How is your day going?

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  • Albus_Alumni
    Albus_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 11,423 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1063062#Comment_1063062

    They're not disappearing @Schildpad as I'd explained on the other discussion, our new keyword filter caught your comments, which we then have to manually release. So they're not gone, they're just waiting to be checked by us. It's a bit sensitive, so I think it didnt like you saying mentioning gambling. Apologies.

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    Ok.. I am cutting on it.. I can not forget about today's incident . I am traumatized by the experience. I might just rather not interact with people...

  • Albus_Alumni
    Albus_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 11,423 Championing

    Can I just confirm you mean you're cutting back on your scratchcards @Schildpad ?

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    I am very tired and confused and angry with myself and many things at the same time. Why life has to be so unfair . I did not want that incident to happen to myself... I hope it will pass. But my anxiety is sky high.

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    I am trying to skip messages related to benefits.. there is a lot of scaremongering to make people feel very scared. ... It keeps happening...if I get a letter I deal with it. But media wants us to be scared.

    I am scared about everything but I have worried too much in the past and it did not happen. It is better not to worry . And I know it is hard writing this while my heart is racing…

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    I am. Cutting on it. And also lottery etc .

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    I wsnt to cut completly but I am better than before as it was very bad.

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering
    edited August 2025

    I want to stop them altogether the cards that is.. Hopefully soon. . I am considering some changes for next year. I really need to find something I can do workwise.. relaying on the system is very scary And it is always the possibility of losing the benefits. So I need to try something. .retiring age is far away and not sure what will i get. but future is so uncertain…

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    @Catherine21 i am in a way volunteering … but it is only for a few hours on mondays wednesdays and fridays . i am a volunteer and member at the same time. on thursdays i am a member of another place.. so i am trying to go out and meet people. but today left me really bad. i am a very kind person but sometimes i overreact.. but i feel i am over doing it.. too much . but the feeling of the uncertain is worse. so i do not know what to do really.

  • Albus_Alumni
    Albus_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 11,423 Championing

    A few hours is still great @Schildpad so you're doing great. 😊

    Have you thought about what kind of work you'd like to do?

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    @Catherine21

    considering cutting off caffeine as well… that is another thing. maybe caffeine free stuff. i hope tomorrow i will feel better, now i regret the situation and i would probably let it go if it happens again. and do nothing but it is now too late. anyway.. i am waiting for the time to go to bed. maybe a film or two and bed time. but i completely lost my appetite.

  • WelshBlue
    WelshBlue Community Member Posts: 1,134 Championing
    edited August 2025

    @Grumpy1314 as a fellow petrol-head have you watched Junk & Disorderly, Bangers & Cash and Salvage Hunters Classic Cars … they're about the only things I watch on TV

    All informative but ever so slightly depressing. From oil cans to cars if only I'd known what the things I gave away or scrapped would be worth today

    One being the shell and running gear of a Ford Mk 3 RS 1600i … I had no room for it so gave it away. Worth upwards of £20,000 just as a non runner. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    @Albus_Scope with my ptsd from my previous job i do not really want to do anything similar to that job.. it will have to be something very quiet. but i am considering to do something. i need to be diagnosed properly.. i am sure i have autism and ptsd and adhd but only diagnosed as anxiety and depression. i am finally got a referral to the anxiety clinic . i hope they accept me.. and i can try to start treatment and it works. and maybe the find out if i have something else other that anxiety and depression that i am sure i have. i think nobody will want to hire me. as i have too many issues mentally and physically but also visually. i have mentioned before i have nf1 .not many companies will accept me.. maybe one that deals with similar people. i will see.. my friend says she could not be in my situation relying on the system etc.. and i can not blame her it is so distressing. my resolution is really find something i can do. maybe part time. maybe only one day a week. or two and move to more days little by little.

    i am thinking about museums etc.. one of those where people are sitting down checking people are not touching the paintings etc… maybe a shop art related or the museums shops. it has to be something art related as i am a bit knowledgeable .all my volunteering is on that field. but maybe also helping people with benefits etc.. i like helping people. even though i sometimes lose my temper like today and normally it does not happen. but when it happens….. well it is done now.

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    i am hoping for tomorrow .. i am more a member only helping setting up the place and maybe come up with some ideas …. so yes.. but it is very hard.. if you ask me i sometimes feel like shutting the blinds and the tv and going to sleep. and never leave the room. but i know that is not good idea so i try. but it is hard. also the longer it passes the harder it will get to go back to a working environment. i do not know.. but i can only hope things will get better.

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    but to be honest i am willing to try my hand in any possible job in the future etc.. but it is so hard at the same time. anyway. i used to be able to read one book after another one.. now it gets harder… but i will check that book….

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    it is not getting any better… i feel awful. maybe tomorrow i will feel better.. i really hope so.

  • Albus_Alumni
    Albus_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 11,423 Championing

    It's good to stay flexible with ideas @Schildpad you never know what you might find out there. 😊

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    i am so anxious my heart hurts.. it is going to take some time for me to forget what happened today and deal with the guilt. it is done and i can not change what what happened.

    living with a mental illness makes every day a challenge continuously having thoughts and some of them not knowing if they are real or not. i am overthinking so much. anyway i have to stop worrying about what happened today i can not change what happened only hope i would act differently if it happens again.

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    night night. until tomorrow. i really hope tomorrow i will feel better…….

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Community Member Posts: 1,015 Empowering

    anoher message for review…. anywyay good night.. i hope tomorrow does not rain…. but will go out regardless of the weather.. need my Fridays session…

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