Has my boyfriend crossed the line — Scope | Disability forum
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Has my boyfriend crossed the line

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hannah24
hannah24 Community member Posts: 11 Courageous
Hey guys please help as I'm struggling to stay calm with this. My boyfriend said what I think to be the most hurtful thing he could say. Last night he turned round to me and said I don't need a boyfriend I need a carer. I'm heart broken. Yes I have CP but I try my best 
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Comments

  • MW123
    MW123 Scope Member Posts: 473 Pioneering
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    @hannah24

    Hello Hannah and welcome to Scope.
    It's understandable to feel heartbroken after such an insensitive remark. However, please don't let his hurtful words make you doubt your self-worth. Cerebral palsy is a part of who you are, but it doesn't define your entire identity or make you any less deserving of a caring, supportive partner.

    If this was an isolated incident, it may be worth having an honest conversation with him about how much his comment upset you. But if comments like this are a pattern, you may need to re-evaluate whether this is a healthy relationship for you. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you for who you are, disabilities and all.
  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,912 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hello @hannah24

    Welcome to the community. I am so sorry that your partner said that to you. I agree with MW123, if this was an isolated incident, then having an honest conversation about what he said would be worth it. Can I ask, have they said anything like this before? And can I ask, do you have support around you? 
    Hannah - She / Her

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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  • hannah24
    hannah24 Community member Posts: 11 Courageous
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    Thank you for such a lovely reply. I'm really upset about this and he makes me feel guilty for being disabled. When he met me I had it. I just feel that because I'm a nice person he is taking advantage of me but when I need a little help suddenly I need a carer. 
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Community member Posts: 11 Courageous
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    Yes he has said something like this before. He knows about my terrible past with me and I feel as though sometimes he uses this to his advantage 
  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,912 Disability Gamechanger
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    I am so sorry @hannah24 Do you have anyone to speak to? A friend or family member? 
    Hannah - She / Her

    Online Community Coordinator @ Scope

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  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Community member Posts: 39 Courageous
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    Oh my gosh how awful
  • Queen_K
    Queen_K Community member Posts: 182 Pioneering
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    Oh nom we are all here for you 
  • Sioned
    Sioned Community member Posts: 15 Connected
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    I'm not surprised you're feeling heartbroken. I'm so sorry your boyfriend is not being a good friend to you. That sucks
  • bookrabbit
    bookrabbit Community member Posts: 196 Pioneering
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    It does sound as if he has crossed the line to me.

    You should think carefully about your position. I put up with a relationship where I was routinely insulted and taken advantage of for too long and I would advise you not to tolerate it.
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Community member Posts: 11 Courageous
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    Thank you everyone for your lovely supportive comments. I have my mum she's my main support but I'm scared of telling her because I don't want to worry her. Bookarabbit I'm sorry to hear that you have experienced this 
  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Community member Posts: 39 Courageous
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    Aww you stick with you mum :smiley:
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Community member Posts: 11 Courageous
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    Im looking at him now and I feel so angry inside because I think how dare you think it's ok to do this . He was full of apologies yesterday and went out and did my shopping whilst I was in bed all day because I just couldn't face the world 
  • noman
    noman Community member Posts: 562 Pioneering
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    Dump him and find someone that is worthy of you!
  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Community member Posts: 39 Courageous
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    Wow,so how do you feel this morning then?
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Community member Posts: 11 Courageous
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    Thank you guys I'm clearly struggling with self confidence as I always seem to attract the same type of guy. This morning I feel hurt still. Part of me wants to stay the other part makes me want to look elsewhere because I feel like he thinks I'm worthless 
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,011 Scope online community team
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    Really sorry to read how you're feeling @hannah24. Only you can say what's right for you and while you might be feeling quite raw at the moment, you'll know your dynamic and how the relationship actually feels to you outside of these moments and will be much better positioned to judge. However, a relationship shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself or negatively affect your self-confidence.

    We all say stupid and regrettable things in the heat of the moment, but if he's saying things like that repeatedly or making you feel like a burden, then I don't think that's okay.

    How are you doing this afternoon?
    Community Manager
    Scope
  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Community member Posts: 39 Courageous
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    Big hugs hannah
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Community member Posts: 11 Courageous
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    Thank you for the lovely comments. This afternoon was good because it was mother's day so I got to sss my best friend. I'm still really hurt inside. He is being nice to me again but I'm dreading when it could happen again. I feel stronger in the last 24 hours because I found you guys. Such a beautiful community xx
  • antiquecollector
    antiquecollector Community member Posts: 39 Courageous
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    Tread carefully hannah :) family 1st :)
  • hannah24
    hannah24 Community member Posts: 11 Courageous
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    Yes family first I can tell my mum worries about me due to being in a really bad relationship a good few years ago.

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