything you said i really understand about the therapy part I have been offered therapy so shouldn't sound ungrateful but she gaslighted me big time so I sent a few emails to her how I felt about her undermining my struggles well done for painting your nails to some people that may seems noting im the same with isolation is just get so triggered by society so hard isn't it then feeling misunderstood and let down when you decide to reach out and let your guard down the part with your father also I understand in a different way its sad as we are forced to be put in these situations which causes great sorrow the loss of wanting things to be so different all you can do is take day by day its so good your expressing on here how you feel keep advocating for yourself its a must no matter how draining it is you understand you need and want the support and you deserve the support this group amazing god Ive done over 8 thousand posts !!! The ramblings of a lost soul and I hate writing and texting 😒
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Hi Chris, Fair to say the Barrel Planters are in a state of flux almost 3 months on. I’ve brought them inside the flat to dry out and give a clear coat of water based varnish. I’ve done one, but the second one is yet to be done. My mental and physical health has been crook for the last six weeks, just been doing the bare minimum to scrape by each day. Just clinging in there by the old nails.
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I understand, I really do. I just tend to keep my feelings to myself, but I feel just like anyone else.
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Hi Catherine,
Even though it’s still the day after me bawling my eyes out, I’m kind of still shook up by it and can’t figure out how it just suddenly happened. My Father is an emotionally abusive and controlling person, who I barely spoke to even living under the same roof up until 2012, in fact I kind of look from childhood up until the year I moved out and we never had any meaningful conversations other than a few words here and there. I guess that once my Mum and Dad pass, it’s going to be up to my Sister to organise and pay for there funerals or if either has to go into a home fund that as well. My Sister is very much a Daddy’s girl and someone who I never got on with or liked. Over ten years since I’ve seen them or other members of my family with no formal lines of contact, no phone numbers etc. They don’t know where I live, have my address or my telephone number. Guess it takes guts to stand up and say I don’t want any further contact between us and for the first time in my life physically stand up for myself against them. Main protagonists were always my father, sister, my dads brother, wife and three daughters. I always respected and looked out for my Mum when I lived at home, but since the less than acrimonious split ten years ago, I’ve had to kind of look at the bigger picture with my Mum. I’ve since found out she didn’t want a second child, felt forced into having me, when I was born due to how poorly I was she said to a health professional - would people think of me as bad if I gave him up, health professionals were regularly telling my mum to tell me she loved me and later down the road when I was in a boarding school in the lakes, she was begging for funding to keep me at school 365 days a year 😔 when you see in black and white that as a child I told a social worker that I felt that I was being treated differently at home compared to my sister. I was always the hexagon sized piece that didn’t fit into a round hole! The only people I truly felt akin to and really gelled with was my Mums side of the family, who sadly many have passed away in a short time frame and I didn’t get to say goodbye or see before they passed, mainly due to my mother and sister having a falling out with them and I was barred from seeing them by my mother. Until my Uncle who was my Godfather passed away, it’s something I can never forgive my Mum for.
I just hope there all ok and are safe and have kind of said goodbye to them in my own way.
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I myself tend to just shut down, close out the world, bottle things up, bury my head in the sand until something inside me snaps.
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Please take care of yourselves everyone .
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Its ok to know ones not good enough
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Morning all.
I hope you all have as pleasant a day as you can.
I have been unable to go out for two weeks due to health issues.
I am hoping to get out for a couple of hours tonight if I feel up to it.
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Hope you manage to get out for a bit of fresh air tonight. Sometimes we just have to stay indoors to take time to rest, recuperate and self centre again.
I to battle mental and physical health demons each day, I just have to take each day a minute at a time. I try not to run before I can shuffle, sometimes I have to just take myself back to bed if I’m struggling. I honestly don’t know each day which version of myself is going to wake up and tackle the day. I try to keep myself grounded and centred by meditating each night and morning.0 -
Hope it goes ok @luvpink 🙂
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Morning all 💜 how is everyone doing today? Hope you're all having a good day so far
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Hey Zippy. I hope your feeling better this morning. I was reading your post and just wanted to say that I really do feel like you have the gift of storytelling. Have you thought about writing abook on your life? You articulate so beautifully despite the pain and sorrow behind the words….
I watched a beautiful movie, based on a true story recently and your post regarding your father triggered my memory of it so thought I would share it with you..Stay strong my friend
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hey everyone
I was upset to read about albus and now that my lovely friend bluebell has left.
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Hi
Nice to see you back.
I hope you are well.
Things are not the same without Bluebell and Albus
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hey
thanks, hope you're ok.
no I can feel that, such a shame 😥
it's been an awful year, I have recently had two new diagnosis neither are good, takes the total to 21 conditions And I had to be sorted out recently for trying to exit the world (again) but I'm here for now. I don't "do" social media anymore,I don't read up anything to do with DWP or the government I enjoy the ignorance is bliss approach.
I did reluctantly move over to UC via mum who's my appointee and am due my first payment Friday.
I did however tell mum as I didn't want to claim it and am now partly on CB ESA too if they attempt to move me again in the future to this so called unemployment insurance that I'm not playing their games anymore or doing anything I'm incapable of.
on a more positive note back in May I relaunched my radio station TVGR radio Sussex and it's now much widely listened to and known
I still collect films and tv shows on physical media and when severely depressed still have issues with compulsive purchasing of them to drown the world out by watching them to keep me occupied.
apart from the awful news about Albus who always appreciated and shared my horror film love and the loss of lovely bluebells presence what has been happening with you all here and in the forum?
x
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Hello Nightcity, its good to see you're back here I'm in touch with our lovely Bluebell several times a week, she's ok. Please do feel free to message here or DM me and I'll pass it on to her. Please, take good care of yourself xx
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Hey so glad to hear from you !!! Sorry you been going through alot 21 diagnosis I had my first payment two weeks ago it went smoothly
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hey, great to see you again
glad to hear all that 😃💛
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