Help I'm not coping as a step parent

Scottishcity24

My partners 28 year old son has learning disabilities, autism, ADHD and severe anxiety issues. I get the blame for him not coming out his room.

I'll admit I get very annoyed, angry by how little he does in his room never mind around the house.

He texts and sends my partner constant message every day, can't even go to Asda and back without the constant messaging, which are driving me insane.

I have barely spoken to him for 2 years and the thought of spending time with him in the same room makes me feel physically sick.

WhatThe

Unfortunately, he isn't able to change his response to your hostility. He knows how you feel. My own sister used to make me feel unwelcome at home. It's not very nice.

Poor lad.

Fuji

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1012380#Comment_1012380

Have you seen their other posts about the same stepson on their profile? It's heartbreaking. Despite all the stepson's problems they are being called a liar by this person. I saw a post where they said their partner is enabling the stepson.. its like scottishcity believes their learning disabilities, autism and mental health issues are being faked to not do certain things..

And feeling physically sick by him is disgusting.... poor guy having that as a step parent.

Slonvinton

It sounds like you should have considered this much more before moving in.

MW123

@Scottishcity24

After 28 years, this parent-son dynamic is deeply ingrained, which makes the meaningful change you would like to see incredibly difficult. It’s completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed, especially if you were hoping things might improve over time. Relationships like this often have deep roots, and navigating your own connection with your partner while being in the middle of such a strong bond can feel exhausting.

The constant messaging and lack of independence may understandably feel stifling for you. For your partner, though, this has been their reality for so long that they might not fully realise how much it’s affecting you emotionally.

The fact that you have barely spoken to the son for two years and feel physically unwell at the thought of spending time in his company is a serious sign that something needs to shift.

Perhaps now is the time to consider whether staying in this relationship is truly in your best interest, as well as for your partner and the son. While stepping away may be difficult, it could also be a necessary act of self care, offering a path to peace for everyone involved. I feel for all of you and hope that whatever decision you make leads to a better future for everyone.

Scottishcity24

Thank you for seeing things from all points of view. My relationship with my partner has been 8 years. I/we also had to deal with going through a car accident in August 2019. Had to learn how to sit up and walk again.

Although he's 28,i don't know what age he feels mentally and it's really hard to deal with.

I married my partner, I had hoped that things would improve over time. He is moving to assisted living over the next few weeks.

I know it's really hard on my partner as they feel stuck between her son and me.

MW123

@Scottishcity24

I was truly sorry to hear about your car accident, it must have been an incredibly difficult, emotional uncertain time as you learned to sit up and walk again. You’ve been through so much, you and your partner and I sincerely hope things begin to improve for you now.

Your stepson's move to assisted living is a significant transition. While it may ease some daily challenges, it also brings an emotional shift for your partner. After years of being deeply involved in their son's day to day life, stepping back, even when it’s the right thing to do, can be hard. They may need time to process feelings of guilt, worry, and uncertainty as they adjust to their son moving out.

Supporting your partner through this change may help you both move forward in a healthier, more balanced way. With time, this shift could bring greater stability and understanding to your relationship.

I sincerely hope your stepson finds happiness and independence in his new environment. Transitions like these can be unpredictable, and if his adjustment proves challenging, offering your partner support through any difficulties will be invaluable as he settles into his new home. Wishing you and your family all the best.

Scottishcity24

MW123

Thanks you for your kind words and your point of view.

I'm new to this website, is there any way I can message you directly please.

Only if you would be comfortable doing so of course.

Thanks you

MW123

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1012499#Comment_1012499

Yes, you can message me by clicking on the envelope icon at the top of the page. I'm at work at the moment, but please don’t think I’m ignoring your message, I will respond to you later today.

Scottishcity24

That's much appreciated thank you.

Bluebell21

Hi @Scottishcity24 Unfortunately you are not able to send Private Messages until you have 50 points and are rank Contributor. You have 12 points at the moment.

You get points when someone Likes , Awesome or Insightful your posts. You can also get points for receiving badges.

You can receive Private Messages and answer when another member sends you one, but not start your own.

Take care.

michael57

there ya go i just gave you 4 more

Legwax

@Scottishcity24 In addition to MW123's sensible, compassionate, kind and wise answer, you might or might not like to consider talking to the Samaritans. They will listen. You do not need to be suicidal to call them. They are there to listen and sympathise. Or you might want to speak to your GP about this. It sounds difficult for each member of the family and it is hard as a step parent to be included in support. Wishing you all well.

WhatThe

Legwax, I agree with your praise of MW's post and support for Scottishcity.

It's equally valid for an autistic person to have an emotional reaction to such a post., as I did. Even more important for allistic people to understand our behaviours!

I haven't read other posts and won't. Apologies for my blunt posts.