How tf do you develop a healthy relationship with a ablebodied partner?

chronic_and_iconic

How do I build a life with someone where we both feel happy and fulfilled when I'm really just twelve illnesses in a trenchcoat? I'm not talking about dating, although that's of course hard in its own way, especially with invisible illnesses, I'm talking about once actually find someone. After deciding to move in with my boyfriend, I've been asking these questions a lot recently. So far, the best advice has been about equality vs equity-- as in, your relationship might not be equal, but it can be equitable. And that means whatever the both of you decide it does-- as I said in the blog post I eventually wrote on the subject, "the actual balance of work is less important than how you both feel about it."

Anyway, I'd seriously love to hear from anybody with chronic pain trying to be in a relationship (and build a life) with someone who doesn't, and how the heck you get started on a fair foundation that encourages a healthy relationship. Give me your wisdom!

Kimmy87

I would say always maintain open and honest communication. 
Be clear about what you can and cannot do, and any adaptations that will make your life easier. 

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SaraC_Scope

I have cerebral Palsy and epilepsy. When I met my then boyfriend at the age of 18, I was really unwell with seizures. It was important for me to be open and honest about my disabilities, as I had been hurt to many times as a young person. He had questions and I answered them. Although it was hard for him to see me unwell, he accepted the whole of me. Even when it meant plans got cancelled.

We have always had conversations about what is going well and the changes we need to make in our relationship. It's not just about him helping and supporting me. I also help him in areas he finds challenging, so I don't feel reliant on him. We've married for 25 years.