Has my boyfriend crossed the line

hannah24
hannah24 Online Community Member Posts: 11 Contributor
in Start here and say hello!
Hey guys please help as I'm struggling to stay calm with this. My boyfriend said what I think to be the most hurtful thing he could say. Last night he turned round to me and said I don't need a boyfriend I need a carer. I'm heart broken. Yes I have CP but I try my best 
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Comments

  • MW123
    MW123 Scope Member Posts: 844 Championing
    @hannah24

    Hello Hannah and welcome to Scope.
    It's understandable to feel heartbroken after such an insensitive remark. However, please don't let his hurtful words make you doubt your self-worth. Cerebral palsy is a part of who you are, but it doesn't define your entire identity or make you any less deserving of a caring, supportive partner.

    If this was an isolated incident, it may be worth having an honest conversation with him about how much his comment upset you. But if comments like this are a pattern, you may need to re-evaluate whether this is a healthy relationship for you. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you for who you are, disabilities and all.
  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,866 Championing
    Hello @hannah24

    Welcome to the community. I am so sorry that your partner said that to you. I agree with MW123, if this was an isolated incident, then having an honest conversation about what he said would be worth it. Can I ask, have they said anything like this before? And can I ask, do you have support around you? 
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Online Community Member Posts: 11 Contributor
    Thank you for such a lovely reply. I'm really upset about this and he makes me feel guilty for being disabled. When he met me I had it. I just feel that because I'm a nice person he is taking advantage of me but when I need a little help suddenly I need a carer. 
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Online Community Member Posts: 11 Contributor
    Yes he has said something like this before. He knows about my terrible past with me and I feel as though sometimes he uses this to his advantage 
  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,866 Championing
    I am so sorry @hannah24 Do you have anyone to speak to? A friend or family member? 
  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Online Community Member Posts: 39 Contributor
    Oh my gosh how awful
  • Queen_K
    Queen_K Online Community Member Posts: 249 Empowering
    Oh nom we are all here for you 
  • Sioned
    Sioned Online Community Member Posts: 14 Connected
    I'm not surprised you're feeling heartbroken. I'm so sorry your boyfriend is not being a good friend to you. That sucks
  • bookrabbit
    bookrabbit Online Community Member Posts: 200 Empowering
    It does sound as if he has crossed the line to me.

    You should think carefully about your position. I put up with a relationship where I was routinely insulted and taken advantage of for too long and I would advise you not to tolerate it.
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Online Community Member Posts: 11 Contributor
    Thank you everyone for your lovely supportive comments. I have my mum she's my main support but I'm scared of telling her because I don't want to worry her. Bookarabbit I'm sorry to hear that you have experienced this 
  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Online Community Member Posts: 39 Contributor
    Aww you stick with you mum :smiley:
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Online Community Member Posts: 11 Contributor
    Im looking at him now and I feel so angry inside because I think how dare you think it's ok to do this . He was full of apologies yesterday and went out and did my shopping whilst I was in bed all day because I just couldn't face the world 
  • noman
    noman Online Community Member Posts: 1,330 Pioneering
    Dump him and find someone that is worthy of you!
  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Online Community Member Posts: 39 Contributor
    Wow,so how do you feel this morning then?
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Online Community Member Posts: 11 Contributor
    Thank you guys I'm clearly struggling with self confidence as I always seem to attract the same type of guy. This morning I feel hurt still. Part of me wants to stay the other part makes me want to look elsewhere because I feel like he thinks I'm worthless 
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,669 Online Community Programme Lead
    Really sorry to read how you're feeling @hannah24. Only you can say what's right for you and while you might be feeling quite raw at the moment, you'll know your dynamic and how the relationship actually feels to you outside of these moments and will be much better positioned to judge. However, a relationship shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself or negatively affect your self-confidence.

    We all say stupid and regrettable things in the heat of the moment, but if he's saying things like that repeatedly or making you feel like a burden, then I don't think that's okay.

    How are you doing this afternoon?
  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Online Community Member Posts: 39 Contributor
    Big hugs hannah
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Online Community Member Posts: 11 Contributor
    Thank you for the lovely comments. This afternoon was good because it was mother's day so I got to sss my best friend. I'm still really hurt inside. He is being nice to me again but I'm dreading when it could happen again. I feel stronger in the last 24 hours because I found you guys. Such a beautiful community xx
  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Online Community Member Posts: 39 Contributor
    Tread carefully hannah :) family 1st :)
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Online Community Member Posts: 11 Contributor
    Yes family first I can tell my mum worries about me due to being in a really bad relationship a good few years ago.

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