12 year old son who is suffering with school anxiety

leigh76

I have 12 year old son who is suffering with school anxiety.We haven’t been able to get him to school for 10 weeks now.as the summer holidays are approaching it’s a worry for us that if he doesn’t go in then it could be harder for him when he starts his 2nd year in September.We are in constant contact with school who are being very supportive in helping trying to get him to school by moulding his school day around him to make him feel comfortable.But he still can’t seem to try.He has been referred to Cambs mental health who have recently passed him onto the young Barnados for therapy sessions.This has taken 8 weeks to finally get somewhere.He had his first session yesterday by zoom video.This was really talking to us his parents about my sons life in general and just to introduce herself to our son.He starts proper sessions with just him next week which will be 8 sessions in total.

We have been very supportive and encouraging but just don’t seem to get anywhere.

This is very stressful and frustrating as at home and out of school he’s just a normal boy.

He has so much support but he’s gone into a total lock down from school.

Any advice would be great

Thanks

Bluebell21

Hi @leigh76 Welcome to the Community. IPSEA might be able to help you.

https://www.ipsea.org.uk

Take care.

Mary_Scope

Hi @leigh76 and a warm welcome to the community!

Thank you for sharing, it really sounds like you’re doing everything you can to support your son. It's very understandable why you're feeling so stressed because school anxiety can be incredibly tough especially when things seem fine outside of school.

It’s good to hear that school are being supportive and are willing to try to help. That's a really positive thing. What have they tried so far? Do they know what has triggered the school anxiety?

It’s also very positive that your son has started therapy sessions. Hopefully this will really help him.

There is Not Fine in School which you may find helpful as it is a specifically for parents who have children who find school very anxiety inducing and overwhelming and are unable to go.

I will also change the title of this blog post so other members who have similar experiences will see it and hopefully reach out with some support too. Hope that's okay

Hope this has been helpful, if you would like any other further information or support please let me know😄

leigh76

This all started really for Harry when he was 9.He didn’t get on with his form tutor so he would get disciplined which he doesn’t like at school or home.We have always tried to set boundaries with Harry at home but he has always been a fighter.
I’ve told him that we all have rules in life and that if he sticks to these rules and boundaries then his and our life wil improve.Were not bad parents and all we want if for him to have a good life but he likes to make it difficult for himself🤷🏼‍♂️

Not going to school is ultimately about him getting disciplined by teachers for not behaving when he should be.

The same at home.

If he could realise by improving his behaviour then his life would be so much better.

Us and the school have done everything to make his life better but he just doesn’t want to know.

He just wants to be very disrespectful towards us and all we do is try to help him.
we just don’t know what else to do from hear.

It’s so tough 😞

Mary_Scope

You're definitely not bad parents @leigh76! It sounds like you are doing everything you can to support him and be a great advocate for Harry.

From what you have described, it sounds like he struggles with authority and that potentially discipline could trigger rebellion for him. You may find PDA strategies helpful to look in to and use with Harry.

Even if Harry doesn't have a full PDA profile or a formal neurodivergent diagnosis, these strategies can still be quite helpful because they focus on working together,, reducing direct demands and using indirect language which can make things feel safer and more manageable for children like Harry who push back against authority.

Sometimes children can act like this if they're not sure how to cope emotionally so hopefully counselling will be helpful for this and give Harry some good coping strategies if this is contributing to his school anxiety!