Hi, my name is tired_mum! Hi, hope someone can give me some advice please. My 11 year old son...

tired_mum

Hi, hope someone can give me some advice please. My 11 year old son has been diagnosed with autism and has never really slept well. Over the last 4 months he has not slept much at all, we didn't sleep at all last night. He does not let me and my husband sleep as when he can not sleep he wants one of us with him. He gets angry, crying and throwing himself about saying he is bored, he thinks going to bed is boring. We have tried everything sleep routines, diary's etc. It could be that he is worried about going to high school next year but he finds it almost impossible to discuss his feels and even finds it hard to know what he is feeling. I have a doctors appointment for him next week to discuss his sleep. Me and my husband feel the only thing that might help now is medication to help him sleep. Has anyone had an experience like this with their child and how did you resolve it? We are all so tired.

anisty

As you have tried everything else - you have nothing to lose by going for the authoritarian no nonsense approach. Which can work well with autistic children.

Basically "it's bedtime. You stay in your room now until (state time) and we will see you tomorrow"

Don't say anything about him having to be asleep because you can't make a child sleep. Tbh, i wouldn't even say he has to stay in bed or you will be up and downstairs like a yo yo. What he does in his room is up to him but just because he cant sleep doesn't mean you need to be awake too and the sooner he knows that, the better.

I'd take any computer games out of his room but, if he wants to read or draw or play quietly with something, let him. As long as he's not trashing his room, let it go.

Do not physically lock him in his room - if you say it like you mean it, he will soon get the message.

If you do hear lots of crashing about in his room, don't engage with it. You can shout up "i don't want to hear any more tonight" (and say it like you mean it!!)

Or - if he won't hear you shouting up, go to a place outside his bedroom where he will hear you from.

Don't open his door unless you really believe he is in danger (and obviously you know your kid best - lock windows and prepare the room safely beforehand just as you would for a younger child)

Just a simple instruction that you will let him know when it is time to get up in the morning. Clear, simple rules and stick with them.

I am a parent of autistic adult kids. Sleep routines are good. Discussions not so much. Especially not at bedtimes. Autistic kids are poor language-processors. Think of those parents that try to 'reason' with tantrumming 2 yr olds - the kids' brains have shut down and they don't have the capacity to engage.

Same with your lad. Boundaries make him feel safe. Rules are good but they need to be consistant, clear, simple and enforced.

As soon as you start adding in 'go to bed or you will be tired in the morning' you are introducing concepts an autistic mind cannot process. An autistic child lacks the ability to imagine how he might (or might not!) feel in the morning.

And - when is morning anyway - anytime between 1 am and 11 am - see how that simple add on is just confusing?

So - think about the language you are going to use and, when he's raging and kicking off - don't add and explain any more words.

Just repeat the message. Same words - "I don't want to hear any more from you tonight"

Then you can simplify further "enough!"

Try to stike a note of firmness - i'm not suggesting you put fear and fright into your boy - you will judge the tone that is needed, i am sure.

Mary_Scope

Practical Ideas to Help With The Transisition and Changes Moving to Secondary School - SNAP CYMRU.pdf

Moving to Secondary School Activities to Help Transistion - SNAP Cymru.pdf

Hi @tired_mum and a warm welcome the community!!

It sounds like a really difficult time. Sleep deprivation is incredibly harsh!

I’m wondering if you have tried practical anxiety strategies with your son? These may be helpful to try as you’ve said that going to secondary school may be a potential trigger for your sons sleep.

A lot of these may be trial and error until you find the right calming activity for him so it is worth noting what strategies you have tried so far to help with his emotions and anxieties and what impact they have had.

I have also attached two documents to this comment that are also very good and provide some practical strategies that may be helpful to do to prepare your son for secondary school such as a transition booklet.

This may help ease some of your sons anxiety around his new school as he’ll know a little bit more of what’s to come and what is going to be expected of him.

Hopefully the doctors appointment next week goes well. Sometime melatonin can be prescribed and I have heard that can be a gamechanger for some autistic children who have sleep issues!

I hope this helpful, please let me know if you have more questions or would like further support😀