Before you comment, think first.

Albus_Scope

Hey there folks. The community often deals with some quite difficult conversations, especially in these uncertain times. Some of these topics will involve complexities that, when combined with heightened emotions, can easily lead to meanings and intentions being misinterpreted or misread. The written word is terrible for that.

I just wanted to say we want the community to be a safe space for everyone, to say what's on their mind. Within reason of course.

I know that sometimes you will stumble across a conversation that upsets you, or you’ll find yourself involved in a discussion where you feel picked on or challenged and your first instinct might be to rush to make a reply. To that end, here are a few thoughts I’d like us all to consider when using the community:

Before you respond to a post think:

• Am I feeling preoccupied, anxious, inadequate, physically uncomfortable and tired? Am I making assumptions?
  
• Do I feel a strong urge to be right rather than looking to offer advice, help find solutions, support and empathise with the other person? Focus on the whole message, not how it's presented, this isn't a school and people will not be marked down for spelling errors.
  
• Am I looking at the post from my point of view, rather than the other person’s?
  Sometimes we'll think the comment is meant one way due to our own lived experience, but remember we're all different, but are still bought together here by disability. Let's look at the bigger picture.
• Is it worth engaging and potentially making a bad situation worse? Should I step away and perhaps report the post? I'm a firm believer in taking a step back and not replying straight away, as infuriating as that can feel at the time.
  
• Sometimes being available and showing you are listening is all the support that people need. Sometimes we just need to vent and "I hear you" can really be all that person needs to hear.

Accurate information is vital. But it’s important to remember that people not only reach out in times of need, but also in times of great anxiety or frustration. Tact, tone and understanding are important. Often people want to feel heard just as much as they want to hear the truth.

We don't want toxic positivity, but we do feel everyone should have a chance to speak their mind. But please be aware we do have the community guidelines in place for a reason, as we don't want to spread panic or inaccurate information.

Let's "Be excellent to each other" 😁

lizptsd

Really wise advice 😊

I've backed off from some recent discussions that were becoming quite uncomfortable and unhelpful. I know emotions are running high but we do need to be kind to each other ❤️

luvpink

My motto is genuinely if you have nothing nice or positive to say its best to scroll by and leave it at that. 🥰

lizptsd

Quite right 😊

The last discussion about the press became quite distressing and went completely off the subject. Someone made an awful comment belittling mental health which was cruel and upset a lot of people. Like I said people quite rightly are very anxious but we should all pull together and not take pot shots regarding conditions they obviously have no knowledge of.

Nightcity

💜💛

I love it here and the majority of posters, but yes sometimes we get the odd comment like the one mentioned which is inappropriate.

great post

lizptsd

Thanks Night City you've become a bit of a hero to us all and a source of comfort amongst the madness, cheers 😊

Nightcity

bless you 💛

I'm sorry that comment upset you, I wasn't impressed with it either thankfully that sort of post isn't common.

lizptsd

It hurt so much because of our Son taking his own life as many of you know. Someone making out that people with mental health were faking it to get benefits was very cruel and ignorant.

Sandy_123

Great topic @Albus_Scope

lizptsd

I feel it's so sad and damaging the press releases cause so much anxiety with misinformation and scare mongering. I'm glad we have each other. I'm so sorry I let that post get to me so much but I get so angry that bigoted people think it's clever to upset people struggling.

Nightcity

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/919864#Comment_919864

you don't owe anyone any apologies at all.

lizptsd

Thank you, I just feel so much empathy for us all at the moment and just wish we could all be left in peace.

Nightcity

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/919872#Comment_919872

My mum told me this morning because of how ill my anxiety makes me and my own history with dwp sending me to desperate measures not to claim UC when asked and she'll look after me so I can stop living my life in fear.

I just try help others feel better,then it helps me feel better and everyone wins.

I always care about you all and will try where possible to take the calm logical slant although of course that doesn't always help everyone

lizptsd

I know you will Night City but you need to take care of yourself too. I'm just so sad that we have to live with this fear everyday on top of all the other challenges we have.

Nightcity

I know and I can't do it anymore I think mum knows that bless

chiarieds

I always appreciate when this comment is made @Albus_Scope - as I think it matters so much (tho I still disagree with questioning 'if you're feeling physically uncomfortable' as I'd never be able to comment if this was the case)! But yes, this together with the 'House rules,' is so important, & I (otherwise) appreciate your add-ons.

I do try to wait before replying, & try to diffuse a situation, as I also struggle with any disharmony on the forum, but, of course that doesn't always work, so I'm trying to report more, tho initially felt reluctant to do so.

We all want this to be a safe space for everyone, so thankfully there's just the odd untoward comment, & we have some really kind, supportive & helpful members 😊

Steve_in_The_City

I think @Albus_Scope has brought up a good discussion. I think members of the forum are generally very helpful, @chiarieds you always make good posts - as do several other members of our community. I am a tad hot-headed myself and can respond without thinking too deeply, but hope I am getting over it! Sometimes posts are too political for me, and these posts do get a bit over the top so I don't respond. As @luvpink says "scroll by". Yet nevertheless I find this is a good forum for me and I know if I have a problem someone will step in and offer sage advice (I have already been the recipient of this).

So yes, I do think we must be mindful of our posts and be especially aware that not everyone thinks in a rational mindset and it is good to be a little understanding of others who may seem a smudge over the top. That said, I do find this forum extremely helpful and populated by good people.

egister

It's 2024 and we're on an internet forum.
Serious issues are being discussed, and the style of discussion may be unpleasant to some. But the rest are quite ordinary.

What can Scope do? It's very simple.

A person who is afraid of controversial topics that are marked, for example, by a moderator or the author of a topic, can put a mark in his profile so that they are not shown to him by default.
When entering such a topic, he will be given a warning about traumatic content and given a choice whether to enter it, but then he should not be offended by anyone other than himself.

egister

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/920057#Comment_920057

Don't forget, a topic can be marked at any time.

Albus_Scope

Thanks for the feedback folks.

We have looked into adding trigger warnings and do our best to mention things in the titles, but as people may have many triggers to things most of us wouldn't even think of, it makes things super difficult. We could end up with every discussion being marked with a potential trigger warning, which could put so many people off commenting on discussions. But it is something we're working on behind the scenes. We're also limited by the platform we use for the community, but we're always on the look out for more suggestions. 😊

As Vikki has rightly said, discussions often go off topic, however much we try to steer them back on track. We work set times, so there will always be times where we are unable to step in quickly, but we get to any reports first thing in the morning. As I've said before, we're always a hive of frantic activity behind the scenes to keep everyone safe, so the community wont see what goes on with each report. 😁

I also understand people will want to stick up for their friends, it's what caring people do after all. But at times, it's often best to report the discussion that is starting to be derailed or is getting heated and we will do our upmost to address the issues asap. This can stop any potential escalation, which has a nasty habit of bleeding into other discussions. Politics will always get people butting heads unfortunately, I think discourse is so important for us all to grow as people, but we do need to be very careful. It's the same when people talk about religion.

And of course when I talk about physical discomfort, I should've said more than usual haha. I know I can get super cranky when I'm in more pain than usual.

It's always good to take a break from the community, have a cuppa, take some deep breaths, then see if you feel you still wanted to write that comment. We're not all in the same boat, but our boats are all in the same port, so let's make it a nice place for everyone. ❤️

michael57

Trigger warning