Hi, my name is Katiemc94! Any advice on pathological demand avoidance?

Katiemc94

New here, my son is currently being referred for ADHD and ASD, not sure on the ASD but there is so many over laps the school advice to tick both boxes.

He's symptoms have been so much worse the past month. I think this is due to my parenting style has completely changed. I have ADHD so very short fuse and explosive. Since going on a course which was brilliant i have done a full 360 I'm a lot more patient and understand knowing our similarities, this is still very hard for me but I do what I need to do for my child. After speaking to a few people they thing they think the symptoms could be worse because he isn't needing to mask at home and he feels safe (I hope this is true) sorry back on topic but after things iv seen I'm starting to think so he have a PDA profile, like the fight for him to brush his teeth and basically doing things that he has do. I wounding if this could now be showing because he has a safe environment? He's never shown PDA before or is this something completely different?

Mary_Scope

Hi @Katiemc94 and a warm welcome to the community!

It's great that you did the course and found it so useful, it sounds like you're a really proactive parent!

If your son has never showed PDA traits before and the new behaviour started around the same time as your new parenting style then it could be that he is adjusting to your new parenting style and pushing boundaries. Especially if it is quite a big difference in the way you are parenting.

Alternatively, if the course included implementing practical strategies at home like using a now next timetable for routine or lots of praise then these can often be triggers for people with PDA traits as there is now a sense of expectation and demand. Whereas in the past, you possibly may have had naturally quite a low demand household which would have eased some of the PDA traits.

Does your son show PDA traits in school since you have changed your parenting style? Or has he showed PDA traits there in the past? Usually, school can be a big trigger for children with PDA because of the amount of demands that are placed on them constantly and this can sometimes be harder to mask there.

If you find that if after a few more weeks of your son adjusting to your parenting style and he is still showing the same new behaviour then it may be possible that he does have PDA and like your friend has said is no longer masking at home because you are his safe space. It is also really common for PDA traits to overlap with ADHD and autistic traits.

If you suspect that your son may have PDA, there are PDA strategies you can try with him. Depending on your sons age, these could be things turning things into a game or a competition, using lots of humour etc. Even if your son doesn't have PDA, then these strategies can still be really helpful regardless!

Hope this was helpful, please reach out if you have further questions or would like more support😀

anisty

PDA really is quite different - these children suffer such extreme anxiety and their need for control is such that they often show physical agression in school and at home. Ultimately, they need to transfer to a school specifically geared up for their needs.

If your son had PDA, you would be called into the school pretty much daily to take your child home! Even units within mainstream struggle to manage PDA.

Katiemc94

He does have what id considered bad anxiety for a child of nearly 8, iv been into school recently and they had said he masks there but as school is coming more difficult and he faced with new challenges they said the mask is slipping because some of his coping strategies are no longer working. I presuming that some kids who have PDA can be worse than others. It's just this past month or two everything has been a fight with him. It's like he said he's done something like the brushing the teeth but he doesn't see that his mind was so focused on something else he has actually just stood there with it in his mouth which isn't brushing his teeth if you get me.

anisty

That sounds like more of an attention thing than autism. Though many children do have both autism and adhd.

Children with PDA often lash out, even with authority figures like teachers - they will kick, bite, swear and run away. Putting themselves in danger. It is not really possible for them to remain in a mainstream class all day. Some manage short spells of time with 1:1 support in a class and spend the majority of their day with more support.

As they get older, demands increase and specialist schooling is required. Often the child is cognitively very able indeed but the need for control is so strong that behaviour is very difficult to manage.

ASD children also show difficult behaviour which responds much better to predictable routines. With toothbrushing you might have a visual timer to count down the time between your child finishing his activity in the evening, breaking off and coming to brush teeth.

An asd child will often respond very well to a set routine where everything is done at a set time in a set order.

Conversely, PDA kids respond very negatively to any reward charts, count down timers etc as they view that as control- the very thing that they cannot deal with. The trick with a PDA child is to make them think they are in control.

A PDA child would not be standing there if you told him to brush his teeth - he'd be nipping you, biting, kicking, shouting - doing absolutely anything he could to get away from you and the situation.

Of course I don't know you or your child so if PDA is a real concern still, best thing is to raise it with the school.