Coping mechanisms

CPSparky

Hi gang. I'm just wondering how other ppl cope dealing with the public and the outside world?

My son is 8yo and has quadriplegic CP, Scoliosis, Epilepsy and Hip Dysplasia. He uses an electric wheelchair to get around and I can honestly say we've come across every type of rude scenario / weardo that walks the planet.

I'm so in ore of familys that post their struggle on social media, when we can't even walk down the street without being noticed by someone who wants to recommend a cure or there opinion..

Is there a secret mind set I need to tap into before getting arrested?

Thanks, A

birdwatcher

Hello CPSparky. I'm sorry you've encountered some dodgy people. Sadly there seems to be a lot of 'em about. Never forget the fault lies with them, certainly not with your son or yourself.

I'm not sure what the best way of coping with them is to be honest. Rise above it. You're better than them x

Danlangridge88

Wow that's absolutely disgraceful. Have these people never seen a wheelchair user before? Society makes me sick these days, literally no one cares about anyone anymore.

During covid I feel people came together to help each other pull through and now it's like not only do people not care or want to help but as if they actively want to make other peoples' lives miserable!

The only mindset is to not lose yourself, like everyone else seems to have done. Keep it real, carry on caring and being proud of your son and these idiots will eventually realise they'll get no where in life being so cruel. Be proud you never turned out like them!

Smile 😃

HappyDays62

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/127380/coping-mechanisms

Wow! Tell them there's no cure for stupidity - and that's your honest opinion! That's what my daughter does as her son has visible disabilities and they get the same kind of unwanted/unwarranted attention. They usually tell her not to be so rude - talk about irony!! 😂 But it does the trick and she can actually get a laugh out of it now she has accepted that the problem is them, not her and her family. Take care, you're doing an amazing job and your son sounds awesome xxxx

bookrabbit

Perhaps bearing in mind that often what pops out of people's mouths has very little to do with considered opinions and is often just an attempt to cover the fact that they don't actually know what to say but feel they should say something otherwise they could appear rude or unsupportive. So while the attempts are often blundering the intention behind it could be well meant rather than weird or unkind. Try to accept the small talk as just random words and don't let it get to you. There are some horrible people out there and I certainly wouldn't recommend posting anything on social media as that is asking for genuine nastiness to emerge but day to day try not to attach too much weight to it. People like making suggestions even when they don't know what they are talking about. Don't let what they don't know hurt you. Explain if you feel like talking, don't if you don't.

Being ignored isn't much better. People just used to stare in horror at my son when we were out. One stupid woman even stepped over him when he was lying on the ground having a meltdown and got her ankle bitten!! That was actually the last time I dared to take him out by myself:( No one said anything to me. I was about ready to have a meltdown and lie down on the ground and scream myself. Maybe they thought I might bite them too:(

birdwatcher

Hi Danlangridge. I'm so glad you said about attitudes changing since covid. I was still able to walk then and remember being out with my dog. People would give you a wide berth but you'd call across ' are you ok? Stay safe' . Or just nod and wave. Or getting milk for a neighbour, tapping on the window to get her attention , leaving it on the doorstep and backing away. People seemed to care more then than now. And we're talking what? A few years ago. I'm not sure what's gone wrong really

CPSparky

There's lots of really good advice here. Thank you so much.

Honestly it's just good to know there's like minded people out there and not just the crazys.

Stay safe and have a fab New Year xx🤘

Littlefatfriend

Whilst using a wheelchair all of the time I've taught, counselled and advocated for/with people with disabilities for over thirty years.

A reliable source of inspiration for many of those people and I has been the empathy, encouragement and enablement which is increasingly available from all sorts of sources these days.

There are now many very constructive groups/organisations who can help with advice and finding solutions that fit.

Technology is helping to make all sorts of disabilities and their consequences more manageable. Likewise education is raising awareness. Ironically it's a process of adaptation which people without disabilities have been working out for a while.

Unfortunately the crazies are always likely to be out there. I'm sometimes very grateful that finding constructive people is another thing which technology may make easier.

I hope people power will win out in the end.

Good luck

Luke

Zipz

I regret that I don't cope well with the sort of people you describe @cpsparky

Whenever I go somewhere new there are folks ready to spout "Have you tried….? or "Have you thought…?" Curiously, the same people never offer a little practical help or join you for a coffee.

Walk away… and walk tall.

theme79

I’ve been disabled for nearly 70 years now and have encountered all kinds of adverse and just plain weird stuff - I became a psychologist which in itself was a process as a quite extensively physically disabled person the medical and health professional world was a tough place to be. To hear in private what unintended assumptions and prejudices many held was both shocking and sometimes quite upsetting.

Things have changed but the attitudes and behaviour of ordinary people takes time - believe me it’s better today than years ago before the rights movement and the chance for us to advocate and campaign for disability rights - sadly I do see a slide back and casual abuse, patronising abounds and my personal absolute aversion is to those who give ignorant and unwanted advice to ‘cure’ me be that religion or medical quackery and wooo woo rubbish when the major cure that is needed is a more accessible, compassionate and open society.

But yes I hear your pain ! and I think every micro (or not so micro) aggression - be it a tutt , because my wheelchair is in their way or just outright abuse or obstruction adds up and can eat away at you - I think the only way is to express it and make sure you join and connect with others of us who are part of the community and supportive - we are in tough times and can become targets as economic stressors increase and social cohesion is under threat - our tribe is more in important in these times and we must stand up and stick together

silmarillion

I don’t think it helps that right wing social media doughnuts are wagging their fingers at the disabled and ethnic minorities! British society is in a state because of it. They’re scapegoating so many marginalised groups and saying we are to blame for bleeding the country dry. This couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s a despairing thought that a young disabled guy in a wheelchair can’t even go down the road in his wheelchair without getting heckled!

SaraC_Scope

@CPSparky

It looks like you've received some great advice from our members. I hope you've been able to use it whilst out and about with your son this week.

There is a group on Facebook called Cerebral Palsy UK This is a great support network for parents and carers of children with cerebral palsy. Action CP is another good place that advocates for children with cerebral palsy.

Kind Regards

@SaraC_Scope

Cerebral Palsy Specialist Cardiff

CPSparky

Hi Sara. Yes the responses have been brilliant thank you. Thanks for recommending the groups to me, I'll be following them in a moment 👍👌

egister

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/127380/coping-mechanisms

Try mounting a gopro or fake gopro in a prominent place on your electric wheelchair. Offenders are afraid of being deanonymized.